Pro Athletes

Hey IC Humans. How is everyone? I hope you're having a nice weekend. Did anyone hear that Roger Federer lost in the Austrailian Open semis? I did. Eleven times. Really. In a span of about 20 hours, I was alerted on 11 separate occasions that Roger Federer had been upset. Seeing that Federer will be in the tennis circuit at least five more years, I got to wondering...Which members of the IC might feel similar, constant athlete comparisons? And if so, what athlete is most often associated with them? Here goes...

Marc Miller and Teddy Bruschi

Intense, mean, good hairlines and desert friendly (Bruschi played on the `Desert Swarm' Univ. of Arizona team. Also, if you had to pick one IC member who would suffer partial paralysis and return six months later to demolish people (like Teddy did), my vote would be Miller-tant.


Chambers and Doug Christie

Wiry, lanky, tatted up and contributors in many statistical categories, Chambone and Christie have more in common than you might think. For example, Christie often had bone spurs and bad ankles. So did Chambers. Christie led his high school team to their first ever State Final Four appearance. So did Chambers. Christie's mom is white, Dad is black. Just like Chambers.

Also, in maybe the oddest athlete finding, Doug Christie's wife is insane, including the following of the team bus, disallowance of female reporters giving interviews, annual re-weddings and a form of sign language they speak to each other. Ya know, Chambers has been known to be a victim of puppy-love textamania. Just saying.

Christie also has a show `Christies Committed' on BET. Here is the insane article about their love life. It's worth the read: http://www.hifiny.com/020808_christie.html


Bear and John Daly

Soulmates? I think yes. Power? Check. Nicknames? Long John/Bear. Check. Claims to have drank a fifth of Jack Daniels every day during the year he was 23? Check, Check, Check. Both have calmed their rambunctious lifestyle choices, however, though Daly said the following quotes, well, if Bear were a little rougher around the edges, don't you think he'd be capable of saying:

"There are probably some things I could do to keep my flexibility up, but I'd rather smoke, drink diet Cokes and eat."
"Seems I used to do everything like I was on a mission. If it was alcohol, I wanted to drink till I couldn't see straight. If it was golf, I wanted to beat everybody's brains out. If it was driving, I can get there faster'n you can... I was stubborn as hell. I had no direction."
"I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein."


Clint and Rob Dibble

Nicknamed the `Nasty Boy', Dibble is a rough-and-tumble brawler turned refined analyst. Sound familiar? Be it analyzing baseball games or analyzing stocks, the similarities here are, well, eerie.

Clint Brown thrives on efficiency. Dibble once struck out 3 batters on 9 pitches. Eerie. Clint Brown bodyslammed a hog and rode a bull. After a game, Dibble threw a baseball into the outfield seats and struck a lady in the head. Eerie. Clint Brown's initials are CB. Rob Dibble's are RD. All four of those letters are found in the alphabet. There's a word that describes such a coincedence. Eerie.


Weiss and Bernie Kosar

If this were an SAT analogy, well, hot dog: bun as Weiss: Kosar. After Bernie K. left Cleveland, where he was adored, fans sang `Bernie, Bernie' in place of `Louie, Louie' in that one song. Oddly, `Brian Weiss' is also mentioned in pop song lore, as in one of Shakira's Spanish rants, she says `Brian Weiss'. This has been confirmed sober and high. Apparently, Kosar is known to get mad when `Elway' is mentioned around him due to the time Elway beat him on `the drive'. This is similar to Weiss, who gets mad when you mention that kid `Ab' who talked too much and was pretty dumb.


Mazur and Paul Lo Duca

Hey Michael, what's your favorite minor league baseball team? Oh, really? The San Antonio Missions, well, did you know your big brother, Lo Duca `spent many years with the San Antonio Missions, finally achieving a breakthrough year with the Los Angeles Dodgers in 2001'. Oh, hey Michael, what language did you study and what anestory are you? Oh, just wondering because, `Lo Duca draws comparisons to catcher predecessors Mike Scioscia and Mike Piazza, all three are of Italian-American ancestry'. Ragazzi Penne Pasta. Also, Lo Duca catches most people who try to steal, like the night you saw Lubahn at 3am trying to steal the Murano.

