SCOTTSDALE, AZ

Williams is doomed!

McDonald's is contemplating all-day breakfast.....

http://chicagobusiness.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?rssFeed=news&id=23917

Adam "The Bee Keeper" Williams - 2008

FIGHT TIME

With another reunion on the horizon, it's time to get the ol' Blog kicking again. That said, with much talk about fighting, it's tourney time. Graphic Design team Faust will post an NCAA tourney style bracket the pits members of the IC in versus mode.

The tenative seeding is as follows:

1. Marcus Arelius Miller - AKA No Limit Solja
2. A ``The Incredible Pudgy Hulk' W
(Both 1&2 seeds receive byes into the second round. If you want to debate that, well, don't. We'll beat your brains in)

First Round Action:
BATTLE OF THE PLATES:

3 Seed: Lee `Japonais Chimichanga' Portillo VERSUS 10 Seed Brenton `Daddy Shin Kick' Darling.
- Portillo's fatality is petty theft (plates, cell phones, clothing, floss)
- Lubahn's fatalities are a Phone call and/or a Shin roundhouse

BATTLE OF THE BONG:

4 Seed: Bear `Rhino Calves' Dalrymple VERSUS 9 Seed: Brian `Arizona Crackti' Weiss
- Bear's fatalities are: a quick-witted Blog post, a `who kissed Katie' ass-kick, or making his opponent eat grass
- BW's fatality is injecting clorox into his opponents eyes or sensitive Message board defaming of his opponent
* BW is a dark-horse considering his partner is a blue-skinned flying Italian Dingo

WALL STREET FIGHT:

5 Seed Clint `Stock Any-ihilator' Brown VERSUS 8 Seed: Mikey `Texas Tea-Rex' Mazur
- Brown's fatalities include: Poisoning via Hair gel called the ``LA `don't' Look'', the 5AM wake-up call and, of course, the Yellow Stress-Induced Cleveland Steamer
- Mazur's fatalities include: The Pec flex to ya neck, The Scream of Terror that erupts your eardrums and the Excessive Insult, which crushes opponents souls

NATURAL DISASTER MATCH: WHEN VOLCANOS ERUPT

6 Seed Adam `0 and 8 Mate' Faust VERSUS 7 Seed Matt `Mutilating Mariner' Chambone
- Faust looks to get off the fight snide and earn his first victory with such fatalities as: Second Hand Lung Punch, The Vesuvius, where he violently tirades you unexpectedly, and/or Torture Tears, where after he listens to The Erotic Shoelaces album, he hurls poison tears at your skull.
- Chambone's fatalities include: The Rubber Band Strangler with his 41 wrist bands, the Chin Beard Rug Burn and Adderol Asphixiation, where he focuses for 11 hours on choking his opponent.

Let the games begin. Faust add pics.

Williams, get a life.

Out

Happy Valentine's Day

As those of us who prepare for this bullshit of all bullshit holidays I was curious what you guys are thinking of doing for your loved ones? Piper does not recognize this holiday and agrees it is commercialized crapola.... I still probably have to get her a card or something, right?

Skip the fancy dinner and flowers and try and be novel. Maybe a pig's heart wrapped in looseleaf paper? Or take a drive out to a romantic hilltop and fuck her in the asshole.

And to our single men's club...what are your plans. Especially now with no Booya7 to strike you with cupid's hard-on. This day may seem especially difficult without it.

It is truly a stupid day.

I wrote this for a radio station this morning. It is long yes, but I'd like to hear my bois weigh in.

In the era of me-promoting, where YOU was named Time’s Person of the Year, Anna Nicole Smith’s death is undoubtedly the apex headline in the world of the undeserving famous. It was unsurprising, and yet disturbing, to find Anna Nicole’s picture atop media outlets throughout the country. My question is, `Why are we so compelled to discuss a figure who sacrificed her soul for our attention’? Why is this person, ridiculed for her shallow existence, worthy of our discussion? I find the answer to be fame, which although we may not admit, has established itself as maybe the number 1 ambition in our culture.
Look at our television programs: American Idol, Beauty and the Geek and the Surreal Life. It seems that we, as a people, are willing to subject ourselves to humiliation and ridicule simply to be known, not for talent, but for our disregard for self. These hollow characteristics were Anna Nicole Smith. Her life was an immoral sacrifice to attain money, recognition and fame. And yet, because of her despicable behavior, she was glorified, thus completing her lifelong objective of fame. My parting question is: Do we not have the presence of mind to ignore such soul-sacrifice? Or, is there a part of us that, deep down, maybe wish that we too could have what Anna Nicole did have: Fame.

On a boat in Trinidad and Lubahn calls. Lubahn calls no one and when he does...wait he doesn't. I asked him if it was an emergency. He said no so I told him I had to work and hung up on him. We are friends.

P.s. I didn't have to work.

P.s.s. I'm just kidding Lubahn.

Ok, I'm going to be a dick. I think I'm a little biiter. Maybe because I am watching the Superbowl with British announcers. Could you imagine how anoying that is?

One of my roommates reminds me of Adam Stadler. He is actually much worse. He talk constantly even when he has nothing worth saying. he knows nothing about football. And these kind of people are miserable to watch the Superbowl with.

So, to entertain myself during the 2nd quarter I thought it would be fun to document how truly awful my roomate is.... word for word.....

12:29AM
"Have you seen the trailer for the Fantastic Four sequel?"

"Does your vagina hurt?"

12:30 AM

"Milk was a bad choice!" (from Anchorman)

"SUV commercials should have more hot chicks."

"Hey Stupid!"

"Peyton is tall. That helps him see more."

12:32 AM

"Do you want to do mushrooms this weekend?"

"Well, if not, then when?"

"Whatever, pussy."

12:34PM

"I'm going to see The Killers in Paris."

"I like!" (from Borat)

12:37AM

Falls asleep.... Wow, I didn't see that coming. My other roomamte just noticed and smiled. He didn't even make it to halftime. That's awesome. Now I can enjoy the game in peace. Cheers.

Headline aimed as us?:

Bush puts 'ic' back in 'Democratic Party'

Made me think of friends. Hugs.

Bear Down.

I am drunk you idiots. I love you guys the way any drunk friend loves his friends- wholeheartedly. And without proper discretion, without any fear of seaming over sympathetic or concerned. Becaus eI am concenred.

About Clint's hair being too wavy until it joins the Gulf of Mexico.
About Lubahn's baby growing thinking snakes are heavenly and doves are evil.
About Mazur making too much crude money and forgetting that he is a painter.
About Williams dizzying himself into oblivion.
About Weiss hiding in the desert until he wakes up in 2026.
About Portillo getting married to a wicked hot girl.
About Miller ending up on the cover of Time as "A Soldier's Story"
About Dalrymple if the Bears lose.

I am not concerned about Chambers. He will be fine.

There is love. It is quite real. Mazur has it. So does Brent. I'm sure Lee has something. I think I got it too. It's not like I thought. It is much cloudier. It is not red or white or blue. It is this cloudy orangish color. It is never fully distinguishable. It is there. Rght in fornt of you, but you can't quite touch it. You can feel it, but you can never hold it in your hand. That's why it is so mysterious.

