Hacksaw Mark Miller
Nickname: A-Mark-Ican Legend
Hacksaw began his career claiming he was "more American than Wild Turkey" and "a Dickload more patriotic than the movie The Patriot with that Anti-Auschwitz Aussie," and became an instant sensation known for battering opponents with a 2x4 and screaming "Death to the Procreation Narcissist Paradigm!" and "Nipples!" Within weeks of his arrival to the WWIC, Miller burst into a starring role after he savagely beat his opponent and a ringside police officer who attempted to intervene and stop the bloodbath. When done, Hacksaw burped in the faces of both befallen victims and screamed "Fucktards Ish!" much to the delight of his fans. Hacksaw, who held the title belt for almost two years, was forever enshrined into WWIC lore when, at South By SouthFightFest '11, a small Incan undercut him as he scaled a two-story ladder while readying himself to leap onto his opponent. Hacksaw plummeted to the mat, shattering both legs, though managed to still record the pin. He returned to the WWIC only 5 days later with two 2x4s for legs.
Finishing Move: The DWI - Demolition While Irate
After splintering his opponents' chances of victory through a series of 2x4 jump-kicks and nuclear lactose burps, Hacksaw retreats to his corner to take either a shot of Bourbon, a bump of coke, or chug an American Appletini. As he does, the crowd begins to chant "DWI! DWI! DWI!" Miller smiles wide, cameras snap photos and Hacksaw lifts his opponent to his feet. He then screams "MUGSHOT!" and smashes his opponent across the face with a 2x4 spiked with bone spurs and sharpened Copenhagen can shards. He then shoots an entire AK-47 magazine round into the ceiling of the arena.
The Snake
Nickname: Venom in Denim
One of the most untrusted and detested members of the WWIC, the Snake's career has been long characterized by egregious disloyalty to former tag-team partners and outlandish out-of-the-ring behavior that continues put his name in tabloid headlines. The Snake, who first arrived on the circuit sporting ripped jean shorts and an Aruba t-shirt, catapulted to fame at the 2006 Crowley Rally when he alleged spiked the Undertaker's pre-match Gatorade with what was later ruled to be "Liquid Dirty Irty," a cannabis extract. Bewildered and distracted, the Undertaker was counted out while looking for caramel popcorn among the fans, briefly giving the Snake the WWIC title belt, only to lose it weeks later when his dog allegedly ate it. Outside of the ring, the Snake's bizarre antics and various arrests, including the 2009 episode when he shin-kicked and urinated on a Texas police officer, have given him the undisputed title of the WWIC's bad boy.
Finishing Move: Target Trickery
After wearing foes down with swift kicks and rubbing them raw with his shaved chest, the Snake sports a wide smile and provides his fallen opponents with a lift off the mat. When on their feet, the Snake offers his opponent a friendly "Minnesota hi-five". When opponents attempt to do so, the Snake grabs their hand and coils it around their back. He then bites his opponents in the back of the neck and sucks their blood until they pass out. To date, his bite to Andre the Giant is still considered by many to have killed the Princess Bride star.
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Shawn Kevins
Nickname: Flair Bear
Known for his thunderous calf drops from the top buckle unto the hearts of mamed foes, Kevins is renowned for his unwillingness to cede defeat, particularly when fighting alongside his hotpanted "I heart"-ner-in-crime Jannetty. After a successful solo stint, Kevins and Jannetty teamed up to form The Rockers pre-Y2K. Together they have cemented a dynasty duo that prides itself on having been together longer than Tim Duncan and Tony Parker, as well as Parker and Eva Longoria.
Finishing Move: The Bear Claw -- A crushing bear-paw slap across the face of stunned opponents that is said to result in instantaneous hibernation. Kevins patented the move on New Year's Eve 2006, when he blasted El Razor Portillo at the infamous Pay-Too-Much-Per-View Japoneis Melee.
Gino Jannetty
Nickname: Jannetty Spaghetti
Jannetty's intense temper and hyper sensitivity to insult propelled this former member of The Hobbits to individual success when he claimed the intercontinental belt after demolishing Morton's Boy at the '98 Steak-and-Break Summer Slam. Characterized by his headband and legendary "headfake" which dazzles and confounds opponents, Jannetty teamed up with Kevins and revitalized his wayward career after being stranded in the ocean at the '99 SeaDoo-or-Die Fest in San Diego. Since doing so, this combo has terrorized the major circuit with their locks of flowing hair and simply fabulous attire.
Finishing Move:
Loan Shark -- After diminishing his opponents resources to destitute levels, he catapults from the top rope and buries his knees into the carotid artery of their neck to knock them unconscious. When executed correctly, opponents are said to have 0% Interest in getting back on their feet.
