THE BLOG IS DYING

This blog has brought us all together. It is essential in maintaining the group. We're all closer because of it and it is time to give it the respect it deserves. You dont have to be particularly funny or clever. Just give everyone a heads up on whats been going on. I think it is important. Yeah, we are all very busy.

Faust

It's time we pay tribute to our favorite Marine...

(please add your favorite Millerisms. I know you all have at least a few...)

We lost a great opportunity the other day my friends. The Mason-Dixon line of the IC was drawn, sides were known and all were ready to bleed as they bred. Unfortunately the Spurs, Mavs western conference finals will not happen.

I found myself compelled to watch the 8-1 massacre that was that Dallas series. I have no affinity for the mavs but I do have a special place in my heart for Avery and even enjoy the theatrics that the Memphis haircut-Adam Williams look-alike Cuban brings to the table. But watching Nelson on the side lines and with the crew-cut Chris Mullein in the GM's box, I was reminded of what it means to be a true fan.

Many years ago a similar match-up took place, 2-7 seed, Spurs vs Golden Shower Warriors. A young Admiral was patrolling the low post waters, the ninga was on three point line, Dwayne Shyinzes was keeping it real with his Billy Ray Cyrus mullet and David Winefield had just been cleared of sexual assault charges. This case led to a elementary school conversation with my Dad about what happens when a man and women get into a bed together with no underwear on and don't agree on what happened afterwards. But that's a whole separate blog.

Anyway the Spurs and coach Larry Brown were roundly dismissed by the 7-seeded Showers under a hail of Mullein 3's and Tim Hardaway penetrations. Not the homo-phobic penetrations, just slashing cuts to the rim.

Afterwards I was so crushed by the upset that my dad had to walk me around the block to console me and (to be forthcoming) get the whimpering to stop. This and other spurs stories from the early nineties gave me the question "Would I rather have my team win it all as a child, or as a guy in your twenties?". I posted this question to the Bear and the Brain. The brain said in the 20's mos def, the Bear replied "I don't know, I was really a bulls fan as a child". Which brings me to the second point of my post.

Bandwagoners. Don't be one Mavs fans.Of course we all remember that perverted request a few years back when Williams came to the Spurs headquarters general management team (aka the West Lowden Mafia) and asked for membership privileges to the club.
He said all the right things too. "Solid character, team defense, winning before the individual".

Membership Denied.

It was quite awkward too, the sexual equivalent of being hit on by a drunk butch lesbian. Kinda of nice the opportunity was presented, but still we knew it was a temporary request only to be forgotten the next time a mustached pink taco walked by.

So hold strong Mavs fans because if there is anything losing to the Golden Showers taught me, it's that you can only truly experience a championship as a fan, if you've experienced big man being mouth-ass penetrated by Mullein and Hardaway. Or Jackson and Davis.

Bear. Please post the keg winning victory video of the spurs defeating the mavericks in OT on the Parker tear-drop (March 2003) so these guys can remember what it looks like to celebrate a victory.

Go Spurs Go!

Who are these fun boys?

Is there any player more thug than Stephen `Fetus Eater' Jackson? Though this series has been tough to watch, I thought you guys would like the following text exchanges with a former FW Star-Telegram Sports guy:

AW: Stephen Jackson started the Crips
RE: They kicked him out, he was too hardcore

AW: Stephen Jackson killed 2Pac.
RE: 2Pac killed himself because he was afraid of Stephen Jackson.

AW: Stephen Jackson's first toy: Machete
RE: Second toy, 2 days later: New machete to replace dull machete

Notables:
* Stephen Jackson was alone in a dark alley once and had to shoot himself in self-defense.
* The real Axis of Evil is Stephen Jackson, Stephen Jackson and Stephen Jackson.
* Stephen Jackson powders his hands with Anthrax

Fellas,

Obviously I have not posted in a while. About four plus months actually. I have not felt comfortable around everyone, but I want to take this opportunity to get some things off my chest. For starters, I want to let everyone know that I am writing this email in a tone that I would address a brother with. Meaning, I need to clear the air, and I don't plan to lose any friends because of this.

Since our last night together, I had really hoped that time would eventually heal my pride. But all that has happened is that I resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to be at any group functions for a long while. And then something funny happened last week.

You all know me. Which is to say you know I am messy and cheap. So last weekend in Vegas, when Eleah and I were getting ready to go out, i was putting on my nicest pants and emptied my pockets in the process. Of course I don't like to go out big too often so the last time I wore these slacks was our last night in Chicago. And of course, I did not get them dry cleaned so everything from then was there.

