Corporate Lingo - These are pretty funny, as a recruiter I see/hear a lot of this and most are very true.



"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.


"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.


"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.


"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.


"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.


"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.


"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.


"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).


"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.


"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.


"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.


"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.


"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.


"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

This made me cry.

Brett, stop texting pics of your junk.

However, this girl is obscenely hot. But she didn't want to see your junk. She called you a "creepy douche." Man, I wish Brett would have just retired a Packer.

PS: This is Jenn Sterger's second time on the blog. Do you remember her first appearance? (without googling it?)

This guy killed it in the TCU Money Management Program

Astoundingly Terrible Texas Rangers Song

It's Time

(Listen for genius Bernie Madoff reference)

Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U
Uploaded by MovieFanQS. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

These Rangers Look Fo' Real

can this guy join our wolfpack?... that it may grow by one.

Adam Faust = Macaulay Culkin

After accosting his brother for eating all his cheese pizza, Macaulay (Kevin McAllister) snapped at his mom and dad, stormed to the attic bedroom and ended up missing the trip to France.

Reread the above sentence, replace brother with sister and eating cheese pizza with smoking last cigarette.

Bam.

Culkin is Faust.

Mac C. was also arrested for possession of weed in 2004 and is the gayest non-gay in movies. He is so not gay, he is dating Mila Kunis, whose name is equally as eccentric as Piper Huddleston's.

Matthew Chambers = William Zabka

The famed leader of the Kobra Kai, Zabka was once a bright light on the scene. Then, just as it seemed his career would take off, poof, he was gone.

Put him in a Body Bag.

(Also appeared in Hot Tub Time Machine, Chambers favorite movie)

Lee Portillo = Harry Henderson

The following plotline is the story of Harry Henderson with splices of Lee Portillo's life:

On their way home to Seattle from a camping trip, the Hendersons accidentally run over a strange and unknown creature *wearing white tennis shoes and a birdshit shirt. Unsure what else to do, they strap it to the roof of their car and take it home. Once there, the revived creature goes wild, *borrowing all of their clothing, eating bathroom soap and putting his boogers underneath the couch. Eventually, the family realizes that the creature is the legendary fuzzy albino Mexican, and is actually very gentle, *though lacks common tact and manners.

Kevin Dalrymple = Bill Fagerbakke

Who else could be Craig T. Nelson's assistant besides Bear?

Fagerbakke (Is that pronounced "Fag-er-back"?) was Dobber, or as the picture reads "Dobbs". He is 6'6'', he played college football at Idaho, got hurt, and took up theatre at SMU.

Dobbs also loves to jumprope and has biked across a glacier. Kevin loves to jumprope but hasn't biked a glacier; yet.

While I couldn't find a good nickname for him (though Dobber is awesome), he is currently the voice for an animated transformer named Bulkhead and Patrick Star on SpongeBob Squarepants.

Bear, meet Bear.

Brian Weiss = Joey Lawrence

Known for his outlandish behavior, catchphrases and boyish good looks, Lawrence says "Woahhh" like Weiss says "Mean, Mean Cry!".

Both have a passion for dance, women and song. Lawrence can ryhme, Weiss can flow, these two go together like "Whoa, Whoa!!"

Lawrence got his break in a Cracker Jack commercial and then sang "Give My Regards to Broadway" on Johnny Carson. I can see Weiss doing both of those, in a tux on roller skates, and one-upping the legend that is Joe Joe Lawrence. I also bet Lawrence couldn't beat Big Taco in a Battle Rap after Faust's wedding.

Adam Williams = Sinbad

Fat, not that funny and both think they are a lot blacker than they really are.

Both have struggled with paying taxes and, though Sinbad beat Williams to the punch, both have considered filing Chapter 7 Bankruptcy in the past year.

Bad dancer. Went bald.

What more proof do you need?

If We Were All Bad Actors

Who Would We Be?

Marc Miller - Brendan Fraser
You never know what to expect from B. Fraser, but you can expect it to be alarming. Starting with his breakout role as an unthawed caveman in Encino Man, BF has continued to wow us with hits such as The Mummy 1-4, George of the Jungle, GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra and Furry Vengeance.

If this body of work doesn't scream Marc Miller, than Brent Lubhan can spell dodecahedron ten times fast. Marc also has the screen saver to the left on his computer.

Clint Brown - Nick Cage

If you had to guess one member of the IC that would find the missing 18 pages from John Wilkes Booth's diary, who would you guess?

Yes, exactly, you would guess Clint.

National Treasure, The Wicker Man, Ghost Rider (played the character Johnny Blaze), Con Air, Raising Arizona and, of course, Vampire's Kiss.