I will pass out now.

The unfortunate day has come...............

Booya7 is no longer!

Williams is doomed..............


Round and Brown,
L

When I lived by a Mosque in FW, Mazur used to make remarks when we passed it as he took me home from work because I was so fat that the bench seat in my truck collapsed and all my tires went flat. I also ate my steering wheel.

Last week, I wrote some jokes for a radio station inspired by our resident `no boundaries' jokester. Here they are, and again, thanks Grand Dragon Mazur...

- Barrack Obama got his first taste of political smear tactics yesterday, as stories circulated that he attended a Muslim extremist school in Indonesia as a child. Obama denied the story on Dateline Aljazeera.

- Barrack Obama got his first taste of political smear tactics yesterday, as stories circulated that he attended a Muslim extremist school in Indonesia as a child. Though he confirmed he did attend an Indonesian school, he said he failed Pipe Bombing 101.

- Barrack Obama got his first taste of political smear tactics yesterday, as stories circulated that he attended a Muslim extremist school in Indonesia as a child. The Obama campaign smeared back, saying that Hilary Clinton lost her virginity at Muslim Extremist Woodstock.

THE DESERT

For those still suffering from post-Chicago depression, I have a solution for you: Brian "B-Dub" Weiss, Marc "(Insert Millerism)" Miller, and Kevin "Myself" Bear all in Scottsdale, Arizona for a weekend of even more debauchery. As of now, no females will be joining us, and you know what that means,..... lots and lots of butt sex. Because these plans are kind of last minute, I am not expecting any kind of big reunion like Chicago, however, it might be best suited to call this gathering a sub-reunion trip. Think of it like Nicorette Gum - just a quick fix until the next big kick.

The date of arrival for both Miller and I is Friday, February 16 (Three weeks from today) and departure will be Monday, February 19. Even though this is last minute, Southwest Airlines does offer discount prices from now until next Friday (2 + weeks before flights), so it might be worth checking out. Scottsdale is supposed to be the place to be these days, and the weather this time of year is unbeatable. I have spoken to Weiss, and he concurs, the more the merrier. So book your flights, mark your calendars, and I will see you all in the desert!

Today the assignment in class was to create a non-family tree with images or type. My British professer said try and not use people. But I had already begun to compile, designate, and navigate through who and how we were all connected. I chose each color specifically.

I want you to know that I am quite happy here in my first month. Piper and I are getting along well and being the only American in my class has been very cool.

I am reading a good book right now called, The Sportswriter.... and when I came across this sentence on the train tonight I knew I wanted to share it with all of you.

"The stamp of our parents on us and of the past in general is, to my mind, overworked, since at some point we are whole and by ourselves upon the earth, and there is nothing that can change that for better or worse, and so we might as well think about something more promising." - Richard Ford

I love you all very much. Good luck out there...

This is the exact moment when Bear found out Katie gave Williams a little peck on New Years Eve....

HI FRIENDS

I know I post my stupid writings often, but these are somewhat of an exception. I hope that, throughout your day, when needing a cheap laugh, you'll stop by here to read a spoof story. Don't try to read them all in one sitting, for tired-head could occur. Also, I submitted them to Q101, a pretty money station here and they've been reading them in the morning. So smiles...

- Denver is the only US city that has not heard of the increased temperatures stemming from global warming. Most likely because they're under 19 inches of snow.

- After Monday’s 115-mph blizzard winds, only weeks removed from two devastating December blizzards, Denver citizens were seen doing a `Global Warming Dance’ to summon the alleged Earth warming wrath of 2007.

- In an interview Monday, Bears Linebacker Brian Urlacher confessed his concern with Sunday’s playoff game: ``Well, they have a lot of weapons,’’ Urlacher said, ``Like Shaun Alexander, Matt Hasselbaeck and Grossman.’’ A reporter answered ``But Grossman’s on your team’’, to which Urlacher asked ``He is?’’

- Still in a recovery phase after Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans residents were pleased to learn that the threat of killer bees was actually just a Wu Tang Clan reunion tour.

- Disney’s Tigger, who pimp-pawed a dorky 14-year old over the weekend, explained the battering by saying ``Thinking of all those years tormented by lame Christopher Robin really brought out the non-queer tiger in me’’.

- Governor Rod Blagojevich officially began his second term as Illinois Governor yesterday in Springfield. Despite investigations of wrongdoing, Blagojevich assured the audience he was a ``goodfella’’ and was ecstatic to be ``made’’ a second time.

- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn sat on the same row at the People’s Choice Awards Tuesday night. Sitting between them: an enormous pink elephant.

- It was rumored that actress Nichole Ritchey, who wears a size `Double 0’, was seen buying Fruit Loops yesterday afternoon. When asked if she was eating again in 2007 she replied ``No, I’m just buying some new belts.’’

- Johnny Depp appeared on the People’s Choice Awards via satellite to accept his Award as Best Male Actor. Depp was donning a velvety jacket and speaking in his new dialect: CoolMysterious-ish.

- Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Jobs also mentioned his idea for his next invention, the Idog, which combines the attributes of Lassie, Benji and Clifford in a Chihuhua’s body.

- The Malibu fires ravaged and destroyed the Oceanside home of actress Suzanne Somers, Tuesday. Just goes to show you that the old boy scout adage of rubbing two Thigh Masters together to start a fire really does work.
OR
The Malibu fires ravaged and destroyed the Oceanside home of actress Suzanne Somers, Tuesday. Just goes to show you that Thigh Masters really does make you feel the burn.

- Reality show `Armed and Famous’ is set to premiere Wednesday night on CBS. The show stars Jack Osbourne, LaToya Jackson and Jason `Wee Man’ Acuna. In a late edit, the show has been re-named `Drugs, Surgery and Midgets’.

- Robin Williams won an award for comedy with the movie `RV’, which went directly to video. Williams, who salaciously rubbed Halle Berry and Queen Latifah on his way to the microphone, spoke for five minutes of his stint in rehab and his comedic influences. There was actually a point in the speech where, if you put your ear close enough to the TV, you could actually hear his career end.

- Queen Latifah hosted the People’s Choice awards Tuesday night. Queen, who was voted in by the 9 people who actually watched the awards, beat out Alf in voting 5-4. Alf did however appear via satellite from Melmac to accept his lifetime achievement award.

- Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Lacking on the Iphone however: common sense.

- 47-year old man, David Sullivan, was bitten by a scorpion Monday on his flight home from Chicago to Vermont. Sullivan, who apparently refused to put his tray table up while landing on an earlier flight, shivered in terror when he learned the scorpion’s name: Karma McTrayTable.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Jobs made mention of his next invention: the Iidea. Which is actually just the word `Idea’ on a post-it note. I just figured if Iput Iin front of Ianything, Iwould sell Ithousands. Im an Iidiot.

LUBAHN

So, Lubahn and I don't talk much, but we like each other. Friday he calls and leaves a sincere message, and I return the call shortly. As expected, I don't hear from him again, as his four minute phone window had expired. Why Brent do you even own a phone? You live in a drawer.

So I ask, who in this group has the oddest phone habits? Who's are the best, who's are the worst?