So you can imagine my surprise to find the Japana receipt crumpled, torn but still readable in my pocket. When I realized what it was I did not inspect it immediately because, honestly, I loathe my memories of that night. I have not forgotten how I was isolated, ostracized and embarrassed by my best friends.

The images of my friends fighting me, slapping me and screaming into the faces of the girls I had just asked to be in my wedding, have stuck with me. (On a side note, did no one realize that my plan was to propose to eleah only two weeks before this Chicago trip so that I could tell everyone face to face and ask everyone face to face to be in my wedding, including the girls there that night - girls Eleah grew up with?)

So I put the receipt away and forgot about it.

Until today when I did my work expense statement for my trip to Vegas. I looked at the tab, looked at the math and tried to make sense of it. There was just one item I could not figure out on that tab, a phrase called "MIN DIFEREN". So I called Japana and said I had a business meeting there a few weeks back and had to identify for accounting the meaning of this phrase.

The manager informed me that because we had a reservation for the lobby, there was a minimum charge of 75 dollars per person. (Sound Familiar?). So the "MIN DIFEREN" was the amount needed to be charged to reach $75 times the number of people in our party.

I then told him we were aware of that, BUT because the waitress was so slow and poor that night a lot of us open up tabs at the bar (Which I did do like many of my friends). He informed me that the bar tab should have counted against the required $75, especially because the service was under par. He then asked if I had my bar receipt but alas I do not. And that is not the important part to me. This is the important part...

Total required to be reached by Japana = 75 * 16 = $1200 (Note they added one extra person because they knew we were drunk idiots)
Total of "MIN DIFEREN" = $727
Total on Tab that was not directly mine or Faust's (think Moet faust) = $ 313
NOTE: $ 313 for 5 girls plus some beers and whiskeys which I know was not their's.

No one lied.

No one over charged.

Everyone paid there fair part.

We were just too stupid drunk to read the tab and inform them that due to their service we opened up bar tabs. (Plus they added one extra person)

The result? We blamed the people we did not know and punished one of our own for being the immediate contact.

That was wrong. Rarely in my life have I been treated like that. And never have I been treated like that by my best friends. I hope we never do it again because it has fucked with my mind and put significant distance around myself.

So when I came home after Chicago and saw the videos from Jan 2nd, with everyone playing grab ass in the hotel, I could not believe it. First we all act that way, then we act like it did not even happen. That hurt.

Cause it did happen. It was wrong and you can all go fuck yourselves.

But you all are my closest friends. And I don't plan on losing a single friend because of this. I just needed to let you all know how I felt.

ps. I could not get to kinkos but will go and email the pdf of the receipt to anyone who wants it.

hello all,

sorry i haven't posted, emailed, phoned, telegraphed, etc... i'm stacking some pictures for all to see. i had a nice little moustache going, but decided it wasn't for me. i realized i'm all or nothing where facial hair is concerned.

here's a music video, from our favorite swedish dj eric prydz

http://www.internetdj.com/watch_video.php?op=watch&mediaid=15089

hope the link worked. if not, the video "call on me" is a must watch.

we should definitely start planning our new year's get together. i know it seems early but that will likely be my first opportunity to see y'all. it makes me sick thinking about all the fun you boys are having without me. i'll catch up in no time...

anxiously awaiting debauchery with you all,

marc

Meet the Pigeon

2007 LakeHouse Evaluation

Chambers: If it seems like forever ago that we saw Chambers, it is because it was. His early departure on Saturday morning left just a glimpse of memory from his stay. However, for his very first lakehouse appearance, Chambers definitely lived up to par. Even though he had to leave at 7 AM on Saturday morning, that did not stop him from beer bongs, shots, and staying up late partying on Friday night. Well done Matthew!


Best Moment: Chambers tubing. From biting, clawing, choking his opponent with his feet, and flying off like Superman... I am not sure if I've ever had a better time at pulling someone on the tube. Overall Grade: A


C-Brown: Clint did arrive a little later than expected on Friday afternoon, however, I have to excuse some of this time because he did have to stop at Home Depot to buy requested wood. Once Brown finally did make it, he had one goal in mind.... to not remember a damn thing. From his vodka tonics to reliving his days with M.J., Brown was all about a good time.


