Dear Lee,
The incessant comments about my weight, lack of income, single relationship status and insanely chaotic `busy' schedule are hilarious. Or, in Leee langwage `HeLarryus'. You are so witty and charming. Keep up the good work.
HOWEVER, when you imply that your B-Team Groomsman, Adam Williams, was doing nothing, or was not interested or made no effort to coordinate your Bachelor Party, then maybe you need to take a trip to Introspection-Ville, Population You, and review the events leading up to your spontaneous Bachelor Party declaration.
SOMETIME LATE SEPTEMBER:
Lee ChestVest: `Hey, A-Chub, it would be totally rad if you planned my Bachelor Party. Hey, I like chorizo'
A-Chub: `Sure Lee, I'd love to. I'm glad we're friends and I like you heterosexually. I just ate an entire Baked Ziti.'
EARLY OCTOBER:
A-Chub: Hi Lee, this is your friend, Adam. Adam Williams.
Lee Chestvest: Hello Adam. Do you like danger?
A-Chub: I do. Hey, speaking of danger, how about Tijuana, a small Mexican Puebla, New Mexico, Mexico New, Santa Fe or Crowley for your Bachelor party? Do enjoy those options Lee? If so, say `Yes' now.
Lee Chestvest: `Yes now'.
A-Chub: Very Good. So Lee, about what time of year would you like the Bachelor party to be held, seeing that you get married in July, which is the month Heaven Angels created Magicians.'
Lee: I'm thinking May-ish, maybe MEMORIAL DAY which is (paraphrased) in MOTHER FUCKING MAY.
A-Chub: Superlicious pal. I'm a tiger.
Lee CV: Tiger?
A-Chub: On the prowl for fun!
Both: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-TEEEHEHEHHE-HAAA- TEHHEEE
EARLY NOVEMBER:
(Voicemail on A-Chub's Garfield phone)
`Chub, this is Lee Chestvest, and I was thinking Sante Fe snowboarding is the way to do it. Call me if you like this plan, though I fully intend to plan it, and POST it, myself because I don't really trust anyone to plan any activity that I am involved in because I plan Mother Fucker. I plan! And though I delegated responsibility onto you, don't forget, wherever there is Planning, `I'll Be There!' Also, when it is revealed that I planned my own party, because as I mentioned, `If I'm not in control, no one is,' then I will endlessly defame you in front of our friends and make you out to be a lazy, self-involved, uninterested, poor, chubby friend and ultimately, my scapegoat, cause that's how I role. How's the weather? Eleah wants to know.'
Oooohh...you like that Lee? You like that? Oh yeah, right there Lee, right there.
Before you read this and your body tempature rises, know that I am addressing this a) as my own self-defense and b) because maybe you need to understand, not negatively Lee, that maybe you like to be in control of what you're doing. There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all. Hell, it's an admirable quality to be a leader of your own domain. You bus-ed through South America for Allah's sake. You aint a follower, and that's why we like you.
But, by trying to cast me as `Same Old affable, irresponsible Williams' in order to mask the reality that You maybe wanted to plan it the way You wanted to plan it (see your post of hyperlinks), you've sort of pissed me off. But, because I'm not `Same old fat, sad, Red Dogg, where's my mom Williams' I'm letting it go because I love you, care for you, and want to be the best `Alternate' Groomsman on the block. Even if your Bachelor Party isn't in May, like we talked about. Three times.
So that's that. Hope you aren't angered and respect my perspective. And if you are mad, post it and we'll discuss.
All My Love,
Adam Williams
