LAKEHOUSE 2007: BATTLE ROYAL

All this fight talk has me thinking this Lakehouse trip could be trouble. We all got a lot of love for one and other, but as we know- it is a thin line between love and fight.

So, who is most likely to allow harmless tomfoolery to turn to an all out brawl.



Mazur & Lubahn- Their parallel lives seem to mirror one and other but these two have some serious demons to summon. They have a history of kicks and punches, but nothing that can be classified as a fight, yet.

Faust & Chambers- Chambers has voiced his dislike repeatedly for me as of late. These two volatile cats could go to war for the most ludicrous of reasons.



Williams & Bear- This Katie Clay kissing thing just isn't over. Bear does not forgive easily. And Williams loves nothing more than to bring up issues that he knows are of the highest sensitivity.

Vaughn & Brown - Vaughn's got a loose tongue and she is more than likely to bring up a certain indiscretion of Brown's that he would rather forget.

Clay & Darling - Because that would be awesome.

Gang Members find home in Downtown Fort Worth

Once upon a time, Fort Worth was one of the coziest cities in America. Lately though, the city has seen an enormous rise in gang population, particularly in the downtown area. Old English style graffiti of the gang name “Mazur” (with the Z turned backwards) has seemingly overnight appeared on every building downtown. In such a quiet and peaceful city, it is very unsettling to all the current residents who have been shocked by what has taken place, especially Texas Christian University who believe that the lead gang member might have been an ex-student. Ashley Cannon, a former TCU student, said she encountered the leader and his gang-banger at a downtown pub fairly recently, “It was a little uneasy to see such a violent person at one of our bars, I mean, this is Texas “Christian” University, why on earth would a gang want to be here!?” Ashley told reporters that although she was scared for her life, she happen to catch a glimpse of the leader’s face and was stunned by what she then saw. “I knew him” she said, “He was a Lambda Chi and I promise you that I knew every single Lambda Chi Alpha ever at TCU. He was even trying to hide his face because he knew that I would recognize him.” Unfortunately Ashley was too afraid to report his name to authorities because she is scared for her life and feels she might have already said too much.

So beware Fort Worth because your city is in extreme danger. If you see this man, run like hell and contact the authorities as soon as you can. This is a very danger man.

A short description of the lead member was reported by a few patrons who have seen him at downtown bars: 5’ 10”, 185 lbs, strong build, tattoos up and down his left arm, droopy eyes, and most of the time will be seen wearing a bandana, Banana Republic jeans, and Crock shoes. He also prefers an orange slice with his beer.

I'm sure I said something to deserve this...

bear we love you because you're a rockstar....

...you can dance....

....but most of all because you're a BEAR......

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M A BEAR. BEAR. AAAAHH

I would just like to say that I love everybody here, true friends indeed.

THE WILLIAMS

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7453539868728987674

Due to excessive lengths and a waning battle series, it's been decided that fights are shortened to crown the eventual winner and remove the Blog pause stemming from the series. That said, buckle up for dollar signs and corporate chaos in

THE WALL STREET FIGHT

HISTORY

These two fiananciers have a deep rooted history and, though from the same hometown of Guadalajara, Texas, they didn't cross paths until locking horns as Business School rivals in Harry `Potatoes' Echols Operational Managament course at `THE' TCU. Though their firey academic competitive rivalry boiled at 9:30 on Tu/Th, the real friction brewed at the location of today's fight: The legendary, revered, loved and thoroughly longed for: West Lowden Estates.

How the fight came to be: After a long day of cramming for Echols midterm, though Matt Lopez gave them the scantron answers two days prior, Clinton and Michael Texas T-Rex calmed their nerves with a few rips from an old deceased friend, Baby Blue Bong. After stoning themselves silly, Michael rummaged in the fridge and found the last remaning CockRoach and lettuce sub. T-Rex devoured the sub and washed it down with a full bladder of Franzia, that had an expiration date of 1987. Clinton, a tad peaved with the consumption of the last cockroach, was fortunate enough to find a tarantula bar, which appeased his appetite.

However, it was then the quarrel erupted.