Best Moment: This could really be a best moment for McIntosh too,.. but it was pretty damn hilarious on the last night when the shaving cream prank actually worked. After Clint killed off the handle of Tito's Vodka, a short visit with Miss M.J., and some flip cup... it was lights out for Brown, who sitting upright in front of the TV in the living room. A little shaving cream and a tickle under the nose is all Brown needed before he was turning into Santa Claus. Classic. Overall Grade: A


McIntosh: Even though he is not a true part of the "IC", I felt like he deserves credit. Not only did he build a new ramp for the wave runner, but he also added another story to the house. Plus, he was there with me until 4 PM washing sheets and cleaning up, and I always give mad props for that.

Best Moment: McIntosh arm wrestling against Mazur. As Mazur is fighting with every bit of his strength, McIntosh looks back at everyone, smiles, and then slams Mazur's arm through the floor. Overall Grade: A



Mazur: Michael had a fantastic weekend as always,.. full of classic facial expressions, bird calls/yelps, sarcasm, and his one-eyed shut drunk face. He made fun of everyone in the group at least once, and even people outside the group (..Count Stackula). The only thing missing from Mazur over the weekend was his fake tattoo, which might hurt his grade slightly.
Best Moment: Flip cup,.. Mazur's celebration dance after each win made it worth losing for my team every time. Overall Grade: A


Faust: Going into his fourth consecutive lakehouse trip, Faust did not miss a beat. He came ready for everything, and when nothing was happening, Faust created something. He knows the lakehouse rules, especially the #1 - never stop drinking and have fun. I love anyone who throws up in their bed, cleans the sheets, and then comes back outside and drinks until 5 in the morning.

Best Moment: With Faust, there are so many to choose from, the reenactment of the fan blade was pretty classic, falling into one foot of water and getting completely soaked was another,... but for me, I have to go football… In our 2 on 3 match, with Faust and I on all-time defense, Adam Faust turned into Brian Urlacher... After already getting one good hit on C-Brown, Faust was feeling his role in the backfield. A couple of plays later and then came the hit of the century,... (Announcer) "Williams drops back (Bear on a hard rush), Williams forced to get rid of it.. throws to Brown who makes the....(BAM)~~OOOOOHHHHHH!!! FAUST OUT OF NO WHERE CLOBBERS BROWN TO THE GRASS!! A text book defensive play by middle linebacker/safety Adam Faust! That guy is an animal today!" Overall Grade: A+++



Williams: Adam, a previous winner in Spring of 2005, was his usual hilarious self throughout the whole weekend. What I really like about Williams is that he can be talked into absolutely anything. On Thursday, he wasn't sure if he was going to partake in smoking, well that didn't take long. Friday, he was a little unsure whether he wanted to tube in the cold water... Faust called him out and Williams was in within five seconds. On Saturday night, McIntosh and I dared him at 2 in the morning that he couldn't climb to the very top of the large oak tree in our yard, after 5 minutes of telling him that he could not do it,... he attempted several times and failed, in fact, he did not even make it to the first branch, but that's beside the point.

Best Moment: Thursday night, I nearly forgot about this moment until last night when the memory crossed my mind and I burst into laughter. Football was thrown in the lake, Williams decides he needs to get on the neighbors dock to fetch it... Instead of going around (the proper way), Williams decides he needs to make a six and a half foot jump in order to get on their dock. He jumps, lands one foot, but cannot bring the other foot up in time, slips, catches himself for about a second or two (hanging sideways parallel to the water), holds for dear life, and then crashes into the water. That was probably the funniest thing that happened all weekend, and I am glad I was one of only 2 people to witness it. The rest of the evening and next morning, Williams wore nothing but a white robe. Overall Grade: A+++



Lubahn: After little thought and consideration, I have decided Brent Lubahn as the MVP of Spring Lakehouse 2007, hands down! There are so many funny moments that involved Lubahn throughout the weekend that I am not really sure where to start. He showed up ready to consume anything that was offered, and consume he did, in massive amounts. And not only that, but he made sure everyone else was as well. Saturday morning, we had a full bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila, by 4 PM it was gone.

Best Moment: The entire weekend, Lubahn started strong and finished with a bang. Even when I thought his night might be over on Saturday when Darling busted him smoking,... he was right back into action within 15 minutes. Congratulations Lubahn, on this year's 2007 Lakehouse M.V.P. Award. Overall Grade: A+++++


Past Winners:

Spring 2005 - Adam Williams
Labor Day 2005 - Brian Weiss
Memorial 2006 - Adam Faust

The nominations are based on those that I had the funniest pictures of.... Thank you for a great time. I can't wait to hear about all of the things I don't remember.

