I had never heard of the Notting Hill Carnival, as I am sure most of you have not either. It has quite a proud, yet tumultous, history. If you have any interest check it out here. It is a celebration of the large Jamaican and Trinidad population of people in the area of Notting Hill. The area in which I live and work, and from my experience the best area of London. It is where some of the greatest music and art have come from in London. It is also an area mired in racial tension.

My pub, The Pelican, is in the heart of the action, and everyone told me to expect the craziest party Ive ever seen. Coming from New Orleans and Mardi Gras I dismissed them as silly Brits. I was the silly one. It was hands down the wildest 2-day party I have ever seen. I worked about 30 hours in 2 days staying awake by feeding off adrelane, booze, and drugs. All I could think is that I wish I had my true mates with me.

I bounced my first guy. He called one of my staff, Nadius, a "fuckin cunt." So I threw him against the door. He was about 5'5" and 120 lbs, but hey, I showed him. He then told me how he will come back and stab me. I'm waiting. I'd love a stab wound. Feeding off my testoerone, I tried to move a much larger, much blacker man from behind the bar. When he turned around he appeared to be on crack. Not that I know what that looks like, but crack is crack, and this mother was cracked out. He looked at me and then tried to head butt me. I moved back in time to just take it to the chin, and then he threw me down a couple stairs. As I collected myself I saw him charging at me while fishing for something in his pocket. I was scared. I heroically hid in the women's bathroom. The real bouncer we hired (Dre) got rid of him.

I realized I hadn't reported much from London, and I thought this was worth recounting. Cheers.

so growing up i always wanted a hedgehog. why you ask? well probably because i've always been a little off my rocker. anyway, i was visiting norway a couple of weeks back to do a site visit for work. in the evenings, we would party (which by the way in norway one beer runs you around $8-$9). on one of my drunken walks back to the hotel, i encountered this mythical creature and thought to myself, "damn it mom why didn't you ever buy me a hedghog?!" i've heard that hedghogs are prickly with soft bellies so i had to find out. and they do...have soft bellies.

Well, the time is upon us. We have many questions to be answered and EVERYONE must be heard from.

Will the IC make the NYE celebration an annual affair?
Will the IC members be able to agree on a locale for the event?
Will the IC hurricane destroy the celebration of a new year with bitter arguments and drunken rage?
Will Miller makeout in front of his girlfriend again? (though, as the only witness that girl did kiss Miller)
Will Williams steal another kiss from Mrs. Dalrymple at midnight?
Will Lubahn, Chambers, and Weiss make up for their absence in 2007?

I believe all of these things will ring true. So, the real question is where will the party take place. These are the cities I have heard mentioned and everyone has there pros and cons.


Austin would be money for NYE and there are two Omnis there as well. It would be a lot cheaper for most of us and I think it would be a great time. Of course, this is not the most adventurous of excursions.


Denver has been getting a lot of attention from many... and I know the Bears are pushing for this one. We could go early and do some skiing. I believe there is an Omni there as well. But this would be a pricey one.


Fort Worth. A great town and even cheaper as Hotel Mazur and The Lubahn Resort would be able to house most of us. But it's Fort Worth, and probably the least exciting place to have NYE.


Miami. The Mazurs have been pushing this one since Jan 1 2007. It would be amazing and we could probably find a lot of Cuban guys to party with... The only problem with this one is there is no hotel hook up.


San Diego. A beachside property for NYE would be a change of pace and I'm sure the Portillos would be excited about this one. We could also talk about San Fran, but no LA. Sorry, I just wont go back there. Omni-present as well.


These are the things, These are the things, These are the things, These are the things dreams are made of....

Another One Bites the Dust



Many of you had me pegged as the next one to go, but Mr. and the future Mrs. Dalrymple surprised us all (including my dearest Piper). Bear told me the news when we were on the beach in Brighton. My first reaction was not, "Congratulations" but the not so unexpected selfish remark, "Piper is going to kill me." But we were very happy to be the first to congratulate and party with The Bears. I asked Kevin for some guidance, "How did you know?" He answered in that wonderful frank way Kevin always does, "I always knew, so I figured what's the point of waiting."