A) Lubahn - High, scared, or eating toast, if it's not Melissa or a weed guy from Perotti's, don't waste your time leaving a msg.
B) Mazur - Expect an enraged, screaming burst of profanity and familially charged sacreligion around 2:15 on Saturday night. As for M-F, don't call between 5am and 11pm.
C) Poortillo, Poortillo, Poortillo - He's once, twice, three times a caller. When Lee wants you, he wants you like a kid named Broderick wants hot cheetoes. Can't pick up because you're at a funeral? Portillo considers all unanswered calls a screen, so he attempts to phone bully you to answer. Like Ferris Bueller trying to wake Cameron up, ``He'll just keep calling''. He'll also call high on midday Saturdays.
D) Chambers - It's 5:11 on Tuesday. Chambers is in traffic and your phone's ringing. Nothing makes the Bone more open for convo than a little Bumper-to-bumper. This may also account for his 19 accidents, including two counts of vehicular manslaughter on a mailbox and a girl named Tim.
E) Brown - Also a traffic caller, however better known for his intense bursts of conversation during work hours. Limit work hour calls to Brown to 3 seconds. Somehow, at the end of a wound up Brown convo, you're the one sweating. Call him at a calmer time, maybe post-``me-time'' which falls, well, pretty much anytime after he ``gets off'' work. Ewww...
F) Kevin - Given our rare phone convos, I'm needing more feedback from those who chat with you more often. You don't strike me as uber-phoney (not phony) but you're quick with the text. Due to job requirements, I assume your phone habits are business oriented, meaning they have a mission and, once accomplished, Peace Out.
G) Faust - You're probably on the phone right now. This guy is gabbier than your grandma at a peanuckel party. Put the coffee on and hit mute, Faust is calling. A consistent answerer and will leave guilt-inflicting messages to inspire a return call.
H) Weiss - Is it just me or does anyone else get Poltergeist Weiss voice when you call him in AZ? Due to a defect in his abode (also known as Trail Lake fever), when he talks to you from home, his voice cracks more than when we used to say ``nards''. He is, however, available at work, a solid listener and one hell of a model Eastern European American.
H) Millbone - ``I'm not much of a phone guy''. He's not, but the boy can text. He also doesn't get to the phone much due to his commitment to slaying Jihadian carrier pidgeons named Lance.
J) Williams - Usually a return rate between 65-85%, which in IC terms, is doo-doo-teronomy. He can gab, usually about only himself, and tunes out after inquiring about the other in the exchange. He's also a ``multi-talker'' meaning he often attempts to perform other tasks while talking, such as feed meerkats, shoot skeet (get it?), and shave MC Escher images into his chest hairs.

This was fun. Lubahn is the obvious worst, but, him excluded, who do you vote for? Let's discuss. Happy Monday IC.

Chicago

TUESDAY MORNING COMING DOWN

Well, I woke up Tuesday morning, and had a nasty stinging pain, in my head,
I'd drank the night away doing pony keg stands and smoking American Spirits, in my bed.

I looked around the Hilton and saw the remnants of a weekend with great friends,
Wondering what happened to Friday and why God made Monday come to an end.

I gathered my bag and stumbled out onto the elevator, a lonely drunk looking for a smile,
couldn't help but remember a dancing Bears tailgate and aimless walking on the Magnificent Mile.

As each floor descended, a weekend memory passed,
as I saw Michael laugh-humping Ashley, and felt angry Kevin, putting his foot into my ass.

As I walked into the foyer, alone and in stench,
I longed for Clint's giddy laugh and saw Miller mouth-spray us into a drench.

The El was no place to be a man in solitude,
where I could still feel Faust's charm, and wanted to hug Lee and say, `Hey, Sorry dude'.

I rounded the corner to my home, stopping suddenly, when I thought I saw one of my brethren,
sadly laughing to myself, knowing that I was the lone remaining member, of what had been a mighty Eleven.

I sat in my bed early that night, mourning the pain of the Tuesday evacuees,
and knew what we have is special, what we have here, as the mighty ICs.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but here on Wednesday I still mope around,
from that empty, hollow feeling, of Tuesday Morning Coming Down.

When Boise St. beat Oklahoma on Monday night, it was one of the best moments I think in college football history. For years I have been preaching against the words "Non-BCS Schools", and this game helped me solidify my argument.

Thank you Faust for not letting me go to the bathroom on 4th and 18 (the play before the Hook and Latter).

Every college footbal fan NEEDS to read this article and commit, it is a MUST-READ:

http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/sports/16373267.htm

Adam - Was there a pool at Japanaise?

Gentlemen, I will be the first to say it. I had a fucking great time this weekend. Certainly had its ups and downs but overall, couldn't have been much better.

I think the IC together on New Years needs to become an annual event. A tradition as they say here in Texas. While I probably won't be able to participate in the next one, unless it is in Argentina, I will definitely be at every one afterward. Any thoughts?

Interesting christmas present:
http://video.nbc.com/player.html?dlid=51289

Do you know your presidents?


George Washington, 1789-1797
John Adams, 1797-1801
Thomas Jefferson, 1801-1809
James Madison, 1809-1817
James Monroe, 1817-1825
John Quincy Adams, 1825-1829
Andrew Jackson, 1829-1837
Martin Van Buren, 1837-1841
William Henry Harrison, 1841
John Tyler, 1841-1845
James Knox Polk, 1845-1849
Zachary Taylor, 1849-1850
Millard Fillmore, 1850-1853
Franklin Pierce, 1853-1857
James Buchanan, 1857-1861
Abraham Lincoln, 1861-1865
Andrew Johnson, 1865-1869
Ulysses Simpson Grant, 1869-1877
Rutherford Birchard Hayes, 1877-1881
James Abram Garfield, 1881
Chester Alan Arthur, 1881-1885
Grover Cleveland, 1885-1889
Benjamin Harrison, 1889-1893
Grover Cleveland, 1893-1897
William McKinley, 1897-1901
Theodore Roosevelt, 1901-1909
William Howard Taft, 1909-1913
Woodrow Wilson, 1913-1921
Warren Gamaliel Harding, 1921-1923
Calvin Coolidge, 1923-1929
Herbert Clark Hoover, 1929-1933
Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1933-1945
Harry S. Truman, 1945-1953
Dwight David Eisenhower 1953-1961
John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 1961-1963
Lyndon Baines Johnson, 1963-1969
Richard Milhous Nixon, 1969-1974
Gerald Rudolph Ford, 1974-1977
James Earl Carter, Jr., 1977-1981
Ronald Wilson Reagan, 1981-1989
George Herbert Walker Bush, 1989-1993
William Jefferson Clinton, 1993-2001
George Walker Bush, 2001-

FLEX SCHEDULE

As part of the new "Flex Scheduling" on Sunday Night Football, NBC has announced its feature game will be the contest between the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers. Therefore, instead of the 12 o'clock time, the game will be played under the lights of Soldier Field at 7:15 P.M.