When Clintonian returned to his lair, he found a drunken T-Rex looking at his chest in Clinton's full-length mirror. As T-Rex pounded on his chest, he turned to Clintonian's bed side table and, without asking, slurped down the remains of a Brown Midnight Special: Chocolate Milk!! Knowing that no chocolate syrup remained, Brownie tried to grab the beverage to salvage a sip. However, when he did, the remaining Choco-Lactose spilled, coating Clint's nightime thriller ``Blade 9: Vampires Gone Wild''. T-Rex, knowing how incensed Clintonian would be, quickly turned to the computer to play the Jimmy Eats World classic ``Sweetness''. However, when he hit play, an unclosed Anime porn site popped up. Not only was Brown enfuriated at the porn selection of the hairy roommate, but, as Sweetness played Clinton yelled ``This song isn't on the MONSTER BALLADS ALBUM!!" At this point, T-Rex dropped, did two push ups and stood to face the wrath of Brown, the Stock Annihilator...

FIGHT!!

Clinton turned and looked at T-Rex, who, in terror, yelled ``MOM!!?'' to summon A-Chub from his patio-garden room. Unfortunately, A-Chub was busy plugging in cheat codes on Grand Theft Auto 3 and was too engaged to assist. Brownie then swung around, grabbed his bottle of LA Looks and doused Mazur's barren chest. Mazur, pleased to have a lube to accentuate his pectorals, began rubbing the gel and saying ``Ohh, you like that little kangaroo, don't you? Kangaroos like muscles, don't they janitor boy?'' Clintonian, confused by this, swiveled around again and grabbed his TI-83, which he threw at T-Rex's head, striking him and drawing first blood. T-Rex then yelled ``Now it's gettin' hood Monkey Blood!'' and quickly pressed play on Coldplay's ``Trouble'', Clinton's least favorite West Lowden jam. Brownie covered his ears in terror and Michael grabbed a comb and destoryed Clinton's impeccable hair, thus weakening the Annihilator, a la Samson. While Brown stood frazzled, T-Rex darted to his room and took his black-and-white still photos from his wall. As Clint charged down the hall, hair a mess, T-Rex began yelling ``Look, Art! Art! Art!'' Because Art is abstract and requires unquantifiable appreciation, Clint shrieked and retreated back in terror to his room. To avoid the charging, art-yielding T-Rex, Clinton wisely snuck through the connected closets, entering the patio layer of A-Chub. T-Rex, realizing he could go through the kitchen to meet Clint, darted the other direction. However, Brownie, again wisely, opened the inside window from the Patio Lair and threw six A-Chub bed tarantulas onto T-Rex. Before T-Rex could react, the tarantulas ate his leg flesh, leaving him with only bones. Clinton, thinking this was victory, cackle-laughed and sat in the den to watch the movie Heat for the 73rd straight day. Brown did not anticipate however, that though T-Rex's leg flesh was gone, his legs were now actually bigger! Encouraged by his new leg strength, T-Rex spotted Pterodactyl the cat scampering across the floor. With one quick volley, T-Rex kicked Pterodactyl onto Brown's face. Pterodactyl attacked Brown, clawing his face and, when done with him, took a viscious yellow diarrhea on his face. It looked like the end of Brownie, and Mazur went to celebrate with Portillo, who was in Clint's room, looting his closet and trying on his clothes. However, Clint, losing consciousness, got a small taste of the yellow doo-doo, and like Popeye is to Spinach, Clint is to Yellow excrement. This revitalized Clint. Brown then slyly snuck into Mazur's room and removed all of his tidy-whiteys from his drawers. Cackle-laughing, Clint ran outside with all of Michael's underwear, which he planned to donate to the Brite Divinity students. However, as Clint exited, a police light shone in his eyes and yelled `You with the underwear, Don't MOVE!'' Hearing this, T-Rex, Portillo, Mitchell, Pterodactyl, 128 cockroaches, 9 tarantulas, Andrew Olson, some girl from the Keg and A-Chub came running outside. It was there that T-Rex made his wisest move. As T-Rex exited onto the porch of West Lowden, he jumped on the Electro-Motor Scooter. He rode the scooter out into the yard and grabbed the undies from Clint. Laughing and yelling ``Kasalinghounmippie!'' he turned and looked back at Clint, unfortunately, an unidentified car was parked in front of the home. T-Rex slammed into the bumper of the car and lay sprawled out on the hood. Unexpectedly, a McCaro brother showed up on the scene and started rubbing T-Rex's groin. Clint began to cackle and ran with Mitchell to watch the molestation. However, as Brown and Mitchell ran to the scene, a 38-wheel cement mixer pulled onto the street. Everyone gasped and a loud crunch was heard. As the truck pulled away, only Mitchell emerged on the other side of the street. Clint was run over. His corpse was then deposited into the back of Kurt's truck, where Clint was laid to rest with Jon Edmonson, who died from Mole-aria and Air Conditioner vomiting. Though T-Rex was molested, Clinton Annihilator was dead, thus meaning...Mazur `Texas T-Rex' MOVES ON TO FACE WILLIAMS in ROUND 2, which is most anticipated matchup in tourney history!!