The night they returned from Florence (where he did the deed) we decided to put the girls to bed early and wander around London. We smoked 5 J Birds, and laughed and reminisced about the "good times"
-Lubahn's quick thinking shower when the Darling's arrived at bonged-out Trail Lake. And Miller's surprising quick cleaning to de-chronic the house.
-Weiss enchanting every woman at the Vegas Ghost Bar
-The many times Lee would break into Lubbock and get some solo high time
-The last night in Chicago when Bear, Williams and I got drunk on red wine till Bear had to leave for the airport. Eventually pissing of Katie when he kept setting off the metal detector because he couldnt walk a straight line, and continued to walk into the side of it.
-That we both think Lee stole those fuckin deer plates. And how we both think Lubahn deserves it for his dog eating the only good shoes Lee has ever owned

So, let me be the first to say congratulations Bear and Katie. And that, we're down to 6 single men. We are growing up my friends. And the best thing about that is that we're growing old together.

Love and Always Openly Awkward Affection,

HISTORY OF THE IC

I read a quote this morning by Henry Adams that said:

`History will die if not irritated. The only service I can do to my profession is to serve as a flea.'

This week, two friends from high school have been crashing at my place. It's been nice. I have a lot acquaintance-friends here, but none that carry much significance. Having these two guys here this week reminds me that, a crucial element of true friendship is History.

We have that here. We've known each other since the tail-end of pimple-faced adolescence (no offense Chambers) to fatherhood (L). The thing I love about old friends, is that there is not need to re-trace and stumble around bullshit about `Where your from'. We already know that.

I guess I'm being Johnny Melancholy bloggist b/c the IC is dormant. The more we allow communication to dwindle, the more distant, removed friends we become. Don't let that happen.

TRENDS DON"T MAKE FRIENDS

Hi caucasians. So yesterday, I went shopping for the first time since my Mom bought me an orange OP (Ocean Pacific) tee and Reebok PreSeasons.

I was aware of the Skinny-jeans trend of pop culture and have mocked it since it's inception. I thought I was just being a cynic, but by looking at them, I thought `They just look uncomfortable.' I think, if you are sacrificing comfort for trendiness or cool points, you are completely not cool.

So, yesterday, I found what I thought were cool jeans, in my size (48x44). They were in an assortment of colors, so I took three pair back to the changing room. I had no idea, but I'd just brought back, 3 pair of ...SKINNY JEANS.

I'm a big dude and have big legs (college nicknamed: Tree Trunks). In trying to pull the first pair up to my waist, the section that covers your thighs, got caught on my calves. By the time I got them up to my waist, I was sweating. After buttoning them and causing my testicles to groundhog back into my tummy, I looked into the mirror to observe my ridiculousness.

The pants were gray and, my first thought was: ``I look like I'm wearing Raulings Little League pants.'' It was awkward. All I needed were some stirrups, Pony cleats, a `Rowdies' jersey and Big League Chew.

As I exited the room, a girlie said `How did those work for ya?'

`Not.' I said. She laughed and I said, `I don't know how guys wear those things. I was afraid I'd never get them off.'

When I looked up, I saw a guy waiting in line for the fitting room. He'd heard me. I looked at his get-up: Spiked fro-hawk, Ramones T-shirt, studded belt and of course, ripped Skinny Jeans. He tried to ignore my glare, but when he made eye contact with me, I smirked. I realized two things: A) I had Skinny Jeans 17 years ago. They were called Wrangler's and I wore them on Pizza Friday. B) He probably sits on his balls a lot.

Lastly, Kevin, you in Skinny Jeans might be the most absurd thing ever witnessed. Unfortunately for Michael Mazur and Matt Chambers, they might still look like JNCOs.

In a strange move today Kevin McHale traded Kevin Garnett to the Houston Comets of the WNBA. In return the Timberwolves will receive every player on the team. The Timberwolves also get the owner's kids, the rights to the (281) Houston area code, and the team van. Garnett had this to say, "WHAT THE FUCK? Kevin McHale..........LUNATIC. I told that alien bitch I didn't want to be traded. " The team had a press conference. One of the many questions directed towards McHale was simply "Why?". He answered with this, "We'll that's a good question. So here's a good answer. The Minnesota Timberwolves are going to diversify. So I will be the proud General Manger of a Brothel and the Houston Comets will be my employees." After a reporter replied, "Kevin brothels are illegal." Kevin simply replied, "FUCK YOU BITCH I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT." He then gave the international eat out sign to everyone in the room. It should also be noted that McHale was just wearing a Speedo and a pink boa to the press conference.