Other similarities:

As a child, Lo Duca's mother would toss pinto beans to him in the back yard and he would use a broomstick to hit them. Hmm...kind like how: `As a child Michael's dad used to hit him with a broomstick in the backyard while calling him `pinto bean boy'.

Lo Duca did roids to get big. Just saying.

Lo Duca was known as "Captain Red Ass" in the Mets clubhouse. Mazur is known as `Captain Monkey Sodomy' amongst the IC.


ADub and Louis Scola

If you were playing the game `Memory', the matching card for `A-Chub' would be `Scola'. We look alike, we yell alike, we are both sweaty, we both speak Spanish, we both have Houston ties, we both have the first Shakira album (that's 2 Shakira references if you're scoring at home), we both don't think Raefer Alston is fit for an NBA point guard, we both have tubesocks and we both throw up at midnight to ring in a new year and have matching scars from falling running home from a bar. We both also hooked up with Mallory.


Faust and Martina Navratilova

Yowza. This one is like finding fate. Both are the number one ranked tennis players, (Faust: IC, Martina: World), both are known for ultra-competitiveness and small blow-ups and both are blatant lesbians. Because the two have intertwined souls, it has been rumored that, not confirmed, when Monica Seles took over Martina's number one ranking, it was Adam Faust, age 11, who stabbed Seles during her match in 1993.

Maybe the most telling connector in the saga of these two is as follows:

In Martina's autobiograpgy, Being Myself, Navratilova says that she had romantic crushes on teachers of both sexes. She had her first same-sex relationship at age 18. Hmm...I always wondered why Faust `transferred' to TCU. Put the pieces together people. Put the pieces together.
Martina, also a clothing designer, made the shirt that Faust wore on New Years.


Portillo and Valderrama

The look, the name, the flair, the ferocity, the fur, and the weird hobbies. Knock, Knock Lee. Who's there? It's me, your identical DNA match, Carlos Valderrama.

Valderrama is known as `El Pibe'; Portillo, `El Poncho'. Valderrama is known for his head hair, Portillo his sweater-vest chest hair. Valderrama was a great passer and shielder. I bet Portillo was one Hell of a shielder. Valderrama likes to take pictures of himself travelling on different modes of transport. I bet he's done skiing, horses, donkeys and Freestyle walking, just like Portillo. Lastly, on November 1, 2007, Valderrama was ejected from a Colombian league match after waving cash in the face of a referee for calling a penalty that ended his team's hopes of qualifying for the playoffs. I guarantee you that Portillo would do this if Dick Bavetta called a late foul on Ginobili in the Western Conference Finals.


Lubahn and Nancy Lopez

If we were playing the game `Guess Who?' and Brent showed up on one card, there's only one viable match: Nancy Lopez.

Did you know Nancy Lopez married baseball player Ray Knight and goes by Nancy Lopez-Wright now? What do you think of that Brent Lubahn-Darling?

Lopez and Lubahn are both members of the LPGA, and both are lauded for their boring, half-swing, lamely consistent play. It is also said that when Lopez joined the LPGA, Lopez was heralded as a symbol of a progressive woman of color. Coincedentally, she is the First woman of color that Brent Lubahn ever saw. He is still scared to talk to her, however.

Lopez got her break when she won the U.S. Girls' Junior Championship twice. Brent finished third and sixth in those tournaments, respectively.


Bye!

Father arrested for forcing son to wear Green Bay Packers jersey

(some content in the following article has been altered for copyright purposes)

London, UK - Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn't wear a Green Bay Packers jersey during the team's playoff victory Saturday, a man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him.

Adam C. Faust was cited for disorderly conduct in connection with the incident with his son at their home in Notting Hill.

The 26-year-old Faust was arrested Monday after his girlfriend told authorities about the incident. Faust was taken to the county jail and, after smoking 17 cigarettes and crying excessively, paid a fine of $186 and was released.