Oh, and this has 8 million inside jokes, but all are damn good stories of the glory days.

I like this tournament.

Outtie

Alrighty here's where to send drugs, alcohol, black market body parts, small arms and munitions, asian whores, fanmail etc. :

LCPL Miller, Marc T.
1st RECON BN B CO
UNIT 40544
FPO AP 96426-0544

from what i gather mail can take anywhere from ten days to a month. don't be surprised if you go a month, maybe longer, hopefully way less, without hearing from me. the aforementioned are taboo, faux paux, not pc, in extremist muslim no-separation-of-church-and-state land so use cunning, ambiguity, and disgression, all at the same time, if sending.

peaces,

Guile

Gypsies

On my lunch break from my rigourous two-day-a-week schedule I was relaxing at a little cafe. I had a coffee and a cheese and tomato panini while I read the battle-of-the-bong. She came from the shadows with a baby in each hand. As I looked up she had thrown one of the babies high in the air and I dove to catch the gypsey baby girl just before she hit the ground. (as Miller and Lubahn can attest my hands are as supple as Art Monk's). Then I looked up and saw the other baby was already on his perilous way down. I placed the girl down in a basket of fish and chips (I also ordered that as a snack) and snagged the boy before he fell into my bangers and mash (sausage and mashed potatoes- a little dessert).

By this time the gypsy had made a move for my laptop but luckily my friends Oliver and Clive were there to stop her. Unfortuantely they were too weak to stop her and merely said in a stern voice, "Pardon me, but would you mind buggering off!" This is when she settled for the phone and dissapeared into thin air.

Piper and I are now raising two gypsy chlidren.... Avocado and Glove.

I got gyped.

Duh, dun, dun, dun, duh...

The day has arrived young Jedis. Today is the day, the day that decides who takes their finger off the carb and clears the lurking smoke remaining from:

THE BATTLE OF THE BONG

This is the 4 VERSUS 9 matchup.

Let's take a look at the pre-fight notebook.

The media is buzzing around the 4-seed Kevin McSupercalves, the dark bear in this tournament. Known for his peaceful, calm demeanor, McSupercalves has warned opponents not to underestimate his agressive switch, which is most visible in his rippling Sequoia trunk legs or when Rex Grossman throws 4 first half INTs.
McSupercalves has been lax in his preparation for this fight. Here's a clip from an interview this week. (Cut to video of McSupercalves. He is wearing a Urlacher jersey, sitting in his room with only the black light on. He is listening to Dark Side of the Moon and watching SportsCentury: 85 Bears)

Suzy Kolber: So, McSupercalves, do you fear B-Dub? Apparently he's been training extensively for the fight.
McSuper: Shutup bitch. This is my favorite line on the album. (singing/grumbling) ``New car, caviar, four-star dream. Think I'll buy me a football team.'' (that's a real lyric)
Suzy Kolber: McSupercalves, can we talk about the fight?
McS: Fight? It's freaking Weiss. He's fragile. That guy is weaker than dirty schwag. Seriously, I'm just gonna show up high, beat him in NCAA 2007, smoke, and then watch the Spurs.
Suzy Kolber: What about the fight though?
McS: Do you like the Bears?
Suzy Kolber: Sure, their... (cut off)
McS: Than shutup and watch this clip of McMahon. That guy is so rebelious.
(Enter Ginger, who mauls Kolber. Then, Kevin and Ginger eat her body)

His opponent and long-time friend, Brian, B-Dub, (s)Weiss Cheese, does not carry a lot of clout and is not anticipated to put up much of a fight against his hearty opponent. B-Dub admits to being gun-shy after his Rodney King episode in late December, however, he has been training to avenge his assailants, running and wrestling daily with his blue-skinned trainer Gino.