Williams,

Just so you know,... you were wrong.... again. This is not the first time this has happened since you unplugged your television in January of 2005 either. In fact, there have been countless moments since then when you havent been able to recall sports history or even Save By The Bell trivia quite like you used to.

This is what happens when you "Kill Your Television"

Example #1

Williams: "Kevin, Oklahoma went 5-6 in 2005 and didnt even make a bowl game!"

True Answer: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/teamsched?teamId=201&year=2005

Example #2

Williams: "Katie, I promise you that Louisiana Tech's mascot IS NOT the Bulldogs!!"

True Answer: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/clubhouse?teamId=2348

Example #3

Williams: "No, Im pretty sure Mrs. Belding's first name was Barbara."

True Answer: http://www.tv.com/saved-by-the-bell/earthquake/episode/21787/summary.html

Fabulous idea Weiss...

What do you say boys? Half of us are in a league already. So lets screw the Bradys and the Boyds of the world and start anew.

Predictions for the IC Fantasy Football League Year 1

1. Miller will be online in Khazazksbahr ready to go at Draft Time
2. Portillo will draft Eleah Harper in Round 1, and then sign off
3. In the first week Mazur will post about goblins, clitoral shivers, and the scrotums of yaks
4. Weiss will promise he wont go bored. He'll lose week 1 and 2. He'll get bored.
5. Clint will sign up with the aid of a sherpa and never sign on again. He will come in 6th
6. Williams will prematurely declare himself Lord of the Fantasy World. We will all concur.
7. Bear will tell us he cant play because hes already in a league with his Camp friends, his high school friends, his Rec Flag Football team, and the ChiTown_Bearz_85 chat room.
8. I will have an unfair advantage at picking up players early because of the time zones. Lubahn will petition I be removed.
9. Lubahn will lose in the consolation bracket to Portillo who stopped playing like everyone else BECAUSE IT'S THE FUCKIN CONSOLATION BRACKET!
10. Chambers will win the league.

Mrs. Miller asked me to share these with everyone... He will be back in October, and even though I wont be here I hope the Texas local boys will set up a wonderful welcome wagon.

The IC Hurricane blows into Hunt, Texas

River 2007

Who will be this year's winningest loser?

Happy Anniversary IC

When Mr. Williams pushed for this last year we all had our doubts. I think it is safe to say that we shall not perish.

All hail the IC.

I hope you all received sunshine at LBJ because for the life of me. I in no way understand why no one came out to visit for the fourth this year. Other than the fact that I am kind of a dick. Eleah and I ventured to PB for the forth again this year. Dreaming of 2006 with Brown and Williams. It was me, her and 30 tecates and some spf 30. In the end we got down like it was 1999 and I got so sunburned, my hand, feet, back and lips blistered. I could have used some peeps. I have included some pics to show what I am talking about.

PS Check the size of the blister on my middle finger. I'll remember that one for a while. Guess that means I'm not gay too.

Did anyone else see this on The Daily Show?

A new study in Nature by Berkeley psychology professor Marc Breedlove that says gay people are likelier to have index fingers that are substantially shorter than their ring fingers. Apparently this is because finger length is influenced by the quantity of male hormones present in the womb.



ARE YOU?

SEPTEMBER 8th, 2007

Katie and I will be booking hotel rooms in Austin, TX for TCU/UT weekend (I will be avoiding all contact with my UT friends, including Garland). So give me a quick head count of how many will be coming so that we can plan accordingly. We might stay at the lakehouse Friday night (45 minutes west) and drive to Austin around noon on Saturday.

Fucking Go Frogs Damnit!

IC MUSIC

High kids. Get it? Like a marijuana pun.

Pot.