Faust's girlfriend filed a restraining order Wednesday, so Faust will not be able to have contact with his family. Officer Craig Smith said other domestic issues have surfaced, including the time Faust tried to duct tape Converse Chuck Taylor's to the boy's feet, the instance where Faust almost choked the boy when he refused to wear 9 hemp necklaces and the time when Faust erupted on the boy when the boy said `No' to drugs.

The boy, Samurai Kalidescope Different Faust, refused to wear the jersey Saturday, when the Packers beat the Seattle Seahawks in a playoff game, Smith said. Smith said the incident sounded strange when reported at first, but Piper took pictures with her cell phone and that type of evidence is difficult to dispute.

BIZZARRO WORLD OF THE INNER CIRCLE

Having some fun with Google Seach at work on this Monday afternoon, I decided to create a Bizzarro World of the IC. For anyone who has not seen Seinfeld, Bizzarro World is like the same group of friends, yet different, in a bizzare world. The way that I came up with my Bizzarro World was by typing each of your names into the Google Search engine. In the photo above (in no particular order) is: Adam Williams, Adam Faust, Brian Weiss, Matt Chambers, Clint Brown, Lee Portillo, Marc Miller, Brent Lubahn, & Michael Mazur). Click the links below to find out who's who. Don't worry, all of the links are Work Friendly. Enjoy!

Adam Williams – Considering the fact that I have met 4 Adam Williams’s in my life, it comes to no surprise that the search result brings back 95,500 for “Adam Williams”. So after a little while of searching, I finally found Bizzarro Adam Williams (or is this just A-Chub 2 years ago?):

http://www.freewebs.com/mattytmovie/cast.htm

Clint Brown – Singer/Song Writer best know for his albums “Praise Heard Around The World” and “Back 2 Brown”. You probably won’t find Bizzarro Clint Brown revisiting his college days at IC reunions, but if we’re lucky we might blessed with a few lyrics of “Our God And Our King”:

http://www.goldusa.com/FCD/F589/f589.html or http://www.clintbrown.net/

Brent Lubahn – Ok, well I figured there had to be a handful of Brent Lubahn’s out there in this world. But to my surprise, all 45 results that came back are ALL the Brent Lubahn we know! Of course, it is amusing to see his work profile: http://www.searchwide.com/profiles.aspx

Oh wait, this might work for Bizzarro Brent:

http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/04/16/snake,0.jpg

Brian Weiss – Ok, if you are named “Brian Weiss” then it almost seems destiny for you to become a doctor, I found 4 different Doctor Brian Weiss’s (one who is actually very famous). I felt like that was OK for Bizzarro Brian, but it also just seemed too much like his dad. I wanted something more interesting, therefore I went with Kang’s Black Belt Academy. Bizzarro Brian Weiss is a 3rd Degree black belt and instructs at the JCC, which means he teaches “The Jews” (Borak voice):

http://www.kangsblackbeltacademy.com/instructors.html (scroll to middle of page)

Adam Faust – Warning, do not type this name into a Google Search, especially if you are at work! Bizzarro Adam Faust is definitely a porn star, no matter how many pages you go through. I reluctantly tried Google Images, for whatever reason this came up so I’m just going to stick with it (don’t worry, it’s safe):

http://www.thesimpsons.stopklatka.pl/bohaterowie/img/miastowi_ralph.gif

(Glad I’m done with that name)

Matt Chambers – OK, I’m not real sure what an “Oracle Suitcase” is, but judging by the background of this photo, it seems like Bizzarro Chambers is running some sort of underground drug ring. And judging by the condition he looks to be in…., well just look at the site and decide for yourself:

http://www.ricroyer.com/chambers.htm

Michael Mazur – 90% of the search results of “Michael Mazur” came back as Michael Mazur the artist (which you can view at http://www.michaelmazurart.com/). Once again though, this one just didn’t fit as Bizzarro Mazur in my world. After multiple pages of surfing, I came across this. I think most of you will agree (and I know Mazur will appreciate his sweet tattoo):

http://www.ykikiusa.com/team.htm (scroll down to mid/lower page)