(Cut to Weiss/Gino Mike Tyson Punchout type montage. Weiss runs with a headband on and bball shorts through Arizona cacti. Weiss falls in cacti and grimaces in pain. Gino, no advocate of sympathy, bites B-Dub's curly locks and pulls him through the cacti, barking at him with a dubbed Mr. Miagi voice saying `Get up B-Dub-Son'. The montage then cuts to B-Dub training on a treadmill. He is sweating and struggling. Gino levitates in front of him, holding a bag of dro and box of clorox to tempt B-Dub. The montage ends with Gino humping the now tone leg of B-Dub. They laugh, and, as a 1-uper, B-Dub humps Gino's leg, as if to say `thank you' for all the training. Close montage)

Fight History

This fight started in 2004, when B-Dub and McSupercalves decided it was `grow-up' time and moved out of their Lubbock St. campus friendly home. It was a very traumatic day, but, with emotions riding high, they both entered the living room at the same time. The house was entirely empty, except for the foosball table and, in the center of the living room, a long, sleek, blue bong, with a freshly loaded bowl of hydroponics. They both approached it and put their hands on it simultaneously. After a long staredown, weed-anger overcame both of them and then...

FIGHT!

The fight starts as expected, with Bear grabbing Weiss by the hair. Bear/McSupercalves then, still holding Weiss's Froto Baggins locks, picks him up and begins to swing him around in the air. As he does, he begins to sing `Bear Down, Chicago Bears'. McSuper then opens the front door and hurls Weiss 200 yards onto to the top of the MJ Neeley School of Business. Bear then returns to bong and sits indian-style as he prepares to smoke. As he pulls the lighter from his Chicago Cubs hoody, the phone rings. It Katie Clay, calling to admit she kissed Adam Williams again. Meanwhile, Weiss regains consciousness atop of the buidling when he hears the beats of his favorite Liberian-Greenland rapper/crooner, MC Martian. He awakes inspired, however is still 40 feet atop a building and his pale skin is beginning to burn. As B-Dub looks down from the edge of the building, Gino stares at him from the base of the building. Gino then levitates up to B-Dub. Gino barks ``We must prevail B-Dub-son''. Weiss then jumps on Gino and, a la The Neverending Story, flies across Fort Worth and then returns to the door of their Lubbock Street home. Bear answers the door and looks down at Gino. As Bear goes to pet Gino, Weiss viloently knees Kevin in the head. Kevin stumbles back and calmly says ``Ow''. Miffed by Kevin's strength, Weiss darts to the foosball table and picks up the foosball balls. As Kevin runs into the gameroom, Weiss throws the ball at Kevin, which misses, hits the wall and bounces back to strike Bear in the CALF. Ahhhhh! Kevin yells in agony, as the ball punctures his hot-air balloon calves and Kevin crumples to the ground face first. With the open wound from his calves exposed, Weiss picks up the foosball table and prepares to hit Bear with it. But, as he turns back to Bear, two families of five crawl out of his calves. Apparently, in a freak genetic inicident, two families of five had learned to thrive and flourish in his calves;The Hendersons and the Buckets. Because they are so small, Weiss replaces the midfield players on the foosball table with the Hendersons and Buckets. Years down the line, B-Dub will make millions from this creation. Nonetheless, as Weiss teaches the Hendersons and Buckets the rules of the game, Bear awakes, however, lacking support from his calves, is no longer a Bear, but a flamingo! The flamingo then attempts to attack B-Dub, who quickly casts the spell of Sleep on the Flamingo. The Flamingo has fallen asleep. Gino levitates into the room and tells B-Dub-son ``Finish him''. B-Dub grabs a headband and begins to wrap it around the Flamingo's neck, however, as the flamingo loses breath, Weiss's true nemesis AB, enters the home and begins to smoke the fresh bowl. B-Dub, enraged, enters the room and high kicks AB's head off. Gino then runs to AB's head and, with a box-cutter, carves a bong from AB's skull. B-Dub, so pleased to have killed his nemesis, returns to the gameroom and chants the spell of ``Gentle Bear'' on the Flamingo. Kevin is returned in full form, calves and all. Then, as a show of peace, the two smoke a bowl out of AB's head, the perfect finale to the Lubbock home. Ten minutes later, the two are stoned and decide to play one last game of foos. Weiss takes the Buckets and Bear, the Hendersons. Tied at 8, Weiss plays the ball back to his goalie, who passes to Brian Bucket, who rifles a goal into the corner. As the ball crosses the goalline, Bear vanishes and Gino appears. He looks at Brian and declares ``You have prevailed young salmon''. In the first stunning upset of the tournament B-DUB and SENSAI GINO WIN and will move on to play PORTILLO in the BATTLE OF THE EYEBROWS.