Ok, I'm dumb on drugs right now and realized the first song I chose to play as my high kicked in was ``Take Me Home, Country Roads'' by John Denver.

It was at that moment, I realized that I think I listen to good music, but it is blatantly obvious I do NOT. I think John Denver at 11:48pm proves it.

Therefore, I decided I would give out grades for the IC Music class.

Brown, Clint:

Points for: Damien Rice, Bon Jovi (classic), and some acceptable Country.

Loses big for Jamiroquai, the Spin Doctors, the Wallflowers and knowing all the words to ``I'm the one who wants to be with you'' by Mr. Big. Not that we don't know the lyrics, we just don't karaoke them.

Grade: C

Chambers, Matt:

Points for: Deftones (respected), Rage Against the Machine, Green Day and Toadies.

Loses for: The Incubus anthology, late Blink 182 and everything glow-stick.

Ideal Karoake song: `Pour Some Sugar on Me' - Def Leoppard

Grade: B

Dalrymple, Kevin

Points for: Pink Floyd, Ozzy Ozbourne, the Superbowl Shuffle and Garth Brooks (lakehouse).

Loses for: The Dixie Chicks, Chumbawamba and, of course, `Magic Carpet Ride' by Steppenwolf. I heard you found Aladdin's lamp.

Ideal Karoake Song: `You've Lost that Loving Feeling' - Top Gun

Grade: B-

Faust, Adam:

Points for: Bright Eyes, The Flaming Lips, Modest Mouse and a `Shout Out Loud's' dashboard sticker.

Loses for: An inability to get into Sigur Ros, a dash of Gwen Stefani and The Racoon Twizzlers.

Ideal Karoake Song: `I'm so Tired of Being Alone' - Al Green

Grade: A+

*Give credit where credit is due people. Hell, he made us Christmas CDs with labels and songs thoughtfully geared towards our preferences. That's above and beyond folks.

Lubahn, Brent:

Points for: Bob Dylan, Tom Petty and his admirable devotion to Kenny Chesney.

Loses for: Celine Dion on Valentine's Day, the Monster Ballads album, window-tinted listening to Bone Thugs in Harmony.

Ideal Karaoke Song: ``Chattahoochie'' - Billy Ray Cyrus

Grade: L

Mazur, Michael:

Points for: Sigur Ros, Kris Kristofferson and the Beasties biatch.

Loses for: Playing Kanye West's `College Dropout' for 19 months, the Gyspsy Kings and a Brent Wood EP. (band from college)

Ideal Karaoke Song: ``Let's Start A Riot' - Three-six Mafia

Grade: A-

Miller, Marc:

Points for: Franz Ferdinand, Travis, and the ability to chant `Hay, Beese-a-day, beese-a-day-O, Daylight Come and Yo Wan' go Home' at 4am in his apartment complex.

Loses for: The soundtrack to Solitaire, the CDs he makes for Trista with Fergie and Jimmy Buffet.

Ideal Karaoke Song: ``Why don't we get Drunk and Screw'' - Buffet

Grade: B+

Portillo, Lee:

Points for: Radiohead, Manu Chao, Willie Nelson and Remy Zero.

Loses for: The soundtrack to an Anime Porn, Daft Punk's Greatest Hits and every attempt to Freestyle rap in the history of your life.

Ideal Karaoke Song: `Folsom Prison Blues' - Johnny Cash

Grade: A-

Weiss, Brian:

Points for: Originality in selection, Sigur Ros, and the Gorillaz.

Loses for: DJ Anthrax, Jewel, and Seal.

Ideal Karaoke Song: `Breathe' - Prodigy

Grade: A-

*When you have to make shit up for the `loses for' category, it's a sign of a solid conoseuir.

Williams, Adam

Points for: Dean Martin, Tracy Chapman and Wilco.

Loses for: `Dem Franchise Boy's, telling people in public that he `respects' John Mayer and downloading songs by Adina Howard, Keisha Cole and `Lil Booshie'. Seriously.