Marc Miller – Once again, a name with 90,000 search results (however, it also pulls MarK Miller’s as well – and we know that’s just not right). A lot to choose from and I am getting toward the end of this post and getting a little surfed out. My Bizzarro Miller is a guitarist out of Baltimore in the band Oxes. Oxes music has been called “Math Rock” or “Post-Punk”, however they do not subscribe to any music genre (typical Miller):

http://www.answers.com/topic/oxes (Marc is in the middle, left and right of him might the Bizarro JJ’s)

Lee Portillo – First of all, I found this link under “Lee Portillo” and I highly doubt that this is a Bizzarro Lee Portillo, but the real thing - http://spurs.meetup.com/cities/us/ca/irvine/4157239/?ic=sn42

Unfortunately though, I could not find any images of “Lee Portillo”, however when I just typed “Portillo” into Google Images, I found my Bizzarro Portillo. Make you own conclusions on this guy:

http://www.oag.state.tx.us/cj_fugitives/images/portillo_jose.jpg


Kevin Dalrymple - (I’ve just spent 2 hours at work searching the names of everyone in the IC. I have a real job to do now, so if you want to find a Bizzarro Kevin then you can search for it yourself.) Or you can just click here:

http://pigskinpreacher.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/urlacher.jpg

Hillary Campaign T

THE RESULTS

1. Who would make the best mayor of a small town?
61% - Bear
8% - Brown, Chambers, Mazur, Portillo, Weiss

2. Who would make the best head coach of the USA basketball team?
33% - Mazur
25% - Williams
16% - Bear & Faust
8% - Weiss

3. Who is the most likely to become famous?
33% - Brown & Williams
16% - Faust
8% - Portillo & Chambers

4. Who has the best chance at winning gold in the luge?
40% - Lubahn & Chambers
15% - Portillo
8% - Mazur

5. Who is the most likely to become a millionaire?
40% - Brown
23% - Mazur
15% - Miller & Chambers
8% - Portillo

6. Who is most likely to suffer a mid-life crisis?
30% - Faust
15% - Mazur, Miller, Weiss, Williams
8% - Portillo

7. Who is the most likely to appear on a reality TV show
30% - Faust & Williams
15% - Weiss
8% - Portillo

8. Who would make the best Vice President of the United States?
30% - Lubahn
23% - Brown
15% - Bear & Mazur
8% - Portillo

9. Who would make the best President of the United States?
54% - Brown
30% - Bear
8% - Portillo & Weiss

10. If elected President who is the most likely to be assassinated?
54% - Lubahn
23% - Miller
8% - Faust, Mazur & Weiss

Who in this discussion is not even registered to vote? Be honest.

BTW I respect Kusinich cause he is a short guy with a hotter, better looking and younger wife. His policies are pretty progressive as well, but like Paul he has no real chance. But for a man that little, he must be good if he can out reach that well.

Lubahn got me thinking... yep that's right. I thought it would be a good idea to have a proper IC election. However, as I started the survey I realized that after the VP and President I don't really know what the rest of those folks do in DC. So, I just kind of threw some funny crap on there...

The Inner Circle Primary

Oh, and I also requested the input of the Women of the IC.... enjoy.

As we just began the year 2008 I thought what better way to ring in the new year than post a political blog on the eve of the second major primary.
(How gay did that sound....Faust while creative is also probably gay)

I thought it would be interesting to take a poll to see where the IC stacks up. Obviously Clint Brown was just recently elected to reside over the IC and America if given the chance. If he turns this down we will have to choose from what's left over. Go to this link Bush 08 and take the poll and then submit your top 3.