Cage and Brown are interchangeable in any of these roles.

* (Only Oscar winner in the group for Leaving Las Vegas)

BS Lubahn - David Arquette

I truly think if we hosted an "Act off" between Lubahn and Arquette, Lubahn might win. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Lubahn is better speller than Arquette an actor. And thatz sayeng sumthing. (Already reached the max Lubahn spelling joke limit of two...or is it too?(that's three))

I do think that if Lubahn got an acting role he might play a character named "Dewey" (Scream), get eaten (Ravenous) or have a break out role in Eight Legged Freaks.

On the bright side, both have stable marriages with successful, talented women.

Michael Mazur - Seth Green

Feisty, funny, wealthy, Jewish, not tall. Green is the voice of Chris Griffin on Family Guy, Mazur's favorite show. If these two went golfing together, they would fight. Not sure who would win, but one would drown and the one left living would take the dead one's wallet and finish the round.

Some of Green's stuff on Robot Chicken is so weird its funny. I think Mazur's actually made us laugh referencing chimp rape.

Nick Butz - Alf

Both are Cardinals fans.

Hey buddy the songs over....

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/01/24-english-accents_n_747400.html

Best Fight Scene Ever

i got into a fight at school yesterday evening, and luckily someone recorded it. when the shit hits the fan you better know how to handle yourself.

TCU HEADED TO THE BIG EAST?

Things have pretty much stayed the same, in fact, we might be worse now considering we are "Icing" people at the lake house:

Dont Ice Me Bro!

United We Stand

Divided We Fall

Can I get an update on the U.S. these days?

If I read one more tea party story, I'm moving to Bhutan.

In Bhutan GDP is measured in happiness.

Do things change or stay more or less the same?

humor.

Wallstreet - Did you like it, love it, hate it? The original Wallstreet is in my top 3 favorite movies of all time, so I don't really like the fact that they remade it and really don't like Shia LeBouf, although maybe he will surprise me. I would like a quick review if anyone goes.

Roger Federer continues to be a part of my existence.

I'd say a day that passes when I am not reminded of my likeness to him is in the minority. This weekend, the Andre Agassi Farewell Tour came to Costa Rica (four years after his retirement) and I heard about 111 Federer references. My question is, does anyone else have a universal world twin/doppelganger? If not, we should vote to assign them.

I think one of these guys (terrible Mexican band Molotov) looks like Faust

I also think this is funny.

adub, is this funny?

POLLS

The polls are intended to be fun and random. I am not looking to call anyone out- I hope that no one feels like I am making a joke of them. I was just thinking of people who might be relatively close in speed. I was simply inspired after watching the Seinfeld episode,"The Race."

POLL -

Do you know the TCU Alma Mater song?

Please answer Yes or No.

So lately my life has been largely occupied by work. Specifically there was a deadline that we had to hit by the end of August. Long story short sometime this spring I mentally committed to not cut my mullet until we delivered on this task, fortunately we hit the target two weeks ago, but now I have become emotionally attached. This picture was taken today and I just wanted to share seeing as the tail's days might now be numbered. Also, tomorrow I will be taking this to present to the Office of Navel Research. Meaning, I will be rocking the business mullet.

lubes brought up mixed genders, or transylvannies, or whatever... good work. adub, i think you asked for an opinion on racism, by tosh.daily? cancer next? what was that? tosh.doesgallagher?

next poll: how long til adub gets cease and desist from tosh.oh?

we have to move the tranny pics lower...

So I was recently in DC and on the last day I was taken to eat at Perry's in the Adam's Morgan district, which is a very eclectic area and one that given more time I would probably go back to.

Perry's -

Myself and five of my female colleagues went to the 10:00am Drag Brunch. The food and Bloody Mary's were fantastic. Being groped and stripped of my shirt by a transsexual was less than fantastic but memorable none the less.



More enjoyable pics




I questioned announcing this but now welcome the creative thoughts that are surely to come. (Smiling on the outside, hoping the she doesn't rub her cock on me on the inside.)


Bear, I now feel your pain!

you asked for it adub.