The "Flex Schedule" (which was introduced this season), has had an enormous amount of positive feedback to fans all around the country. All fans,... except the ones who have plans to go to the game. Especially the ones who have been making New Year's Eve plans for the past 2 months, especially the Bears fans who (to them) are playing a meaningless Week 17 game! These fans are taking it right up the fucking ass! Instead of having a typical noon game in Chicago, with plenty of time to prepare for the New Year’s night, these fans are going to have to sit at Soldier Field until roughly 10:30 - 11:00 PM.

I am one of these fans, and my day has just been shifted by the flex schedule. That leaves me with questions.... Will I have enough time to get to the bar? Will the bar let me in? Will I be without everyone who I want to be with (besides k. clay) when the clock strikes 12???????

Any suggestions?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Dear Adam & Lee

I wish I cared. I wish I had a strong opinion (I usually do).

But I don't. I think you guys care/know more than any of us, and that's good, and you need to decide. None of us know GoodBar from SonicBoom, so it's hard for us to give educated opinions.

Based on this weeks posts you know how Brown, Mazur, Bear, and I feel (Miller will be happy with anything).

So get on the phone and make the best decision based on the information you have. And do it SOON. We would have a great time if were celebrating NYE in Athens, Georgia at a cock fight.

So you really can't screw it up.

My only friends. Let me bring up one last point of discussion. It looks like everyone is down for the Good-Bar. Can we get a vote here? Let me lay it out how I see it and I will bow the direction of the Group.

Bar 1
Hip hop Bar
$70 a ticket (90 is you buy solo)
Open bar 8pm to 2 am
Minimal cramming because they limit the amount allowed in


Bar 2
Electronic lounge (not techno or trance)
$ 50 a ticket
Open bar 8pm to 1 am
Minimal cramming because they also limit the amount of people allowed in

I vote Bar 2.

What is the group concensus?

Talked to Williams. Forgive the confusion. 50 Dollars for a different place. So cheaper. It is a lounge/bar has an open bar for the 50 bucks and looks real nice.

www.sonotheque.org

I assume no one acted on Williams email. This place is central and should be fun. Anyone disagree?

We need to buy our tickets tomorrow or this week. I will do mine tomorrow and let eveyone know. Also I am down to get a table, cause it is a smaller place and I don't like to stand. :(

Is anyone down to do this with me? For a table for 18 (us plus eleah's friends) it is 20 a person. Please let me know all who does not like this idea or else I am going to pull the trigger so we can get all this fucking planning done with and get in the right spiritual mood to fully say bon voyage to our burger boy friend.

GOOD BAR NEW YEARS EVE!!!

Alright Chicos, It's on. Good Bar. Open Bar 8-2 and the manager tells me ``everybody gets their own champagne bottle''. Signing up as a couple drops the price from 100$ to 75$ SO, if Eleah's friends are planning on attending, maybe sign up with them OR this 20-year old (yep) and her friends join, we should all get 75$ tix (including the staggies, Adam, Adam and Clinton).

Here is the site: http://www.goodbarnye.com/ Buy tix on paypal. 100$ or 75$ is a good deal for the food, open bar and champagne (No complaints, I'm a Roofer). He said in a bar with capacity over 300+, only 200-225 are in for NYE. Should be roomy...

In the wordz of tha hood: Let's get it!

Who in the IC do you all think this would be (as a dad)? I know who I would vote for but I don't want to hate on him two posts in a row.
http://www.break.com/index/little_dove_hunter.html

Williams, anything on Justin's? Its Lunds deal for $60. I definitely don't want to spend more than $75-100. In fact, I'd rather not spend more than $50 simply because I'm a maiser, often confused with Mazur, but not the exact same.

Alright Chicos,

1) How much is everyone willing to pay for NYE. I'd prefer $100 max, but, if need be, I'll call my mom for more money.

2) Here's the research I've done on NYE. I think we need to make a decision by MONDAY. Devote 6-10 minutes looking at these, then VOTE and I'll book it. I'm rich.

I like Fulton Lounge, Stone Lotus (expensive), Good Bar and Y Bar.

Lee, what do Eleah and her friends Kitten, Glitter, Luxury and Skateboard suggest?

Don't get mad. Those were for Mazur...

http://fultonlounge.com/
$95

http://chicagonye.com/
$125

http://stonelotuslounge.com/index.php?sort=September%202006
$175

http://www.fourcornerstaverns.com/
75$

http://www.themotelbar.com/motel.htm
Cover? None?

http://www.goodbar.com/
75$ - I like Goodbar of the three options here

http://www.ychicago.com/

Greetings bitches. So here is the word I have so far on NYE. The best option I have heard is of a place called "Y Bar". (It stands for yamaka). Anyway its 220 a bottle of booze for a table per 4 people. So thats 55 a person plus tip with no cover. Can't beat that. What's your thoughts?

The Inner Circle
JOKES AND JOKES AND JOKES AND JOKES!

Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous. He was playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from near the front of the crowd, pierces the silence... ........

"Well, fukin stop doin it then!"

The Inner Circle

So I'm online researching different methods used to pass a pre-employment drug test on a 4210.com blog on the subject and I'm finding various vitamin and H20 concoctions and recipes used to pass when I'm come across the following post by 'ok here it is':

"I have a foolproof way to pass a Drug test. Dont do Drugs!!!!!!! You Fucking Hippies!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha
Look at me I'm smoke tree...you look like an asshole you smelly dirty bearded hippies. You guys actually apply for jobs? Arent you guys all riding around the Mystery Machine travelling to the nearest forrest so you can Hug a Tree? Weed will NEVER be legalized you Cheech and Chong watching mother fuckers. Get over it. You're revolution is OVER. The BUMS LOST!!!!!!!!! My advice to you all is...they dont drugs test at Taco Bell
George W. Bush is GOD!"

I immiediately thought of Mazur and had to post.

Happy Holidays!

boobs

http://eldesorden.com/files/www.hahahumor.com/funny-flash-movies/boobs.swf

So this was found on Aaron Miranda's myspace page. Just thought I'd share.

THE BLACK SHOE DIARIES

So I woke today to find the wind chill had dipped below zero, meaning a day inside for a day-laborer.

To pass the time, I'm dedicating the day to drawing up an intinerary for Chi-Chi. In doing so, I realized that nearly all bars/venues in Chicago require a $50-$1,000 entrance fee for New Years.

Upon reading this, I entered my closet and blew the dust from my least favorite pair of shoes: THE BLACK SHOES

Knowing that we have 3 blissful nights together here, I wondered, do my friends dread the Black Shoe galas as much as I do? Then, I had a memory images montage...

(Miller being fake arrested, Williams passed out on Bear's couch, Weiss snorting Windex flavored sawdust, Lubahn shin-kicking his pregnant wife, Mazur drinking Wild Turey and yelling Indian war-chants, Kevin sleeping in the Oui parking lot with a hamburger in his mouth, Chambers at a rave, Faust crying in his bathtub, Clint pooping yellow from Test anxiety and Portillo riding a motorized scooter into the hood of his friend's car 10-15 times)

It was when I emerged from this montage that I thought, NO... NO, we are not Black Shoe wearers. If we are anything, we are a group that does NOT try to be anything we are NOT.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but, in looking for venues to drown ourselves in camaraderie, excitement and, of course, love, I mean booze, I'm looking into pretty raw, pretty random, pretty accomodating, pretty relaxed venues. To me, that is more defining of the IC than a button-down, Banana Republic, hair-gelled (no offense Brown), black-shoed crowd of people trying to superimpose their realities via dress attire.