Additional Thoughts:
1) Lee knows politics
2) Williams reeaalllly wants to know politics
3) Bear wishes Ditka would run
4) Clint Brown was recented selected to run while living in South America
5) Williams has already started a nasty hate post
6) Faust is a movie snob



My 3 in order: Barack, Hilary, and Chris Dodd

It's back.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Well the Miller bash went off without a hitch. The Millers were accommodating and gracious hosts. Brown and Weiss's arrival were wonderful surprises. Piper made her debut by declaring to Bear that the NFL was stupid and that the athletes should get real jobs. It was obviously not the same without C-Bone, Lubes, and Leonardo. As the ball dropped on 2007 Weiss and I celebrated by rubbing Williams back on the side of the house.

As far as the bachelor party goes here is my take....

If you need to have it Feb, than I understand and you should go for it.
If we could go somewhere in Texas for Memorial Day that would save many people a flight before the wedding
If a random day arises that Portillo can take off then I'm sure we would be accommodating as to when that is and plan around it.
The consensus is that everyone just wants to get together, and it doesnt matter where or when...

Got a lot of love for you guys.

Lets get off to better start with the blog this year. The IC is essential.

As far as alternative dates go I am open for suggestions. I picked February 15 - 18 because it is the last three day weekend before memorial day. I am trying to not miss any time from work this year so would prefer a three day weekend. Memorial day is an option but it is exactly one month from my wedding day (May 26th vs June 27th) and I was concerned with everyone having to do something in May and then one month later having to buy a ticket to San Diego.

For each one of you that can make it, I will enjoy myself more. So here is my request, if February 15 - 18th does not work suggest actual dates when you can do it rather then just saying "later". We can then come together on something workable and make it happen.

Last thing, Bear and I had talked about doing a dual bachelors. He will be having multiple thrown for him and I figured why not double up for the two of us to make it easier for everyone. Bear are you still interested in this or do you prefer something else?

Please add some concrete data all and lets do something.

Portillo + Bear + Santa Fe= Bachelor Party Bliss

When: Feb. 14-18
What: Drinking, Skiing, Snowboarding, Lodging, Camaradering, Dancing, Laughing, Loving, Drugging, Slapping.

Adam Williams and Michael Mazur will be looking into lodging/rates/ski resorts/easy women/mountain goats

In all realness, we need to know who is in and who is not. Does this work for everyone?? I get the understanding that neither Kevin or Lee want a Bachelor Party without everyone there. Correct? So, can we get some voices? I, A-dub, am in. I'll make it work if everybody's down. If not, please say so now so we can get on the same page.

Happy Holiday's

I sure hope I'm on the nice list......

Has anybody called Chris Westfall a pussy lately? I don't know if you guys have seen this but it is Chris Westfall in a fucking cage match. Careful, I think he might have ripped the guy's arm out of his socket and beat him with it.
http://www.travislutter.com/images/fights/
click on ChrisMMA.wmv

SANTE FE PLANS

Gentiles - I feel my `call out Lee Portillo' post has stunted planning for the trip. Apologies. That's not what was intended. That said, I think we'd all like to get the plans set in stone asap, right? So, let's start with the dates. What weekend? Feb. 14 (Thurs) through Monday, Feb. 18? Is that the projected weekend? Does that work for everyone (Faust? is Brown possible?, Miller out?, Chambers out?, Lubahn in? Weiss in?) Just want to see where we all stand, and, yes, I am not wealthy and the sooner purchased the better.

If the date is set, let's find a place/resort/hut/wigwam asap. Mazur, will you build a house for us there? Faust will design it.

To be real, though I called Lee out, it's true I am no master-planner. Actually, I'm pretty poor in this area, so, the more hands on deck the better. Okay, so, let's get it. Glee for Lee as hee bids adee to a life of free and random pussee. Hee hee.

My last question is, if only like four (Lee, Mazur, Kevin and t-shirted Williams) are guarantees, would the option of moving the date back be possible? Lee? If the inclusion of all is not possible, would a date change work better? Food for thought. I like food.

Huggsies,

Chubberson Adams

(There are a lot of questions in this post)

Considering some of the random things we say, I thought this was appropriate...