MAgner video.....very funny

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=828473859196079290&pr=goog-sl

I feel like weiss already knows about this guy

this Alger's Frenchie is only 5 fuckin 11 & peep what he does

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GszNJ1NCWo

OH SNAP

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4414799741098232773

Say what you will about Mazur, the guy captures character with a camera.

Chicago

here are most of my pics. my computer shit it's pants when trying to upload a pic of (surprise surprise) my Jamaican friend williams. ..yeah mon i'll have the others up by 2011 mon.
no one die mon.

I don't know if any of you checked the Weather Channel today, but if you did, you saw today's terrifying forecast: Simultaneous eruptions of Volcano Adam and Volcano Chambers in...

THE NATURAL DISASTERS MATCH

How do you go from dormant and docile to violent and venomous? Well, here's a little story about two calm cats with self-restraints equivalent to Ike Turner and Tupac from that movie Juice.

In the spring of 2001, a young raver white bleached hair, wearing 19 rubberbands, Abercrombie shorts and Adidas Gazelles, entered a home on Trail Lake, owned by Adam `Cats in the Cradle' Vesuvious. Immediately, tensions were high. Why you ask? Chambone, the aforementioned raver, walked into his new home to find his exact replica: a young raver with white bleached hair, wearing 19 rubberbands, Abercrombie shorts and Adidas Gazelles. `Is this a mirror?' Chambone pondered. It is in their similarities that the magma heated.
Video games: check
Bong rips: check
Stray girls: check
Excessive jewelry to draw attention to oneself due to a reasonable spoiled upbringing: check

It was evident they had much in common, however, Vesuvius Faust was irked. `How could this stranger be so similar to me? I am so unique and different. I mean look at me, I wear pink bandanas and pretend to speak French.''
Chambers, however, was ``Too busy'' to think of such nonsense. Plus, due to his insufferable chronic fatigue syndrome, he was only awake 11 minutes a day during this era.
Nonetheless, after several angst-ridden hours at Thrift Town, Vesuvius Faust still could not find clothing that distinguished him from his glow-stick yielding new roommate. When Vesivius returned home that day, he smoked 11 cigarettes to calm himself, but, as he put the last one out on his palm, ``Too tired'' McRaves emerged from his cave for his 5:45pm Fruit Loops. It was there, in the Trail Lake #1 kitchen, where the inner-magmas of these two natural disasters could no longer be contained...

FIGHT

Chambers, slouched and droopy-eyed at the table, labored over his Fruit Loops, yawning between bites and lethargically telling Vesivius about his previous day, where, in 11 minutes, he got high, went to Whataburger, met a chick in the drive-thru and took her to his mattress layer. Chambone, then, as his 11 minutes ended, fell face-first into his fruit loops. The milk erupted from the bowl and splattered onto the Huka, Faust's picture of him, Travis Ferris and Eric Stack at Woodsie and his front row Gold Member season passes to the Mavericks for the next 9 seasons, including postgame massages from the players during TV timeouts. BOIL! BOIL! BOOM! TRENDY! Vesuvius Faust exploded, slapping Chambers on the back of the head to wake him. Chambers put his head up, ``Dude, what the fuck is your problem? I'm sooo tired and way tooo busy to deal with this.''
``DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID?'' Vesuvius asked. ``My Daddy bought me these tickets and this shirt, plaid pants, house, eccletic shoes and common household kitchenware, and you just take it for granted because you're not as spoiled as me.''
``Oh yeah,'' Chambone said, but was interrupted by a phone call from Lauren. After 114 consecutive ``I love you more''s, Chambers returned to Vesuvius. ``What were you saying dude? I'm a puppy, and I'm in love. Ruff-ruff.''
This enraged Vesuvius even more because, when Vesivius speaks, all ears in the zip code must heed attention! Unfortunately, Chambone listens to know one. Vesuvius yelled ``You will listen to me because I talk loudly!'' And, to force Chambone to listen, he opened chambers Adderrall 160Mg pills, grabbed Chambers peanut head and slammed the potent pills into Matthew's nose. The taste of these familiar focus meds enlivened Chambone, but also made him irritable, and so he retaliated. Bone removed his rubberband necklace and shot it at Faust's Frat gut. The rubberband hit it's target (obviously) and Faust, in his typical Shakespearan manner, yelled in agony ``My life was for thee Piper-fect!'' and fell to the floor, acting as if such a simple welt was like a machete wound. Faust then rolled to-and-fro, making loud noises to assure the spotlight remained on him. However, Faust forgot, he was dealing with Chambone, who became distracted by the Deftones song on the radio. He then went into full-chaotic raver-ball pass dance, which he Atilla, Orphan Sasha dog and JJ `Joy Juice' Giggles-to-loud performed while watching Fantasy Island.