Whoa. I fell off the wagon there. So, what do you think? No BLACK SHOES? Or are BLACK SHOES inevitable on NYE? I think maybe we bend on New Years, but, I've always thought, if I'm waiting in line to enter a place, I'll be waiting in line for the bathroom, drinks and to rub my denim-cock on the girl with the fake jubblies.

Here's to hole-in-the-walls and Sandals!

The emaciated A-Chub

Bear, the boys will be the bears in the playoffs. Just wanted to be the first to let you know.

8 I make #6 who is signed up for the secnd city show. Sorry I mocked your planning, Lee 7

You're welcome
(volume up please)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMPbt6Vmm7s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0AF3B99omc

NYE possibility:
Lund has decided to join us for the festivities. He is flying back from the Bahamas and plans to meet up with us. Last night, he was pitching a bar named LANDMARK for NYE and thinks he can get us some tickets (although they are probably expensive). Apparently its pretty bad ass and if you go, you are guaranteed to get laid. Honestly, there is no chance you won't. As soon as you tell them you are from Texas, they try to rip off your clothes. I think it has possibility. Williams, know anything about this place?

Just bought my ticket. It was lucky number five purchased for the group.

Lee, what was that thing you wanted me to mention? Oh, and congrats on Luhban's spelling, it was similiar to your own. And will somebody please give Luhban $10 for his plates so that I don't have to hear any more about those circular disks of annoyance.

Timeline of Portillo's Patience

Nov 29th - Posts the idea of us all getting to together to see a second city show. ( Nice idea)
Nov 30th - Gives confirmation number so we can all sign up for the same show. (Great organization and foresight)
Dec 1st - No report (He got high. Fact.)
Dec 2nd - Yells at us for not having signed up yet. Coined a new word, "DOOSH" (Starting to get a little pushy)
Dec 3rd - Tries by opening with a subtle and friendly "greetings friends." (translation: Sign up assholes or else my plan will be ruined)

Greetings friends. I just wanted to get a show of virtual hands for all who bought thier second city tickets. Get on it if you have not so all ready. I'd like to see everyone get this done faster than brown and williams give out weddings gifts. Which is to say, not at all.

HEY DOOSH BAGS! BUY YOUR FUCKING TICKETS!

Even williams is getting one and he fucking roofs for a living. A migrant fucking worker could afford these tickets OK! Just get em.

One month away...

At least the weather's nice (this picture was taken this morning)

Does anyone else see this when they sleep?

How you like them skills Burger Boy?!

Greetings friends.

Confirmation number for the second city show is 6896.

Tickets are 24 dollars and the show is Dec 30 at 8pm. Plus they have a space heater, which will be sweet. Get your tickets and get ready to laugh.

OK, So here is the final word on the tickets. With second city I cannot reserve tickets with my credit card. I can only buy them.

So please give me a show of hands of who whould like to experience one of the funniest nights of their lives Saturday, Dec 30? If we have a solid group together this is what we will do. I buy my two tickets and get a confirmation number. I will then post this number here on the IC and email it to you for repoduction.

You then will have to call second city at 312-337-3992 and buy your two tickets (One if you have no game. ) and use the confirmation number. This will insure that we get the seats together in the same section. So is anyone down?

I don't want to buy tickets if no one else wants to go.

In this group who would be who in this story?

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/ncaa/11/26/bc.fbc.footballbet.shoo.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

HAPPY TERRIBLE CONVERSATION DAY!!

Good morning friends. I hope you had the merry of merriest Thanksgivings. I hope you enjoyed America's made-up holiday that miraculously gives you two days off during the dregs of November to celebrate our thieving of land, pillaging of ``feather heads'' and creating a corporate structure to drain us of all ``liberties'' we've been ``given'' .

Welcome back to the freedom of the work environment, where 91% of your small-talk conversations with co-workers today will go as follows:

``Hey guy, how was your (inlcude lameism, ie `Turkey Day')?''
``Oh fine Ted. Just sat around, ate a lot, watched some football.''
``Man me too, I must of gained 10 pounds (fake laugh)''
``(fake laugh) I hear that, my Dockers are pretty tight today'' (fake laughter)

This will lead to:

``Man, I just got to make it through today'' or ``The first day back is always the toughest'' or ``I'm just watching the clock today. Gotta get home and gobble on some more leftovers''

I've bolded the keys words for the day. When muttered by someone in your office, I encourage you, a la Pee-Wee's Playhouse, to respond outrageously. Maybe by saying ``I'm thankful we pillaged the Indians'' or ``Squanto was kind of a pussy'' or ``Thanksgiving leftovers are a Stoner's Paradise'' or ``I got drunk and shit in a cornucopia''.
Also, please avoid these catch phrases and bring up something random in conversation. Maybe try to throw in `Turkey Day' words to see if they're heard like ``Database entry is gravy'' or ``Yam ight want to send him an email this morning'' or ``Greenbean casserole it's nice outside today!''

Just some thoughts. Have a Collard Greens day!!

Seriously Portillo, are you questioning my myspace pics? Isn't this your cover pic? I could see this my freshman year of high school as we shouted "not even homes" and snuck into the ditch to smoke a cigarette.... Are you wearing underwhere in this picture?

LOOK AT THIS PICTURE! It is from browns myspace. It begs two questions. The first is, why would you post this picture on your myspace? The second is, "When did we all turn ugly"? I don't know when it happened, I just know it did.

Top ten reasons Chicago is going to be the best trip ever...

10. The winter cold will hide the fact that we are the most unfit group of friends assembled in the city.

9. As in San Diego for the 4th of July, the cold will provent Williams from being the only man on the beach in a bathing suit that does not fit with his underware sticking out.

8.

THE HECKLER STRIKES AGAIN...

Can I get some random comments from strange guys? My editors loved for the last ones...

http://www.theheckler.com/news/templates/?a=431&z=4

Who is down to go second city while we are in Chitown this new years? I am in for two. Who else is down. Eveyone please RSVP who wants to go and wiliams reserve us tickets please.

RAISE THE ROOF...

Hi friends. I'm a roofer. This is week 4. It's now official. Sometimes this picture is me, which is scary. Especially because I'm typically a ``pussy'' or a `momma's boy'' or ``a douche''.

Anyhow, here is my quick synopsis of my latest career venture.

1. Ladders are scary

2. Roofs are steep

3. Snow is cold

4. Carrying a 90-pound bag of shingles up a ladder, onto a steep roof, in the snow is fun and easy. It's like data entry, only less challenging.

5. Nails hurt, regardless of if you step on them, sit on them, grab one with your palm or have one hit you in the face when pryed from an older shingle.

6. Blue collar work makes you hungry.

7. McDonald's, though often blamed for our country's obesity, is relied upon for fuel by day laborers. Double cheeseburgers only cost $1.10. Monopoly is back too. I have Park Place and Boardwalk.