I'm pretty sure that's the kid from Almost Famous. I'm also sure he thinks you're taking a picture of him.

PICS of when da soldja was back in his fort

cameos by kodiak & his handler, the kodiaks handlers sister, the darlings, c_BONE(s), soldja boi, t-nice, dom perignon, spicy cheet's, sam the pit-lab, the rainmakers, the rainmakers deck, oh and almost forgot WHEAT-germ. the ghost of NOTORIOUS B.I.G was also seen wondering around

Miller heavy

Dear Lee,

The incessant comments about my weight, lack of income, single relationship status and insanely chaotic `busy' schedule are hilarious. Or, in Leee langwage `HeLarryus'. You are so witty and charming. Keep up the good work.

HOWEVER, when you imply that your B-Team Groomsman, Adam Williams, was doing nothing, or was not interested or made no effort to coordinate your Bachelor Party, then maybe you need to take a trip to Introspection-Ville, Population You, and review the events leading up to your spontaneous Bachelor Party declaration.

SOMETIME LATE SEPTEMBER:

Lee ChestVest: `Hey, A-Chub, it would be totally rad if you planned my Bachelor Party. Hey, I like chorizo'

A-Chub: `Sure Lee, I'd love to. I'm glad we're friends and I like you heterosexually. I just ate an entire Baked Ziti.'

EARLY OCTOBER:

A-Chub: Hi Lee, this is your friend, Adam. Adam Williams.

Lee Chestvest: Hello Adam. Do you like danger?

A-Chub: I do. Hey, speaking of danger, how about Tijuana, a small Mexican Puebla, New Mexico, Mexico New, Santa Fe or Crowley for your Bachelor party? Do enjoy those options Lee? If so, say `Yes' now.

Lee Chestvest: `Yes now'.

A-Chub: Very Good. So Lee, about what time of year would you like the Bachelor party to be held, seeing that you get married in July, which is the month Heaven Angels created Magicians.'

Lee: I'm thinking May-ish, maybe MEMORIAL DAY which is (paraphrased) in MOTHER FUCKING MAY.

A-Chub: Superlicious pal. I'm a tiger.

Lee CV: Tiger?

A-Chub: On the prowl for fun!

Both: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-TEEEHEHEHHE-HAAA- TEHHEEE

EARLY NOVEMBER:

(Voicemail on A-Chub's Garfield phone)

`Chub, this is Lee Chestvest, and I was thinking Sante Fe snowboarding is the way to do it. Call me if you like this plan, though I fully intend to plan it, and POST it, myself because I don't really trust anyone to plan any activity that I am involved in because I plan Mother Fucker. I plan! And though I delegated responsibility onto you, don't forget, wherever there is Planning, `I'll Be There!' Also, when it is revealed that I planned my own party, because as I mentioned, `If I'm not in control, no one is,' then I will endlessly defame you in front of our friends and make you out to be a lazy, self-involved, uninterested, poor, chubby friend and ultimately, my scapegoat, cause that's how I role. How's the weather? Eleah wants to know.'

Oooohh...you like that Lee? You like that? Oh yeah, right there Lee, right there.

Before you read this and your body tempature rises, know that I am addressing this a) as my own self-defense and b) because maybe you need to understand, not negatively Lee, that maybe you like to be in control of what you're doing. There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all. Hell, it's an admirable quality to be a leader of your own domain. You bus-ed through South America for Allah's sake. You aint a follower, and that's why we like you.

But, by trying to cast me as `Same Old affable, irresponsible Williams' in order to mask the reality that You maybe wanted to plan it the way You wanted to plan it (see your post of hyperlinks), you've sort of pissed me off. But, because I'm not `Same old fat, sad, Red Dogg, where's my mom Williams' I'm letting it go because I love you, care for you, and want to be the best `Alternate' Groomsman on the block. Even if your Bachelor Party isn't in May, like we talked about. Three times.

So that's that. Hope you aren't angered and respect my perspective. And if you are mad, post it and we'll discuss.

All My Love,

Adam Williams