TURN UP YOUR SPEAKERS

And Happy 4th Birthday IC Blog

tosh.0

Since I don't know how to post the actual video in, I'll give you baseball fans the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWQv0DOIG0s

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Who on this blog gambles college/and or pro football? The season starts tomorrow!!! I would like to do a weekly post on my wagers for the week if others are involved in this vice. If you do not gamble, but are looking to start, I have an amazing bookie I can refer you to and we both get a referral bonus of $200. He has a website that I use primarily for my wagers, but also has a call center. It is legit. It is time to start making some money. My picks for tomorrow night only:


Ticket#:19876612

5 Team Teaser 6, 6½, 7 ">FB, 4,4½,5 BK

[133] SO MISSISSIPPI +20-110 (B+6)

[135] MARSHALL +34½-110 (B+6)

[137] NO ILLINOIS +10½-110 (B+6)

[140] UTAH +3-110 (B+6)

[145] FLORIDA ATLANTIC +21-110 (B+6)

Ticket#:19876617Sep 02 11:00 PM

STRAIGHT BET[142] HAWAII +21-110

Let me know what you think or who you are on this weekend. I have rationale for all of my picks, if you are interested in hearing the "whys." I hope someone shares this love with me.

Butz

Last night was a top five non-major moments in my life (major moments are baby, wedding, etc...)

I caught a foul ball.

A foul ball hit by Albert Pujols.

Piper and I were about 20 rows back on the lower level on the first base side. In the sixth inning, Pujols hit a high foul ball that towered above us. It appeared it would end up in the second deck, but I remained vigilant and transfixed on the ball- Piper was transfixed on her nachos.  The ball caromed off the second deck, dropped about 100 feet, and I caught the ball with one hand.  It was a magnificent moment.  The crowd cheered- and as I stood there stunned, a drunk yelled out, "You're gonna need to change your underpants!"

As to not make this post entirely self-serving, please post some of your magnificent non-major moments.

if anybody gets a little tv time on wednesday...


http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/surviving-the-cut/episode-guide/

Crazy Video

The Social Experiment

We had a shoot for one of our clients from Minnesota. We used two of our employees and two of their employees. Can you guess who is from Texas and who is from
Minnesota?










And the true Texans are.....

today's word is "steroidy".

yee. haw.

A video worth posting....he speaks the truth

jewel can suck it.

2011 Boundary Waters Canoe Trip Clint and I recently met for the first time here in the great state of Minnesota and he threw out the idea of a Boundary Waters Canoe trip next summer. It would be an awesome trip, my brother and his buddies do it each year. Check out the Boundary Water site - http://www.bwca.com/ and you will see that this is pretty sweet. The basics of the trip are what you want to bring you will need to carry on your back, you eat what you catch and just chill out. You can portage as much as you like or just create a home site and do smaller day trips. Breakfast over a fire, fishing/swimming during the day, drinks and extracurriculars during the campfire at night.....not bad Thoughts?

lie.

cognitive dissonance.

get it popping.

The new chica

Lubahn, you always (creepily) ask for pics of my girlfriends/dating companions.

Here you go.

She's the one just off the left testes.

this deserves its own post....butzxxxs comment on the like it or not turning 30 post.

Butz said...
I have been 30 for two months, so I can speak to this topic using experience, though limited. First of all, who gives a fuck how old you are? Is 28 different from 30? Is 36 different from 30? It isnt, so who cares. My balls have a few more wrinkles, but the junk works the same as always. I do not put pressure on myself to get married, have kids, or conform to other social norms, so if those things hinge on an age in your psyche, I do not share the concern. If my family ever pressured me to do so, I would punch them in the collective taints. I may be getting off topic with the taint punching, but I guess what I am getting at is this: everyone on this blog has a life that is enviable by the majority of the rest of the world, so we should all be grateful regardless of our age. For those of us without kids, be grateful that you don't have a money leach attached to your every financial decision for at least the next 18 years. For those of us with kids, be grateful that you get to watch them grow into a hateful teenager and then an ungrateful young adult soon thereafter. Relish the thought of them coming home after their first date smelling like MD 20/20 and Virginia Slims stolen from grandma. Off topic again, back to the point. Your age is what you make it? You are as young as you feel? I think all the cliches apply. I am going to shotgun a beer and take a rip from a water bong now.

2:16 PM

i love nose rings. and check out the house in the back!

Top Ten Worst Sports Logos  (click to see all)

Every one has an opinion when it comes to logos and I thought this was a decent 5 minute time-waster.

One of my teams is on their- and with good reason. I disagree with a few of these.  I don't mind the Rays and I love the Blazers.  They even explain what the Blazers logo means.

Any other suggestions?

I think Williams has the "There's gotta be something wrong with that guy hat". Pretty sure he wore it to N. Mexico...

I don't know about, but I'm just a regular everyday normal guy..

Like it or Not

In the next 12 months, almost everyone reading these words, will celebrate birthday number

What does that signify? The end of youth? The beginning of true adulthood? Will I wake on March 18, 2011 and feel instantenously older, less exuberant, a tad more crotchety and slightly less able-bodied?