Ideal Karaoke Song: `I want it that way' -Backstreet Boys

Grade: B

Valedictorian: Faust

Salutatorians: Mazur, Portillo

Most Likely to Succeed: Weiss

Whitest: Chambers

Blackest: Williams

Hispanic-est: Portillo

Least Diverse: Lubahn

Best Weed Collection: Kevin

Best Third Date Collection: Clint

*Feel free to correct any muscial errors or oversights you may find. Also, please post your worst song, singer or album you have downloaded because you secretly like.

PS - I just dropped to a D because I'm listening to a guy named `Juanes' right now. He's quite bad.

Williams, I am not trying to trounce your post, and everyone should read below this one to see Williams post, but I had to post this. I'm cleaning my parents house while Im in the states and I came across my 8th grade English Journal... I will not make any grammatical changes.

"An Actor I Can Relate Too"

I can relate to Danny Glover. Becasue hes my favorite actor and he is very adventerous. Of the stage hes a really nice guy and hes funny. This is speaking from what Ive herd and seen in interviews with him. In all his movies he has a partner or friend with him and I normally do too except I just moved to New Orleans and dont now. I love Lethal Weapaon 1, 2, and 3. Danny Glover has a wife and kids and I hope I do to. He's a funny guy and if you know me well Im pretty funny. Thats why I like Danny Glover


I received a Check.

IC Personal Stories

My best friends, I have a comedy writing assignment this week in which I must write a 5-page comedy sketch on a story of another person, told to me. Where else where would I turn for a comedic arsenal than right here, with the funniest mf'ers I know.

So, what I am asking you all is to please, write some of the funniest stories you've ever been involved in, seen, or heard. Of the top of my head, I think of: Portillo's sister's wedding, where his advice to the new couple was: `Don't forget to pull out'; when Mazur broke his collar bone and his Dad said take a nap; when Mazur's cat died and his Dad said... (Michael re-tell); or when Faust threw the object of the following picture at his Dad's head.

I know there are hundreds more I neglected. Please, please, please, take five minutes and at least list some of our/your funniest stories. The more specific the details the better. Then, when I write a comedy pilot for NBC called the IC, you'll be considered `Staff Writers'. I live in a fantasy land.

BLOGAPALOOZA

Three days after a post by our resident Bear reading `RIP: IC Blog', a resurrection event was devised. What we have for you today, loyal constituents of the IC, is the gathering of an elcletic array of musical talent, ranging from the Urban, Hood-savvy lyrical fire of the `Maz' to the erstwhile, agonizing indie-rock chants of A. Christian Faust. From every corner of the globe, scanning nealry every genre of the musical spectrum, today my friends is Christmas come early at the IC. Today, is Blogapalooza.

Ten Artists. Ten Voices. Two days. One Stage.

This is Blogapalooza

To open the show, Blogapalooza jacks you right in the chinstrap with the mosh-inducing, Adderall-charged energy of Bone 9, starring lead vocalist Mattie `Stick Bone' Chambone. Inspired by the pop-punk voices of his youth, Bone 9 sprinkles in elements of Trance and electronics, engineering a unique sound that trascends discernable genre. You can assure he will open with the chaotic rant-mix `Bone 1, Life 0' in which he recounts his stunning victory over the post-college real world. To close, Bone 9 will undoubtedly trade the iridescent stage lights for black lights, wowing the crowd with a glow-stick finale of `Taquitos and X'. What a way to kick things off.

With the crowd settling in and abuzz from the energy and drug concoction that was Bone 9, the audience should be primed for mental stimulus of the MarCsman, undoubtedly the most astute, profound lyrical poet of the Y Generation. Combining a machine-gun drumbeat in the background of his articulate and rhythmic prose deliveries, the MarCsman while ignite the crowd with his intense and passionate delivery of `The Post Office is where it's at', before bringing the crowd to silence with `Soldier Solitaire'. To close the spiritual roller-coaster, expect the MarCsman to wrap up on a lighter note, drawing laughter from the crowd with `Unzipped Fleece'. Prepare to have your perspective altered.

