Due to excessive lengths and a waning battle series, it's been decided that fights are shortened to crown the eventual winner and remove the Blog pause stemming from the series. That said, buckle up for dollar signs and corporate chaos in

THE WALL STREET FIGHT

HISTORY

These two fiananciers have a deep rooted history and, though from the same hometown of Guadalajara, Texas, they didn't cross paths until locking horns as Business School rivals in Harry `Potatoes' Echols Operational Managament course at `THE' TCU. Though their firey academic competitive rivalry boiled at 9:30 on Tu/Th, the real friction brewed at the location of today's fight: The legendary, revered, loved and thoroughly longed for: West Lowden Estates.

How the fight came to be: After a long day of cramming for Echols midterm, though Matt Lopez gave them the scantron answers two days prior, Clinton and Michael Texas T-Rex calmed their nerves with a few rips from an old deceased friend, Baby Blue Bong. After stoning themselves silly, Michael rummaged in the fridge and found the last remaning CockRoach and lettuce sub. T-Rex devoured the sub and washed it down with a full bladder of Franzia, that had an expiration date of 1987. Clinton, a tad peaved with the consumption of the last cockroach, was fortunate enough to find a tarantula bar, which appeased his appetite.

However, it was then the quarrel erupted.

When Clintonian returned to his lair, he found a drunken T-Rex looking at his chest in Clinton's full-length mirror. As T-Rex pounded on his chest, he turned to Clintonian's bed side table and, without asking, slurped down the remains of a Brown Midnight Special: Chocolate Milk!! Knowing that no chocolate syrup remained, Brownie tried to grab the beverage to salvage a sip. However, when he did, the remaining Choco-Lactose spilled, coating Clint's nightime thriller ``Blade 9: Vampires Gone Wild''. T-Rex, knowing how incensed Clintonian would be, quickly turned to the computer to play the Jimmy Eats World classic ``Sweetness''. However, when he hit play, an unclosed Anime porn site popped up. Not only was Brown enfuriated at the porn selection of the hairy roommate, but, as Sweetness played Clinton yelled ``This song isn't on the MONSTER BALLADS ALBUM!!" At this point, T-Rex dropped, did two push ups and stood to face the wrath of Brown, the Stock Annihilator...

FIGHT!!

Clinton turned and looked at T-Rex, who, in terror, yelled ``MOM!!?'' to summon A-Chub from his patio-garden room. Unfortunately, A-Chub was busy plugging in cheat codes on Grand Theft Auto 3 and was too engaged to assist. Brownie then swung around, grabbed his bottle of LA Looks and doused Mazur's barren chest. Mazur, pleased to have a lube to accentuate his pectorals, began rubbing the gel and saying ``Ohh, you like that little kangaroo, don't you? Kangaroos like muscles, don't they janitor boy?'' Clintonian, confused by this, swiveled around again and grabbed his TI-83, which he threw at T-Rex's head, striking him and drawing first blood. T-Rex then yelled ``Now it's gettin' hood Monkey Blood!'' and quickly pressed play on Coldplay's ``Trouble'', Clinton's least favorite West Lowden jam. Brownie covered his ears in terror and Michael grabbed a comb and destoryed Clinton's impeccable hair, thus weakening the Annihilator, a la Samson. While Brown stood frazzled, T-Rex darted to his room and took his black-and-white still photos from his wall. As Clint charged down the hall, hair a mess, T-Rex began yelling ``Look, Art! Art! Art!'' Because Art is abstract and requires unquantifiable appreciation, Clint shrieked and retreated back in terror to his room. To avoid the charging, art-yielding T-Rex, Clinton wisely snuck through the connected closets, entering the patio layer of A-Chub. T-Rex, realizing he could go through the kitchen to meet Clint, darted the other direction. However, Brownie, again wisely, opened the inside window from the Patio Lair and threw six A-Chub bed tarantulas onto T-Rex. Before T-Rex could react, the tarantulas ate his leg flesh, leaving him with only bones. Clinton, thinking this was victory, cackle-laughed and sat in the den to watch the movie Heat for the 73rd straight day. Brown did not anticipate however, that though T-Rex's leg flesh was gone, his legs were now actually bigger! Encouraged by his new leg strength, T-Rex spotted Pterodactyl the cat scampering across the floor. With one quick volley, T-Rex kicked Pterodactyl onto Brown's face. Pterodactyl attacked Brown, clawing his face and, when done with him, took a viscious yellow diarrhea on his face. It looked like the end of Brownie, and Mazur went to celebrate with Portillo, who was in Clint's room, looting his closet and trying on his clothes. However, Clint, losing consciousness, got a small taste of the yellow doo-doo, and like Popeye is to Spinach, Clint is to Yellow excrement. This revitalized Clint. Brown then slyly snuck into Mazur's room and removed all of his tidy-whiteys from his drawers. Cackle-laughing, Clint ran outside with all of Michael's underwear, which he planned to donate to the Brite Divinity students. However, as Clint exited, a police light shone in his eyes and yelled `You with the underwear, Don't MOVE!'' Hearing this, T-Rex, Portillo, Mitchell, Pterodactyl, 128 cockroaches, 9 tarantulas, Andrew Olson, some girl from the Keg and A-Chub came running outside. It was there that T-Rex made his wisest move. As T-Rex exited onto the porch of West Lowden, he jumped on the Electro-Motor Scooter. He rode the scooter out into the yard and grabbed the undies from Clint. Laughing and yelling ``Kasalinghounmippie!'' he turned and looked back at Clint, unfortunately, an unidentified car was parked in front of the home. T-Rex slammed into the bumper of the car and lay sprawled out on the hood. Unexpectedly, a McCaro brother showed up on the scene and started rubbing T-Rex's groin. Clint began to cackle and ran with Mitchell to watch the molestation. However, as Brown and Mitchell ran to the scene, a 38-wheel cement mixer pulled onto the street. Everyone gasped and a loud crunch was heard. As the truck pulled away, only Mitchell emerged on the other side of the street. Clint was run over. His corpse was then deposited into the back of Kurt's truck, where Clint was laid to rest with Jon Edmonson, who died from Mole-aria and Air Conditioner vomiting. Though T-Rex was molested, Clinton Annihilator was dead, thus meaning...Mazur `Texas T-Rex' MOVES ON TO FACE WILLIAMS in ROUND 2, which is most anticipated matchup in tourney history!!

Oh, and this has 8 million inside jokes, but all are damn good stories of the glory days.

I like this tournament.

Outtie