When Vesuvius stopped faking serious injury, he opened his eyes and saw no one. No Daddy, No Mommy, No Piper, No attention. This crushed Vesuvius, who began to cry on his ``Blatantly Obscure Company'' t-shirt. Then, dejected, he returned to his room to listen to the ``Dandelion Hermaphodites'' until Piper came over to yell him back to manliness. However, when Chambers heard the Dandelion Hermaphodites song ``Nipple Canteloupe'', he had a flashback and entered Faust's room, where Vesuvius cried in his bathtub. Bone said to Faust ``Dude, you're sitting in Atilla's pee''.

Vesuvius jumped out as Chambers fell into a drug-induced laughing spell. Faust, angrily wiped his tears, which to his surprise, were rainbow colored. With a wet rainbow tear, Faust slapped the Adderall spasming Bone, who fell into the bathtub of Attila's Golden shower. The pee woke Chambers from his flashback and he tackled Vesuvius to the floor. Bone then rubbed his chin stubble across Faust's blubbery face. The feel of facial hair was foreign to Vesuvius, who began to scream ``Daddy! Daddy!'' Unfortunately, for Vesuvius, his Dad was busy lecturing Lubahn on the poor decision to get high on the Anatole premises while bumping the common White Guy Rap Songs CD, which Mazur burned for him. However, Randall Chambers did hear the screams, and came in to inspect the situation. When he found Bone atop Vesuvius, his heart ceased, as homosexuality to a Baptist is like English to a San Antonio native; Unnatural and misunderstood. Randall Chambers collapsed and Bone leaped off Faust to rescue Randall. As Chambers began resucitating Randall from Homo Induced Cardiac Arrest, Vesuvius, became gayngry at the lack of attention. He returned the kitchen, grabbed the Huka and ran back into his room, where Chambers was looking at Fantasy Football; he got distracted. Vesuvius crept behind Bone and wrapped a Huka cord around his neck. Vesuvius then lit the bowl and, as he inhaled, Bone's head erupted from his body. His mini-head then rolled to the floor, where Attila did the ``Butt-itch wheelbarrow walk'' across Chambers decaying head. Then, as Faust got high to forget the wretched pain, Daddy Warbucks Faust entered and cleaned up both the Chambers's bodies as Golden Boy Vesuvius rearranged his argyle sock drawer.

END FIGHT

These just keep getting weirder.

Six fights remain:

Miller v. Faust in the Arctic Circle Match: Polar Bear vs BiPolar

Weiss v. Portillo in the Battle of the Eyebrows

Mazur v. Williams in the Crude Cage Match: Crude Oil vs. Crude Behavior

There is a triple fight for the final, and, a la WWF final, even those eliminated may resurface from the shadows...

I thought I'd stir up a little trouble.

Faust your head is like an orange on a toothpick.

Bear remember that time Her Bearness kissed Williams and liked it.

Mazur...I have dibbs on Lubahn pulling out a shank and then down goes Mazur. (Don't get a big head Lubahn b/c we really aren't friends. I flipped a coin on this one.)

Faust scratches and doesn't punch b/c he likes every color of the rainbow. He also has a poster of Richard Simmons above his bed.

Later

Hip Hop Artist of The Year - Bone

P.s. I may be headed to Norway for four days so probably will not be at the lake until Friday.

I give you The Wild Hog Catching Contest in Sabinal, Texas

LAKEHOUSE 2007: BATTLE ROYAL

All this fight talk has me thinking this Lakehouse trip could be trouble. We all got a lot of love for one and other, but as we know- it is a thin line between love and fight.

So, who is most likely to allow harmless tomfoolery to turn to an all out brawl.



Mazur & Lubahn- Their parallel lives seem to mirror one and other but these two have some serious demons to summon. They have a history of kicks and punches, but nothing that can be classified as a fight, yet.

Faust & Chambers- Chambers has voiced his dislike repeatedly for me as of late. These two volatile cats could go to war for the most ludicrous of reasons.



Williams & Bear- This Katie Clay kissing thing just isn't over. Bear does not forgive easily. And Williams loves nothing more than to bring up issues that he knows are of the highest sensitivity.

Vaughn & Brown - Vaughn's got a loose tongue and she is more than likely to bring up a certain indiscretion of Brown's that he would rather forget.

Clay & Darling - Because that would be awesome.