The three-slot of Day 1 presents maybe the most distinct presentation of all of Blogapalooza (although Il Weisel may have something to say about that). Slot 3 belongs to Poncho Portillo, the amorous Argetine, who combines the indigenous voice and sensuality of the Andes region, while accentuating the moral jousts of lust, marijuana and Socialism. The track that typically draws the most vibrant crowd response is `Toma una nota: Fuma Mota', which usually generates more pot-smoke than a Frat House on 4/20. However, right as it seems Poncho will continue the happyfest, his menacing, angry vocals on `Chingate Japonais' remind the crowd that marijuana is not the only substance of Poncho Portillo. To close, Poncho leaves the crowd swaying and the couples cuddling with `Que Alegria: Eleah', the sensual ballad known in the teen world as `the de-flowerer'.

Just as sappiness begins to settle in, Blogapalooza stirs the pot with the most vulgar, controversial, dangerously hood, insanely ghetto, pit bull in the rap game: `The Maz', or, as he is known amongst his crew `The Bitch Shanker'. The Maz brings only upfront, in-your-face brutality of the streets of SA. It is the unpretentious, volatile nature that makes you want to kill your own mom when he rhymes his famed chorus from `The Showdown Crip'. How can you not shout:

`Lick a dirty donkey dick you corkscrew cunt. I'm a Showdown Crip and when I hit homeruns, you bunt. I'll fuck your sister, stab your dog and kick your babies. Don't step too close mutha fucka, this Showdown Crip got rabies'.

Dude is Rhyme-tacular. Rhyme-nificent. Rhyme-alicious. Can you handle it?

Closing out Day One: The gnarly, righteous, radness of the slippery 80s throwback artist of the lineup: The Crowley Cobra, The Voicemail Viper, The Snake from 20,000 lakes, Le Baron of Deceit: Brent `The Rattler' Darling. That's right, the Rattler, 12 years since his last tour date with the Scorpions, Mr. Big and Jesus Jones, returns for the first time to Blogapalooza. Always entertaining, the Rattler is riding a wave of success with his new album release `Jack and Coke', which unveiled a more mature, yet equally slimy, side of the Rattler. His latest smash hit `Cushion Chronic' details his theft and cover-up of his Cannabis habit. He also comments on his weed-crush in ballads as `Dirty-Irty', `Lieutenant Dangle is Funny' and `Tinted Windows'. Though the Rattler will get the crowd high, when he closes day 1 with `Shin Kung Fu', all Hell will break loose in the pit. A fitting ending to a sublime day one.

Day Two

Day Two of Blogapalooza opens with an auditory treat that rekindles the `crooning' sound of the Sinatra, Dean Martin, Tony Bennett era of the 50s, however, with themes and lyrics of the late 60s enlightenment rock of Pink Floyd and the Doors. Any ideas on who opens day two? Well kids, Day 2 opens with the deep, booming, bellowing voice of the 2007 Rat Pack kingpin, Kevin `Gentle Bear' Dalrymple. Now smitten with `Amore', `Gentle Bear' combines the concoction of the two elements that set his spirit free: Drugs and Love. Because Gentle Bear's love spans many premises, his crooning-hippie style rings in such ballads as `Weed, Clay and LBJ', which includes the Doors-inspired chorus of:

`Boat-riding on the storm... Boat-riding on the storm... Into this lakehouse we're born... Into this boat we're thrown'. With the audience calm, the Gentle Bear then rocks the crowd with `Come on Katie light my fire' before closing with the fan favorite, crooner rendition of `The Superbowl Shuffle', to a backdrop of Floyd-esque ticking clocks, heavy breathing and eerie whispers of `Hut, Hut, Hike'. It's a treat for all ages.

With the crowd captivated, enter the wildcard. Bringing to the stage an alt-Euro collection of slippery rhymes, charismatic angst rants and a sprinkling of Spanish, Italian, English, Hopelandish and Ajax-induced jibberish, CIAO Weissel, ignites the vigor of the worldwide masses. Accompanied by his right-paw sidekick, Ginoteque, Ciao Weissel spits fire and energy into the crowd, crunktifying the audience with his hit `Par le vu Spurs Dynasty?', in which he penetrates and slashes through the audience in a Tony Parker jersey. Just when you thought it couldn't get any more live, Ciao Weissel rocks out with his latest jam `SA all day', paying homage to his hometown with the catching chorus of:

`Yeah, the AZ, shit was way too sunny fo' me. Rolled back to the homeland, sporting nuttin' but this A4 and a headband. Son!''