Weiss's winnings go to the CWAGA? (Can't We All Get Along?) foundation.

Bear's winnings go to CBTC - Chicago Bears Tailgating Committee.

See you soon, Tyler Derden

The long awaited

ROUND ONE
Let's take it one fight at a time. Everyone chime in with other versions of the fight and an official vote on who you think would win...

THE BATTLE OF THE PLATES

This is the 3 versus 10 matchup. Let's take a quick look at the fighters before we get into the action.

Lee Matthew Portillo, a feisty middleweight from San Antonio, Texas, credits his scrappy fighting technique and gruff disposition to being ridiculed in his youth for his premature bearding (age 9), 19 second `Uuuuuummmm'' pauses and st-st-st-stuttering p-p-problems. B-b-but as Lee states, `What ddddoes not kkkkill me, 0nly made me, uuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmm, stronger.'

Brent Scott Lubahn, a delicate featherweight from Minnesota, says his love for fighting is more from a promotional standpoint, as he claims he would rather be the one instigating a clash than participating in one. However, for today's exception, BS Lubahn says he has spent extra time training, dedicating a daily 30 minutes of shin roundhouses to his wife, son and dyslexic dogs. Also, in preparation for the fight, Brent has downed a bottle of 6$ red wine to redden his teeth, making him look rabid, and has swallowed 4 shots of Southern Comfort to alleviate his social awkwardness.

The controversy between these two stems from the ``Great Plate Debate'' of late 2003. BS Lubahn cowardly claims that former friend and roommate Lee stole his K-Mart plastic Moose plates, which Melissa plastered and painted and Atilla peed on. Portillo states he is innocent of plate theft, but guily of pleasuring himself on Brent's computer and rancor odor. Today, the Plate Debate will be shattered, forever...

FIGHT LOCATION: Where their friendship was forever altered: 4724 Trail Lake

FIGHT!

