HI FRIENDS

I know I post my stupid writings often, but these are somewhat of an exception. I hope that, throughout your day, when needing a cheap laugh, you'll stop by here to read a spoof story. Don't try to read them all in one sitting, for tired-head could occur. Also, I submitted them to Q101, a pretty money station here and they've been reading them in the morning. So smiles...

- Denver is the only US city that has not heard of the increased temperatures stemming from global warming. Most likely because they're under 19 inches of snow.

- After Monday’s 115-mph blizzard winds, only weeks removed from two devastating December blizzards, Denver citizens were seen doing a `Global Warming Dance’ to summon the alleged Earth warming wrath of 2007.

- In an interview Monday, Bears Linebacker Brian Urlacher confessed his concern with Sunday’s playoff game: ``Well, they have a lot of weapons,’’ Urlacher said, ``Like Shaun Alexander, Matt Hasselbaeck and Grossman.’’ A reporter answered ``But Grossman’s on your team’’, to which Urlacher asked ``He is?’’

- Still in a recovery phase after Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans residents were pleased to learn that the threat of killer bees was actually just a Wu Tang Clan reunion tour.

- Disney’s Tigger, who pimp-pawed a dorky 14-year old over the weekend, explained the battering by saying ``Thinking of all those years tormented by lame Christopher Robin really brought out the non-queer tiger in me’’.

- Governor Rod Blagojevich officially began his second term as Illinois Governor yesterday in Springfield. Despite investigations of wrongdoing, Blagojevich assured the audience he was a ``goodfella’’ and was ecstatic to be ``made’’ a second time.

- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn sat on the same row at the People’s Choice Awards Tuesday night. Sitting between them: an enormous pink elephant.

- It was rumored that actress Nichole Ritchey, who wears a size `Double 0’, was seen buying Fruit Loops yesterday afternoon. When asked if she was eating again in 2007 she replied ``No, I’m just buying some new belts.’’

- Johnny Depp appeared on the People’s Choice Awards via satellite to accept his Award as Best Male Actor. Depp was donning a velvety jacket and speaking in his new dialect: CoolMysterious-ish.

- Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Jobs also mentioned his idea for his next invention, the Idog, which combines the attributes of Lassie, Benji and Clifford in a Chihuhua’s body.

- The Malibu fires ravaged and destroyed the Oceanside home of actress Suzanne Somers, Tuesday. Just goes to show you that the old boy scout adage of rubbing two Thigh Masters together to start a fire really does work.
OR
The Malibu fires ravaged and destroyed the Oceanside home of actress Suzanne Somers, Tuesday. Just goes to show you that Thigh Masters really does make you feel the burn.

- Reality show `Armed and Famous’ is set to premiere Wednesday night on CBS. The show stars Jack Osbourne, LaToya Jackson and Jason `Wee Man’ Acuna. In a late edit, the show has been re-named `Drugs, Surgery and Midgets’.

- Robin Williams won an award for comedy with the movie `RV’, which went directly to video. Williams, who salaciously rubbed Halle Berry and Queen Latifah on his way to the microphone, spoke for five minutes of his stint in rehab and his comedic influences. There was actually a point in the speech where, if you put your ear close enough to the TV, you could actually hear his career end.

- Queen Latifah hosted the People’s Choice awards Tuesday night. Queen, who was voted in by the 9 people who actually watched the awards, beat out Alf in voting 5-4. Alf did however appear via satellite from Melmac to accept his lifetime achievement award.

- Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Lacking on the Iphone however: common sense.

- 47-year old man, David Sullivan, was bitten by a scorpion Monday on his flight home from Chicago to Vermont. Sullivan, who apparently refused to put his tray table up while landing on an earlier flight, shivered in terror when he learned the scorpion’s name: Karma McTrayTable.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Jobs made mention of his next invention: the Iidea. Which is actually just the word `Idea’ on a post-it note. I just figured if Iput Iin front of Ianything, Iwould sell Ithousands. Im an Iidiot.