At popular requests, Ciao Weissel has also been known to rip The National Anthem in a dead-on Borat impersonation and 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' in hysterical Homo-tone.

Arrivederci Bitches!

After the laughter and enthusiasm tsunami drown the crowd, the true change of pace lyricist steps to the stage in Day 2, slot 3. Donning a ribbed Union Jack T, accentuated by a vile of his lover's essence, when indie-rock sensation ACF Vesuvius steps on the stage, the lighters illuminate the audience like fireflies drenched in a sea of sensitivity. Known for his melacholy melodies peppered by lurching screams amongst the sappy stanzas, ACF Vesuvius entrances the audience with his yurning heartfelt prose, while maintaining balance with sudden outbursts condemning gypsy theft, nicotine inflation and malfunctioning rear overhead lights in 95 Jeep Cherokees. The depth of his melody `Frantic Atlantic' grips the crowd with the earnest tale of a distant love, only to evoke tears of joy with the concluding lines of:

`The sea, nor sniper, nor sun, could separate us, Piper Huddleston'

As tears well in the eyes of the on-lookers, ACF Vesuvius flicks the amp and re-ignites the energy with `Snake in the Stash', an unofficial dig at Brent `The Rattler' Darling, with whom an aged feud is rumored to still boil. The closing chorus which brings the crowd to a rousing roar boasts:

``Moved into my house, quiet as a mouse. Enlightened you on the bliss of the wake-and-bake, didn't even ask for cash. Never stopped to notice, you were the Snake in the Stash.''

With the crowd abuzz, the only plausible solution is to dance. Who better than to bring the masses to a gawky, c-walk, spasm trance than legendary hip-igniting enthusiast A-Dub-ble Yo Pleasure, known for combining the Hood-Rich footwork of North Memphis with Juke-Juke-Pause phenomenon that sparked the streets of South Side Chicago. Possessing minimal lyrical talents, A-Dub-ble Yo Pleasure is long on enthusiasm for straight up getting down. His infectious swivels of both hips and head, create such an immense stir in audiences, that only sheer lack of endurance could deter you from jubilance. In his latest chart-topping beat from Dance-Jump-Jump-Dance 29, A-Dub-ble Yo Pleasure hits the audience with a remix of an all-time fav, `Da Red Dog ', in which, while Juke-Juke Pausing, A-Dub-ble mimes driving an unbefitting large extended cab pickup truck. As the crowd mimics this innovative manuever, A-Dub-ble Yo Pleasure segways into another new track `Bees Be Gone', in which he rhymically imitates the swatting of swarming bees as they attack his grill. If you've ever wanted to learn cutting-edge dance, keep yo goggles on the stage for this one. Ya Hurd me?!

As profuse sweat and exhaustion seep into the crowd, Blogapalooza once again caters to the disposition of its patrons, saving maybe the best, and definitely the most sincere act of the playbill to close the set. The surprise guest of Blogapalooza, fresh off his South American tour, in which he wooed Chile from Santiago to Cape Horn, Clinton `Heartthrob' Frazier Brown anchors, closes down, dims the lights, walk-away satisfies, and Hell, he graces the damn stage with his dashing smile, debonair charm and pithy, alluring lyrics. If you wanted a cherry to top Blogapalooza, you're getting the jubilee. The late 80s throwback, the Heartthrob, will undoubtedly whisk the audience off their feet and send them to bed in a clydsedale-drawn chariot of bliss. The Heartthrob is idolized by all others that attempt to imitate his mastery of the cuddle-rock genre. John Mayer heeds his wisdom, Damien Rice pages him with `143' and Michael Bolton sums up his biggest influences in one word: Heartthrob. Without question, when Heartthrob strums the opening chord of `11pm Chocolate Milk', expect panting. Expect fainting. Expect vaginal seizures. And, just because he can, when you think he do no more, he'll hit you with `These are LA Looks'.

Call in the ambulances. Bring out the stretchers. Carry the lovestruck birds back to the nest. The Heartthrob has brought Blogapalooza to its final resting place: Perfection.

THIS WAS BLOGAPALOOZA

WELCOME BACK IC