The fight opens in the front yard, with Brent nabbing the first blow, as he pointed down the street and asking `Is that Eleah?' Portillo turned and Lubahn struck Lee's shin with a volley to the shin. OUCH! Lee grabs his shin and Lubahn slaps Lee in the face, causing his recently fixed teeth to fly into the street. Enraged, Lee stands and fright overcomes Lubahn, who runs behind the immovable 4724 stump. Portillo, blinded by rage and faltering $2 sunglasses, charges Lubahn, only to fall in the infamous 4724 hole, which Lubahn covered with a plate. Portillo's fall leaves him writhing in pain. Lubahn laughs, but, as his confidence grows, the Trail Lake homeless skateboarder pulls into the driveway. Lubahn is terrified and runs into the house, turning off all the lights and hiding under his sheets, which are marred by Bailey's chewmarks. Outside, the Trail Lake skateboarder and Lee befriend one another and speak of their drifter adventures and Nietzche's existentialism. The skateboarder gives Portillo mushrooms in exchange for Lee's teeth fillings. The skateboarder then boards a Greyhound and heads south to Buenos Aires. Saddened by the exit of a true soul, Lee rings the firehouse-alert doorbell. Brent sneaks out of the backdoor, grabs a tiki-torch and approachs Lee from behind. Lubahn whacks Portillo in the back, but the magic mushrooms have created a shield around Lee, which electocutes Brent, sending him flying back into the garage door. As he falls, he lands on the far brick wall of 4724, creating a HUGE dent in the bricks, thus resolving another long-lasting 4724 saga. Portillo then walks to Brent's body, puts it over his shoulder and walks to the Oui. There, Lee meets and hits on a 40-something woman and Lubahn remains passed out on a stool. Melissa walks in with Stadler, Dana and the crew. Melissa is steamed to find Brent passed out in public again. Stadler says `He must have drank his dinner!'' While he laughs, Portillo turns and rips off Stadler's head and beats Dana to death with it. Yes! Yes! Yes! Portillo, now drunk, takes Lubahn over his shoulder again and walks to Kevin and BW's house to get high. When he arrives, he places Lubahn on the ground and puts a stereo by his passed out head. Portillo then goes and plays `See who can eat grass' with Bear, thus exhausting Portillo. Lubahn awakes and walks into the front yard, where he finds Portillo on the porch. He surprises Portillo with a shin kick, putting Lee on the ground. Lubahn repeatedly kicks Lee, looking as if he will win the fight. But, as if a gift from God, Lee sees a box of PanBurger lying on the ground. He crawls to it, pours it into his mouth and jumps to his feet. Lubahn, again scared, turns to run, but Lee, a la San Diego hotel night, Wolverine jumps on Lubahn. Taking off his shirt, Lee begins rubbing his `chest vest' on Lubahn's face. Lubahn is squirming but, as he considers conceding, sees Bailey running towards them. He calls frantically `Bailey! Come Here girl! Bailey!'' Unfortunately for Brent, when Bailey arrives, she does not assist, simply grabs Lubahn's shoes and chews them visciously. As second degree burns develop, Lubahn gives up, granting victory to Portillo. The two get up and, in a true show of camaraderie, return to Trail Lake, get high and watch Reno 911. They eat toast and chimichanga's on, what else, the missing Moose plates.

Lee dedicates his winnings to the `Katie Clay Japonais' foundation.
Brent, who was compensated in hearty steak soup, dedicates his winnings to the `AARD: Adoption Agency of Retarded Dogs' foundation.

Portillo moves on to face the winner of THE BATTLE OF THE BONG

SCOTTSDALE, AZ

Williams is doomed!

McDonald's is contemplating all-day breakfast.....

http://chicagobusiness.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?rssFeed=news&id=23917

Adam "The Bee Keeper" Williams - 2008

FIGHT TIME

With another reunion on the horizon, it's time to get the ol' Blog kicking again. That said, with much talk about fighting, it's tourney time. Graphic Design team Faust will post an NCAA tourney style bracket the pits members of the IC in versus mode.

The tenative seeding is as follows:

1. Marcus Arelius Miller - AKA No Limit Solja
2. A ``The Incredible Pudgy Hulk' W
(Both 1&2 seeds receive byes into the second round. If you want to debate that, well, don't. We'll beat your brains in)

First Round Action:
BATTLE OF THE PLATES:

3 Seed: Lee `Japonais Chimichanga' Portillo VERSUS 10 Seed Brenton `Daddy Shin Kick' Darling.
- Portillo's fatality is petty theft (plates, cell phones, clothing, floss)
- Lubahn's fatalities are a Phone call and/or a Shin roundhouse

BATTLE OF THE BONG:

4 Seed: Bear `Rhino Calves' Dalrymple VERSUS 9 Seed: Brian `Arizona Crackti' Weiss
- Bear's fatalities are: a quick-witted Blog post, a `who kissed Katie' ass-kick, or making his opponent eat grass
- BW's fatality is injecting clorox into his opponents eyes or sensitive Message board defaming of his opponent
* BW is a dark-horse considering his partner is a blue-skinned flying Italian Dingo

WALL STREET FIGHT:

5 Seed Clint `Stock Any-ihilator' Brown VERSUS 8 Seed: Mikey `Texas Tea-Rex' Mazur
- Brown's fatalities include: Poisoning via Hair gel called the ``LA `don't' Look'', the 5AM wake-up call and, of course, the Yellow Stress-Induced Cleveland Steamer
- Mazur's fatalities include: The Pec flex to ya neck, The Scream of Terror that erupts your eardrums and the Excessive Insult, which crushes opponents souls