8. Although many man controls broom, broom controls many man.

9. There is a 10-cigarette/day minimum in blue-collar culture. Only menthols or reds allowed. No `ultra lights' here pretty boys.

10. Yelling swear words, preferably in Spanish, is permitted at any time of day, in elation, pain, discouragement or when early morning Dunkin' Donuts settles in.

Have a good week.

Roofus

TCU
Homepage

I'm needy...

http://www.hoopswriters.com/index.php?option=com_content&Itemid=2&task=view&id=97

Zzzzz....

Indulge me friends....

http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/highschool/football/cs-061103libertyville,0,2881701.story?coll=cs-hs-football-print

Love,
Tony Kornheiser

PS - Viva la Chicago - 55 days or so...Weiss, get on board

Kudos to Weasel!


As you can see Weiss does appear to have all the qualities of an MVP. The intense "I want to do bad things to this philly" stare. As well as, the index finger belt loop pull. A move patented by A Dub when thrusting girls on the dance floor.

It's nice to see you have a sex-crazed-intense guy underneath all that sugary sweet exterior.

Long live Evil Weiss.

Ghost Bar - Saturday Night

I second a few things Bear said. First that this Vegas trip was one of the best in a long time. Sorry mazur but not starting off the trip losing a lot of money put everything on the right track for me. Second, Weiss really was the MVP. For a plethora of reasons. Some of which I visually document here. Not that Miller was not wonderful. Because deciding to come up and talk shit to the people standing next to me every time he found me playing craps is cool, it's just not MVP cool. The first time was the best where after screaming "Loaded Dice!" everytime someone rolled, a guy walked up, put his money down and was getting ready to play as miller leans in and says in his ears "Get your fucking guyavara out of my face." The man turns around and tells him, "I will have you kicked out of hear so fast.". Of course one of the best thing about craps is when the entire table wins together. So nothing made that table hotter then the brotherly love brought on by the MVP runner up.

So the first photo of Weiss seen here is one of my favs.
This was saturday night at the ghost bar. The things that really make this pic happen are 1) The face- nothing more can said, 2) the double fister, you should get a making it happen award for that 3) the spill on his shirt. I never saw you spill that night weiss but we have the evidence to prove it and the best of all 4) the bouncer in the background saying "Another fucking broke ass white boy who is overly excited about getting in". Everytime I am in vegas from now on, I'm going to the Palms, gamlbing there, playing there and bringing weiss.






So I follow that shot up with the hommie on the left. This was only a rondom shot of my lady dancing. But upon further review I noticed that it show weiss in full slump beaking action. We can't see the lady he was danvcing with but unlike other clandestine photos of people on the IC, we can be 100% sure that it is not mcrea. (Mazur please tell mccrea the next time you and her IM each other that she earned 2 reference this week on the IC)

To further stroke the Johnson of B-dub I have to include this photo to the right. Nicely done weiss. The best thing about this photo is after the club we were sitting in the Palms casino (last photo below) looking at all my photos and after seeing this one Weiss asks "Oh my God! Was this tonight?" Yes that was that night weiss. It looks like the double fist did its duty.

Oh ya, and Miller was arrested on Saturday.

VEGAS TALK:

Let's see....

Thursday, November 2.

Katie and I arrive at 9:30 PM, check into the Monte Carlo. Rolling high class baby! Blackjack until about 1:30 AM, Lost $50.

Friday, November 3.

Check out of Monte Carlo at 11 AM, head to Travel Lodge arrive at 11:30. (Rollin low class, very low class)

Weiss arrives promptly at 3PM. Gambling and drinking begin.

Portillo arrives at 5PM, 8 hours later than he promised. Spurs game watching party at The Wynn Hotel. Weiss and I take Spurs -5.5 (eventhough we knew Spurs suck at back-to-back games). Spurs lose, I'm pissed, Portillo and Weiss don't care for some reason.

Megan and her boyfriend (Michael Peatross) arrive at 10PM. More drinking ensues at Travel Lodge.

Marc Miller and Mark Hagan arrive at 11 PM - bruised and battered. Head down the strip to Imperial Palace.

Stop at beer stand for $2 draft. Weiss and I "merge" in line with Katie. Metrosexuals (one who looks roided up) behind us aren't pleased. They talk shit, Weiss talks back, nothing happens. "Where is Miller when you need him" - Weiss says.

Gambling and drinking from 12-1AM. Weiss plays about 7 hands of blackjack with Whitney Houston dealer, doubles his cash, tosses a $5 token at Whitney, then leaves a winner. Puts $20 on black as he screams aloud "I always bet on black", and loses.

The 9 of us then head to Harrahs 1AM - ????. I lose about $250-$300, betting like an idiot. Weiss hits on a girl from Baylor, does well until Michael Peatross tells girl that Weiss has a HUGE cock. Blur, blur, blackjack, blur, craps, more blur, video poker, blur.

Loss of Memory. Video evidence shows: Walk back to travel lodge, Weiss breakdances as we walk by live band, seawalking included. (Portillo please post this asap)

Back at hotel, Weiss, Miller, Hagan, Katie, and I get retarded high off some weed Portillo gave me. I passed out


I am sure I left out a lot, so please feel free to add (Miller, Weiss, Portillo) I have to get back to work. I'll let someone else go over the events for Saturday (I know Weiss wants to tell us about the girl he met at The Palms). All and all, one of the best trips in recent memory.

MVP: Brain "Borat" Weiss

Lesson Learned: Never stay at the Travel Lodge in Las Vegas.

Which of the items do you recognize?

Many of you were not here to witness Williams truck after the Red Dawg. It was red, and it was a truck, but that was about it. It was so small he had to cut a hole in the floor and pedal with his legs....

The popcorn, Lubahn?

The Slurpee, Mazur?

The milk, Chambers?

Carptenter posted these classic conversations in our fantasy league. I hope you find it as funny as I did....

During this past weekend, anyone who was over at Cleveland's house on Friday night got graced by Scotty G's presence. Let me tell you, it was classic. Here are how a couple of conversations went with the motivational speaker for car salesmen (that is his job now).

Nystrom: What's up Scott. Did you just get here?
Glasscock (after surveying the crowd): I am the baddest mother f-cker here aren't I?
Nystrom (completely shocked and confused): Wow

Me: What up Scotty G? What are you up to now?
Glasscock: Pretty much nothing.
Me: Wait, so you are looking for a job?
Glasscock: No, I have a job. I pretty much just sit on my couch and collect the paycheck! Me (Wanting to say, "Wait aren't you a motivational speaker for used car salesmen? Instead, walked away.)

On another side note: here is the conversation I had with Benson that same night:
Me: What up Scott? How are things?
Benson: What up Cleveland? Doing alright?
Me (deciding to go with it): Yeah, things are good.....good to see you.

The funny thing was that we were at Cleveland's house and Scott was calling me Cleveland....I guess we weren't that good of friends after all.

Who knew Carpenter was such a student of the human condition?

Alright, I've been thinking about this one for some time now. Not that I've had any awkward moments of my own lately, but, working weekends in a bar can expose you to a plethora of nauseating and painful interactions between genders.
Last night, for example, a girl was dressed as Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby. An unknown guy approached her and pretended to punch her repeatedly in the face. After a slight laugh, she realized this was his best attempt at conversation, however his Ike Turner-esque barrage continued for about 12 jabs. She looked at me (the bouncer) and said, ``Who the fuck is this guy?''.
Hearing her, he responded, ``C'mon, you know all girls like to be hit.''