I like to think not. But, as aging has happened, I've found myself adjusting my rules for defining "old". Twenty five was old when I was 21. Twenty nine was old was I was 25. Thirty four was old when I was 28. And this year, I've moved it up to 40. I'm going to try to hold it there.

Twenty nine has significantly altered my mindset. The 25 year old and 26 year old at work are simply too naive to understand most things, I salivate a little more than I used to for acquiring greenbacks, career urgency is amplified and going out to a bar (except when you all are around) almost repulses me.

I wonder what 30 will bring?

I think Butz and Lubahn are the first to go. Then Brown. Then Me. Then Faust. Then Portillo. Then Kevin. Then Mazur. (correct order?) Miller, Weiss and Chambers all escape for another year.

Cheers to the dwindling days of our third decade on Earth, amigos.

progress.

Here is one Williams and I have been kicking around for awhile.... what kind of superhero would you be?I am going to take old Clint Brown.

Name: The Nesquik Kid
Good or Evil: Good
Powers: Shoots chocolate milk from his Hair, electromagnetic LA Looks ray-gun, Toxic green poop
Weakness: Anne Rice Novels, Fake Leather Jackets
Sidekick: Bevo
Arch Nemesis: Jack Lubahn 
 
If you want to take the 10 question super hero quiz click here.

I was Professor X.

NBC Preseason Top 25 (yup, its that time of year again...)

1. Alabama

2. Ohio State

3. TCU!

4-25. - whocares

GO FROGS!

I used to dream that I was Re-Ro



"On the monkey bars!"

Costa Rican Butz

Come Visit!

Faust works at Pottery Barn

Double Rainbow....all the way!

anyone ever get a certain word stuck in their head?

micturate.

i confess.

OK, so obviously no one wants to follow up the most epic post in IC history, but I do like attention so I figure I will take a stab at it.  Here is my confession: I had this poster hanging up in my room.  I f' love Alanis Morisette.  I welcome criticism or support, and offer this question, "What questionable posters did you have as a kid?"

Jewel

This is a confession. I heard this song this morning and it reminded me of being 14 and staying up to watch VH1 hour upon hour for this video to play, I even had the cd. This morning, I almost downloaded it on iTunes.






I know you'll watch it all the way through, and if you're alone, you will turn up the speakers. Just click play, I dare you.

What's in a Name?

The other night, I got into a conversation about people's names. Here are some of the observations by the group of five.

* No one had ever met a guy named Conrad who wasn't chubby

* A Tiffany or several Tiffany-ies had wronged everyone sometime in life

* Girls named Dana aren't usually pretty (their name is actually just Dan with an A)

* Almost all Brad's are arrogant, even mildly so

* Goth Kids are never named Matt

On a personal level, I've also never met a guy named Austin that I liked very much and generally have never been a big fan of people named after cities.

I'd like to hear other people's name beef.

Here were some of George Carlin's.

Sorry for the shot Carlin takes at you, Brent.

I highly recommend for everyone in the IC to watch the new 30 for 30 documentary "The Two Escobars". It is about the 1994 Columbian soccer team. It is a lot of subtitles (sorry Chambers), but within the first 5 minutes of watching you will be glued to your television for the full two hours. Even Katie loved it, and she is not a soccer fan what so ever. It makes you appreciate where we live, it makes you think just how strong the ties are between real life shit and sports (pay attention Williams), and it is a great history lesson on Columbia as a country and how fucked up shit really was over there. It's fucking awesome, you can download it from YouTube if you dont have a TV (Williams). They also replay all the time, so set your DVR.

After you watch this, I also recommend a lot of the other 30 for 30 series:

June 17, 1994 (OJ Simpson chase)

The 16th Man (this is another sports tie in with real world shit (pay attention Williams) - regarding S. Africa)

Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knicks

Small Potatoes - Who Killed the USFL

Without Bias

Fuck, they're all good. Even the hockey one on Wayne Gretzky. If you arent watching 30 for 30, then start now.

http://30for30.espn.com/

It wouldnt let me embed... JaMarcus sippin on some sizzurp (sp?)

http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/the_sporting_blog/entry/view/70638/offsides_forget_the_sunny_d,_jamarcus_russell_likes_the_purple_stuff

If you don't watch this in its entirety you'll turn into a meth-ed out Bob Costas.

MOTHERFUCKIN'
THREE POSTS
IN A ROW
BITCH

If you are not familiar with this show, get familiar. It was just cancelled this week after its second season on Starz, which is beyond ridiculous (both that it was cancelled and that it was on Starz). You can stream both seasons on Netflix and I encourage you to do so.

Is there an IC fantasy football league? If yes, how do I get invited and can we make it a keeper league?

courtesy darpa: