https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wu2tVv_x_ow&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
Who Needs Assault Rifles?
When this does the shooting for you.
Who on Earth needs this weapon?
http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/05/15/184223110/new-rifle-on-sale?utm_source=NPR&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=20130516
Who on Earth needs this weapon?
http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/05/15/184223110/new-rifle-on-sale?utm_source=NPR&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=20130516
Forever Awesome?
Yes, the Mavs aren't in the playoffs and the Spurs are. Yes, the Spurs have 4 titles and the Mavs one. Yes, I am a fair-weather and crappy Mavs fan.
But this is cool. Reminded me that the Mavs are the last team to beat the Heat and might be the last team to do so for a while.
And then Cuban blew-up a Championship team.
Spurs-Warriors series was basketball radness. Harrison Barnes is my new favorite player in life and I want his Starting Lineup figurine.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Unlock them all
Hacksaw Mark Miller
Nickname: A-Mark-Ican Legend
Hacksaw began his career claiming he was "more American than Wild Turkey" and "a Dickload more patriotic than the movie The Patriot with that Anti-Auschwitz Aussie," and became an instant sensation known for battering opponents with a 2x4 and screaming "Death to the Procreation Narcissist Paradigm!" and "Nipples!" Within weeks of his arrival to the WWIC, Miller burst into a starring role after he savagely beat his opponent and a ringside police officer who attempted to intervene and stop the bloodbath. When done, Hacksaw burped in the faces of both befallen victims and screamed "Fucktards Ish!" much to the delight of his fans. Hacksaw, who held the title belt for almost two years, was forever enshrined into WWIC lore when, at South By SouthFightFest '11, a small Incan undercut him as he scaled a two-story ladder while readying himself to leap onto his opponent. Hacksaw plummeted to the mat, shattering both legs, though managed to still record the pin. He returned to the WWIC only 5 days later with two 2x4s for legs.
Finishing Move: The DWI - Demolition While Irate
After splintering his opponents' chances of victory through a series of 2x4 jump-kicks and nuclear lactose burps, Hacksaw retreats to his corner to take either a shot of Bourbon, a bump of coke, or chug an American Appletini. As he does, the crowd begins to chant "DWI! DWI! DWI!" Miller smiles wide, cameras snap photos and Hacksaw lifts his opponent to his feet. He then screams "MUGSHOT!" and smashes his opponent across the face with a 2x4 spiked with bone spurs and sharpened Copenhagen can shards. He then shoots an entire AK-47 magazine round into the ceiling of the arena.
The Snake
Nickname: Venom in Denim
One of the most untrusted and detested members of the WWIC, the Snake's career has been long characterized by egregious disloyalty to former tag-team partners and outlandish out-of-the-ring behavior that continues put his name in tabloid headlines. The Snake, who first arrived on the circuit sporting ripped jean shorts and an Aruba t-shirt, catapulted to fame at the 2006 Crowley Rally when he alleged spiked the Undertaker's pre-match Gatorade with what was later ruled to be "Liquid Dirty Irty," a cannabis extract. Bewildered and distracted, the Undertaker was counted out while looking for caramel popcorn among the fans, briefly giving the Snake the WWIC title belt, only to lose it weeks later when his dog allegedly ate it. Outside of the ring, the Snake's bizarre antics and various arrests, including the 2009 episode when he shin-kicked and urinated on a Texas police officer, have given him the undisputed title of the WWIC's bad boy.
Finishing Move: Target Trickery
After wearing foes down with swift kicks and rubbing them raw with his shaved chest, the Snake sports a wide smile and provides his fallen opponents with a lift off the mat. When on their feet, the Snake offers his opponent a friendly "Minnesota hi-five". When opponents attempt to do so, the Snake grabs their hand and coils it around their back. He then bites his opponents in the back of the neck and sucks their blood until they pass out. To date, his bite to Andre the Giant is still considered by many to have killed the Princess Bride star.
________________________________________
Shawn Kevins
Nickname: Flair Bear
Known for his thunderous calf drops from the top buckle unto the hearts of mamed foes, Kevins is renowned for his unwillingness to cede defeat, particularly when fighting alongside his hotpanted "I heart"-ner-in-crime Jannetty. After a successful solo stint, Kevins and Jannetty teamed up to form The Rockers pre-Y2K. Together they have cemented a dynasty duo that prides itself on having been together longer than Tim Duncan and Tony Parker, as well as Parker and Eva Longoria.
Finishing Move: The Bear Claw -- A crushing bear-paw slap across the face of stunned opponents that is said to result in instantaneous hibernation. Kevins patented the move on New Year's Eve 2006, when he blasted El Razor Portillo at the infamous Pay-Too-Much-Per-View Japoneis Melee.
Gino Jannetty
Nickname: Jannetty Spaghetti
Jannetty's intense temper and hyper sensitivity to insult propelled this former member of The Hobbits to individual success when he claimed the intercontinental belt after demolishing Morton's Boy at the '98 Steak-and-Break Summer Slam. Characterized by his headband and legendary "headfake" which dazzles and confounds opponents, Jannetty teamed up with Kevins and revitalized his wayward career after being stranded in the ocean at the '99 SeaDoo-or-Die Fest in San Diego. Since doing so, this combo has terrorized the major circuit with their locks of flowing hair and simply fabulous attire.
Finishing Move: Loan Shark -- After diminishing his opponents resources to destitute levels, he catapults from the top rope and buries his knees into the carotid artery of their neck to knock them unconscious. When executed correctly, opponents are said to have 0% Interest in getting back on their feet.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
Obama:
"Alright, will now take the next question from Bloomberg News."
"Thanks Mr. President. My friend Brent wants to know how the legalization of "Dirty Irty" has impacted the country and if you think more states, namely Texas, are soon to follow Washington and Colorado's example?"
"Is he the one that used to get high and go to Home Depot at like 11 in the morning?"
"Yes, Mr. President. That's him. I think he still does that."
"Tell him to be careful with that stuff. If he goes back to Texas and legislation is passed that allows for the possession of Dirty Irty, he could end up like this":
"Or worse even, like this":
"Thank you sir. You can count on me to relay the message."
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Happy NFL Draft Day
This is the best story of this year's draft, or possibly, one of the best stories of any draft
Friday, April 12, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
Wild On Bogota
Highlights:
* Miller and I biggest people to pass through Andean region since conquistadores
* In a robbery attempt, several small Incans swarmed Miller and tried to clean out his pockets. One tiny Andean spit on his ear/neck. So, within 24 hours of arrival, a Colombian spit on Miller.
* Went into a bar last night on a whim. Didnt pick up on the "Flower Power" promos outside. Walked in to see three topless men dancing, a DJ just in jean shorts, and about 150 sweating men dancing to techno. We left and asked for a refund of the cover fee, which to our surprise, was granted.
* Colombian women. They dont seem to make sense. Stunning porcelain dolls just casually traipsing through the city streets.
Next up, the Amazon.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Friday, March 08, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
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