She yelled ``Ugh, get the fuck away from me!'' as she stormed by. I stood awkwardly as he ``Glascocked'' his way out of it, acting as if he didn't care but deep down felt ashamed to not have anything more creative to induce conversation.

It made me think: What are the all-time most awkward/terrible moments myself or my IC friends have had with a female? I say we all give our top moment and vote on who's is the worst.

Here's mine:

Now please, this is my worst, please do not pass judgement. It actually pains me to admit this...

After a long afternoon at SMU for the Iron Skillet game, I drunk phoned Kristin, my recent ex who dumped me weeks before. After agreeing to see me, I arrived horribly drunk and stammering at her door. There, I confronted her about ``Sucking her new boyfriend's dick'' and, after crying, she called me Andrew, her new boyfriend's name. To compound one of the worst days of my life, I returned to a friend's apt and lied on the floor in tears. Passing out from the booze, I managed to write text messages to Kristin reading ``You look like you've gained weight'' and ``I hope Andrew like fat chicks''.

Yep. That's my worst. Not exactly awkward, but awful, awful, evil. Coming in a close second are:
The time Heather `Header' Zak rejected me, the time a girl accidently hit my erect member in eighth grade science or the time I told a girl I wouldn't ever hit her, but I'd ``shake the shit out of her''.

Bring it boys. Purge your worst. I think Faust made Piper throw-up and Portillo probably gave somebody a Dirty Sanchez along the way.

Also, probably a good week to keep the lady friends off the IC. But you never know, they could enjoy them...

Dubbers

i see that my lack of contribution to the blog has everyone talking politics. i don't vote, and probably never will except on a rural-municipal level. please suggest anything you fellas believe i may have some worthwhile, or facetious, whichever, opinion relevant or not to a topic. i know y'all are jock itching to read some of my ramblings.

did butz really get the boot?

it'd be cool if we could get, like, a new quote at the bottom every once in a while, even if it's still jack kerouac. chuck palahniuk's up our alley, hemingway was a drunk, etc...

john wayne gacy jr. for president...

WHY FAUST IS MOVING TO LONDON



Faust is pregnant. That's right people, Faust has a baby growing in him. Turns out a skull fuck from Kirt can impregnate a kitchen table. This is what rich people do when their children get pregnant out of wedlock (His dad owns 1,000 luxury hotels). They send them places far far away from everyone they know. God forbid some family friend see pregnant Adam walking around the Galleria shopping for maternity clothes. To spare the family name Faust agreed to move to London for twelve months where he will give birth to his and Kirt's child. The whole Piper artsy fartsy thing is a huge cover up. When Adam returns from London he's gonna tell everyone he was inspired by all the famous people making adoptions to make an adoption of his own. He's gonna name the kid Apricot Sylvester.

The reason the ad for Harold Ford Jr. peaved me was that he is from Memphis and is the poor black south's Barrack O'bama (heard of him Lubahn?). I saw him speak last year and he gives a lot of hope to the Memphis slums, poverty, and other things our little prissies asses will never know about...Also, the white woman asking for his number has created a lot of inter-racial dating tensions. Oh by the way, I humped a girl named KORVETTE.

I'm interracial.

LASTLY, you want f'ed up Ads. Watch THIS ONE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9WB_PXjTBo

Family ties...

ATTACK (F)ADS NEED OUT...

http://guerillawomentn.blogspot.com/2006/10/gop-aims-sleazy-blonde-bimbo-ad-at.html

This is atrocious. How polarized is our ridiculous political culture? What happened to integrity? Attack ads are the most juvenile, pathetic and self-degrading schemes, and yet they continue to spiral downward. Can a politician not garner enough respect from being him/herself that they revert to vomit-worthy tactics that smear their party more than aid their campaign?

Let's get political. Chambers, thoughts?

GUY MOVIES at Their Best…. Can’t Miss Comedies.

The Matador – This movie was overlooked by many when it arrived a few years ago (including myslef). It is an uncomfortable comedy starring the underrated Greg Kinear, and Pierce Bronson at his personal best. It is a guy movie, but still very smart. I hate how Anaconda or Last Action Hero are considered guy movies. I guess they assume most guys are mindless boobs. A



Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – Chambers has been on me to see this one as he was very proud of his discovery. Well, the skinny kid was definitely on to something. From the writer of the Lethal Weapon, KKBB is filled with sharp dialogue and a stellar cast. Robert Downey, Jr. is one of my favorite actors of all time and Val Kilmer plays a wonderful fag. And, Michele Monahan is a striking beauty. A-

Put it on your NetFlix que or head up to your local Blockbuster (while it still exists.)

So tomorrow is day one of my latest gig: A roofer assistant for Spencer Roofs, my uncle's company.

I'm going to get hurt. But at least it's a warm 37 tonight.

Please be my best friends and read the following: http://www.jargonchicago.com/

Have a nice day in your offices gentilemen.

MAZUR, here is the post you've been waiting for: the AW gets canned post. Unfortunately, I wrote a page and a half diatribe that did not publish and was erased. I said some choice words and will now simply highlight the firing process without as much bitter disdain and rage than painted in the first post.

A) Monday, Ocotber 2: A-Chub goes to work and is three of seven members of `team' at work. Chub does reasonable amount of work. Not much, but enough.

B) Tuesday, October 3, 3:42p.m.: A-Chub is called in by boss Nurse Ratched, known for her exposed plump, milky boobs and snarling disposition. Pretty professional. Ratched says they are there to discuss ``serious matter'', A-Chub is concerned that PG-13 emails sent to girl he's been dry-humping have surfaced. Ratched is accompanied by Orphan Annie HR look-a-like.

B) Tuesday, October 3, 3:44p.m.: Chub is deemed ``Terminated'' by Ratched, citing poor work performance on previous day (again, 4 of 7 absent) and tardiness. Chub counters with justification, which, at that time is quelled by HR skank saying ``This is more of a notification, not a discussion Mr. Chub.''

Chub: ``So I can't defend my case. I signed in at 9 because I had a meeting at 8:30''

HRore: ``Again Mr. Chub, this is a notification, not a discussion.''

Mr. Chub laughs disillusioned and looks at Ratched, who will not make eye contact with the Alpha Chub. Chub sarcastically says ``Bye Heidi'' as she exits.

Tuesday, October 3, 3:54p.m.: Whorphan Annie follows Chub to his cube and watches over him as he collects his items. Chub wants to shout out and damn the conformist, dead-souled, aspirationless troglodytes of Initrode, he however, is a conformist as well, and he tucks his Rooster tail between his legs and begrudingly shuffles through the door. As he leaves, Whorphan Annie takes his Initech key card and he gives a Nixon-esque wave as the elevator doors close.

Two weeks later, the Chub has been lowered to claiming Unemployment benefits, picking up a part-time Bar gig, applying at Starbucks (no reply) and interviewing at Bubbles Baby Academy. He's humbled but durable. No calls have been made to Mom or IC friends yet. Be Afraid.