NATURAL DISASTER MATCH: WHEN VOLCANOS ERUPT

6 Seed Adam `0 and 8 Mate' Faust VERSUS 7 Seed Matt `Mutilating Mariner' Chambone
- Faust looks to get off the fight snide and earn his first victory with such fatalities as: Second Hand Lung Punch, The Vesuvius, where he violently tirades you unexpectedly, and/or Torture Tears, where after he listens to The Erotic Shoelaces album, he hurls poison tears at your skull.
- Chambone's fatalities include: The Rubber Band Strangler with his 41 wrist bands, the Chin Beard Rug Burn and Adderol Asphixiation, where he focuses for 11 hours on choking his opponent.

Let the games begin. Faust add pics.

Williams, get a life.

Out

Happy Valentine's Day

As those of us who prepare for this bullshit of all bullshit holidays I was curious what you guys are thinking of doing for your loved ones? Piper does not recognize this holiday and agrees it is commercialized crapola.... I still probably have to get her a card or something, right?

Skip the fancy dinner and flowers and try and be novel. Maybe a pig's heart wrapped in looseleaf paper? Or take a drive out to a romantic hilltop and fuck her in the asshole.

And to our single men's club...what are your plans. Especially now with no Booya7 to strike you with cupid's hard-on. This day may seem especially difficult without it.

It is truly a stupid day.

I wrote this for a radio station this morning. It is long yes, but I'd like to hear my bois weigh in.

In the era of me-promoting, where YOU was named Time’s Person of the Year, Anna Nicole Smith’s death is undoubtedly the apex headline in the world of the undeserving famous. It was unsurprising, and yet disturbing, to find Anna Nicole’s picture atop media outlets throughout the country. My question is, `Why are we so compelled to discuss a figure who sacrificed her soul for our attention’? Why is this person, ridiculed for her shallow existence, worthy of our discussion? I find the answer to be fame, which although we may not admit, has established itself as maybe the number 1 ambition in our culture.
Look at our television programs: American Idol, Beauty and the Geek and the Surreal Life. It seems that we, as a people, are willing to subject ourselves to humiliation and ridicule simply to be known, not for talent, but for our disregard for self. These hollow characteristics were Anna Nicole Smith. Her life was an immoral sacrifice to attain money, recognition and fame. And yet, because of her despicable behavior, she was glorified, thus completing her lifelong objective of fame. My parting question is: Do we not have the presence of mind to ignore such soul-sacrifice? Or, is there a part of us that, deep down, maybe wish that we too could have what Anna Nicole did have: Fame.

On a boat in Trinidad and Lubahn calls. Lubahn calls no one and when he does...wait he doesn't. I asked him if it was an emergency. He said no so I told him I had to work and hung up on him. We are friends.

P.s. I didn't have to work.

P.s.s. I'm just kidding Lubahn.

Ok, I'm going to be a dick. I think I'm a little biiter. Maybe because I am watching the Superbowl with British announcers. Could you imagine how anoying that is?

One of my roommates reminds me of Adam Stadler. He is actually much worse. He talk constantly even when he has nothing worth saying. he knows nothing about football. And these kind of people are miserable to watch the Superbowl with.

So, to entertain myself during the 2nd quarter I thought it would be fun to document how truly awful my roomate is.... word for word.....

12:29AM
"Have you seen the trailer for the Fantastic Four sequel?"

"Does your vagina hurt?"

12:30 AM

"Milk was a bad choice!" (from Anchorman)

"SUV commercials should have more hot chicks."

"Hey Stupid!"

"Peyton is tall. That helps him see more."

12:32 AM

"Do you want to do mushrooms this weekend?"

"Well, if not, then when?"

"Whatever, pussy."

12:34PM

"I'm going to see The Killers in Paris."

"I like!" (from Borat)

12:37AM

Falls asleep.... Wow, I didn't see that coming. My other roomamte just noticed and smiled. He didn't even make it to halftime. That's awesome. Now I can enjoy the game in peace. Cheers.

Headline aimed as us?:

Bush puts 'ic' back in 'Democratic Party'

Made me think of friends. Hugs.

Bear Down.