Rush Hour 13: Saving Gino

They come from different suburbs, but on this case, Houston's smoothest salesman and San Antonio's feistiest Fantasy league smack talker have one goal in mind: Save Gino from the Triads. Detective B-Dub Parmigiano's dogg was taken during an intense Spurs game. With no one to turn to, he called the person he relied upon the most: Gentle Bear DalClay, the smoothest talking carnivore in the continental 48. Together, the two must rescue Gino...Before the Playoffs Start.

In Theatres Memorial Day weekend

FACE OFF 2: Crowley Tiger, Hidden Henna

There's only room for one sadistic tyrant on I-35, and for four years, Mikael Mazoratti has been attempting to eliminate the elusive Bartles `Python' Darling. For Mazoratti, there's no time better than...right now. To capture the Python, Mazoratti tries the unthinkable: He becomes him. Unfortunately for Mazoratti, getting high every night and eating mini corn dogs does not mesh well with a stake out. While stoned and listening to Bob Dylan on loop, the Python slithers his way underneath Mazoratti's freshly stained deck. Only one will survive.

Playing exlcusively at Red Goose Multi-cultural Movie Tavern

Rain Man, Parte Dos

Clinton Frazier is a hustler. A business man. A world traveler. A woman canoodler. He knows how to work people. Or he thought he did. Then he met up with his estranged hometown friend Leon `Craps' Harper. Harper, an idiot savant drifter, recently won $2 million dollars when he bet $1,000 on Bruce Bowen's exact stat line of 7 points, 4 rebounds, 2 steals and 2 blocks. When Leon calls Frazier to tell him about his plans for the money, he rambles about ``Puma shoes. Yeah. Puma shoes. Greyhound. Yeah. Argentina. Gotta go. Patagonia. Yeah. Snowboarding. Gotta Snowboard. Greyhound. Puma shoes.'' Frazier knows he must intervene, and he reunites with Leon in Buenos Aires, where Frazier has some plans of his own for the money: A lifetime supply of LA Looks and wind pants. Will the old friends find compromise?

Playing exclusively at the Alamo Dome.

The Gooder Son

One is fat. One is gay. One designs. One writes. One wears cleavage shirts. One wears hoodies in July. As different as they maybe, their desire is identical: Attention. Adam and Adam sacrifice all morality and common sense to obtain it, however it the end, only one will survive to bask in the coveted spotlight. The rivalry heightens after a slanderous `Say it in French' comment boils over into the raging waters of the Guadelupe. What began as a friendship, ends in... MURDER.

Playing at the Garage Theatre on Trail Lake

Fear and Loathing in India

He thought his drug induced, pill popping days lay in his past. Then he spent the weekend in Bombay. Amidst a whirlwind of tall women, hemp necklaces, tattoos of the sun and a truck deemed `The White Antelope', Gonzo engineer Mattisse Chambone creates his own version of what is the `Indian Dream'. Upon dealing with aardvarks, Aussies, chronic fatigue syndrome, glowsticks and a hatred for reading, Chambone leaves his `beauty mark' on the East Asian countryside as he raves his way to the Taj Mahal. Come for the trip. If you dare.

Showing exclusively in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

A Clockwork Camouflage

A young, firy man, Millerdom couldn't resist public ass grabbing, fleeces without undershirts, solitaire or police brutality. Then he joined the Marines. He was few, he was proud, but had he changed? He returned home with a new body and mindset, until he is reunited with his old mates. There, his friends induce him in a therapy called `FunkyTown Cat Calls', in which he is forced to drink copious amounts of alcohol and shout obscenties at urban street dwellers post 2am. His reversion to old habits causes internal Millerdom dilemma: Will he continue to be the upstanding citizen he's become, or will his rekindling with the IC ignite the embers of vintage Millerdom?

In Theatres whenever he decides it's in theatres. Pussy.

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F___ YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

COMING TOMORROW...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW CHAMBBONE

We need a blog Birthday calendar to remind us when we all age and further the loss of our youth. Hope you're having a good one in India/Austrailia Matthew.

Hugs,

The IC

- For tomorrow: Movie Star Blog

Did you ever wonder what movie you would star in? Well... you are about to find out.



COMING SOON!

Who can hate on KG? I'm interested to hear feedback from longtime Western Conference fans such as yourselves. Do you respect KG and look at him as a iconic NBA player?


I mean really, the guy plays hard day in and day out and he did it in Minnesota for most of his career under an absolutely terrible management and never outright complained once. It looks like he has a pretty good shot at the Finals this year, although no matter what team comes out of the West they will be tough...

This is a quote from KG responding to Glen Taylor (Timberwolves Management) after Taylor said he felt KG "tanked" it last year.....


"I'm in Boston right now," he said courtside. "I care less what Glen Taylor thinks of Kevin Garnett. Right now, huge win for us. That's nonsense. I don't even know why he would bring that up, but, you know, it shows the taste of some people."

He continued later: "Glen Taylor was good to me while I was a Timberwolf. I'm a Boston Celtic now. I'm not going to be going back and forth and saying tasteless things. That's not in my character. I'll let him speak if he wants to.

"I have nothing to do with the Minnesota Timberwolves. That's my past and I'm in a new chapter in my life. I thank him for the opportunity, for giving me, when I was younger, being able to not only explore my dream, but to make it to where I am today. And that's all I'm going to say about that."

Hello Fellas,

So I have purchased my tickets as follows:

May 23rd arrive in Austin 11:59pm
Leave Austin 11:00 am Monday May 26th

My goals for the trip in no particular order:

• To find a foozball table and while taking your money, show myself, to be a superior individual in the realm of hand eye coordination. I'll take any five dollar game on the river.
• To show myself to be athletically superior with strong Bruce Bowen-ish defense, a heart like big ben and a completion reminiscent of the professor.
• To not get sunburned.
• to make it to austin one night
• to watch UFC 84 saturday night. Faust is there directv at the house?
• To stay alive
• to not leave and have to reconcile who I believe I am as a person against what I did.

Adam has been kidnapped and raped. From the information available it seems he followed a young lady home in hopes of her worshiping the God of low morals and fell into a trap. A Predator was waiting for him. The Predator is apparently gay and sells cocaine for income. Adam has been forced into a male only sex ring somewhere in the western hemisphere. Any information leading to his whereabouts is appreciated. His friends miss him and want to see him and make fun of this unfortunate event to his face. There's a $9.50 reward.

Sir Charles

I went and saw Charles Barkley at a charity luncheon yesterday. I think he is the best analyst/personality in the NBA right now. Basbeall is a tie between the infallible Joe Morgan and the poetic Bob Costas; and football has to be Al Michaels.

Does anyone agree or disagree?

Sie Charles told stories of his childhood in Leeds, Alabama, black on black crime, and his best friend (MJ) having to pay out 175 million in his divorce. Chuck told Michael, "The money isn't the worst part, it was going to be when he went to visit his kids and some other brother was sitting in his chair smoking his cigars... especially if it turns out to be one of his boys, because every guy is looking for a woman with 175 million."

He also announced his canidacy for governor of Alabama in 2012.

The day has finally come...the one that Faust has dreaded for years. Brett Favre is retiring. It truly is a sad day for the NFL as he was one of, if not the last major icon from the NFL that we all loved and grew up with.