Say mahn, Lemme hold a dolla...

Portillo,

Thanks for the info on the hotels in Vegas. Looks like I will be staying at the Knight's Inn on Thursday night.

And by the way, I just got your message from last night and found out:

1.) You can't go to Vegas
2.) You girlfriend broke up with you
3.) You lost your job

That sucks, Im sorry hear about all three of those. It's also too bad you are completely full of shit. Have you ever heard the story of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'? If not, I suggest you check it out. Might be good for you.

KevinBear

The Inner Circle

Peep this deleted clip from the new Borat movie...can't wait..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQhfGniF6t0

Jagshemesh!

MY NEW JOB!

Hi friends. I got a new job. Here it is: http://www.theheckler.com/

The Make-It, Take-It story is by yours truly. Feel free to comment on the story so my editor thinks I'm a somebody.

Mitch Albom

Here's the deal; I have 2 rooms for us at the Hilton Chicago downtown for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday Night. The rooms are $189 a piece. If we have four to a room, which we will, it is $47.25 a person (It's $15.75 a night- that's like a pack of Parliaments, an Orangina, and a copy of Jane Eyre.

Well worth it.

I'm in.

Clint is in (he's sleeping with me).

Kev and Clay are in.

I think Mazur and Vaughn are in.

Portillo and Eleah are in.

Who else?

I will be flying from Chicago to London. This is my last hurrah.

Hurrah!

MAVS RAP

I wrote this for a contest on the Ticket. It has some Ticket references, that were requisite, but I'm proud of it. I'm not proud of my first unemployment check being delayed.

WIN & JUICE (MAVS REMIX)
Avery: Awww, yeah Dallas…It’s about that time again…
Cuban: Aww yeah, you know what time it is…
Cuban: You know, how it works… It goes a lil’ sumtin’ like this… I think y’all will recognize this tune (especially Dan, who’s hood)
(Avery) With so much drama in AAC,
It’s kind hard being lil’, Avery
But I, somehow, someway,
Keep comin up with wicked mad D like every single day,
(Dirk) May I, stop up behind the arc for some threes,(Avery: Yeah)
And grab a few boards as I breeze through,
Two in the mornin’ and the party still jumpin cuz Stevie aint home.
(Josh) I got sticky D on my man and I’m getting it on,
givin’ nightmares so he aint sleepin till 6 in the mornin!
(Devin)So what you wanna do ?,
I got a dirty cross-over and my homie Jet do too
So turn on the lights and open the doors,
But for what, the best team on the Floor! (Avery: Yeah)
So we gonna win the league with this,
Mavs Up, Heat down while Bob and Dan Bounce to this…

(Chorus: Repeat twice)
Rolling through league,
riding Dirk and Jet,
Listenin to Bob and Dan,
Laid Back
With our minds on the trophy and the trophy on our minds.

Verse 2
Now that, we got the secret to Win,
Everbody turn the station to Ben & Skin,
Now these two boys are talking all the time,
Tellin us Mavs stuff to keep us in line.
Everything is fine, when you’re listening to K-T-C-K,
They got the cultivating genius of Gay- Not-Gay,
Dan listens, to words Corso speaks,
As he spreads the myth of the baby arm freaks,
And get to crackin on Corso during Gameday (Gameday?),
And watch all the P1s say hey (Wit dem posters?)
80 degrees up in the AAC,
Don’t touch our Western Conference Banners cuz you’ll get none of these,
At ease,
As I listen to Bob & Dan feel the breeze, Grizzibble I’m just…

Chorus: Repeat Twice
Rolling through league,
riding Dirk and Jet,
Listenin to Bob and Dan,
Laid Back
With our minds on the trophy and the trophy on our minds.

Verse 3:
Later on today,
My homie Corby comin on wit a whole lot to say,
And a fat ol’ merkin, one that makes P1s laugh till they choke,
This aint no joke,
It makes you step back and put the radio down,
Merkins, Baby arms and Grego, this is messed up now,
But there aint no stopping,
Cuz the Ticket keeps poppin,
And one Ticketchick hails from the city of Compton,
She’s a Mavs fan, Just like the rest of Big D,
Expecting a ring from the Boys and AverY,
Don’t get upset League that’s just how it goes,
We don’t love dem’ bros’,
We out the do’
And we’ll be...

(Repeat twice)
Rolling through league,
riding Dirk and Jet,
Listenin to Bob and Dan,
Laid Back
With our minds on the trophy and the trophy on our minds

One of the worst offensive games by a quarterback I have ever seen in football history. From little league football to the NFL, I have never seen such a pitiful performance by a QB. Rex Grossman looked flat out horrendous.

Coming into the game Monday night, I was just as confident as I’m sure the whole city of Chicago was. I mean, this was the rebirth of the '85 Bears and we were playing the Arizona Cardinals. No way were we going to lose. This was the new undefeated Bears against the same ol' 1-4 Arizona Cardinals, they were suppose to lose! No one (with the exception of maybe Brian Weiss) thought the Cardinals stood any chance in the world. But in the famous words of Chris Berman, "That is why they play the game."

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(I really do not want to write a full article about this game, mainly because I am at work and I am trying not to get fired, plus I am sure most of you saw at least the first half and saw how bad the Bears were and how good Matt Leinhart and the Cardinals were. Therefore I will just sum up my night in the final 6 minutes of the game.)
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With 6 minutes left to play and the Bears down 23-10, Rex threw his 4th INT (6th turnover) and I finally said that is enough. I had been blowing up at the TV all night and I had seen enough games to know that the Bears chances of winning at this point looked pretty bleak. I turned off the TV and told Katie it was time to call it a night. Depressed I was. All the expectations and hype about this team going undefeated had completely vanished. Katie kept telling me, "It's only one loss Kevin" but it was a lot more than just a loss, it was the Arizona fucking Cardinals! And what made it worse was that I was going to have to hear Weiss tell everybody how he was right and we should've listened to his wisdom. I got in bed and watched the last 15 minutes of a Seinfeld to try to cheer me up.

After the episode, I said, "We’ll let’s just see what the final was" and flipped to ESPN. The score read "Chi 24 Arz 23".... And then came what seemed like a very long silence ... was I dyslexic? "Chicago 24, Arizona 23" - I kept repeating it in my head, "Chicago 24, Arizona 23". WAIT A MINUTE! CHICAGO 24?!!!! What and the hell happened??? I couldn't believe it. Before I could get too excited I noticed Arizona was driving and were about to set up a final field goal attempt. "They're not going to win, they somehow have comeback, but no point in getting excited over nothing" - I told Katie. But as the final field goal attempt went wide left, and the Bears secured their 6th victory of the season to go to 6-0, I was in complete shock and disbelief. They won, they somehow pulled it out. No offensive touch downs, 6 turnovers, and they won.

Unfuckingbelievable!

I can go on and on and try to describe the way I felt after this, hell I couldn't even sleep. I had to check the internet this morning just to make sure it wasn't a dream.

I must get back to work now, I could go on and on if I wanted to but I think you guys get the point. And Weiss, I told you that was a bad bet.....

BEAR