TRENDS DON"T MAKE FRIENDS Hi caucasians. So yesterday, I went shopping for the first time since my Mom bought me an orange OP (Ocean Pacific) tee and Reebok PreSeasons.
I was aware of the Skinny-jeans trend of pop culture and have mocked it since it's inception. I thought I was just being a cynic, but by looking at them, I thought `They just look uncomfortable.' I think, if you are sacrificing comfort for trendiness or cool points, you are completely not cool.
So, yesterday, I found what I thought were cool jeans, in my size (48x44). They were in an assortment of colors, so I took three pair back to the changing room. I had no idea, but I'd just brought back, 3 pair of ...SKINNY JEANS.
I'm a big dude and have big legs (college nicknamed: Tree Trunks). In trying to pull the first pair up to my waist, the section that covers your thighs, got caught on my calves. By the time I got them up to my waist, I was sweating. After buttoning them and causing my testicles to groundhog back into my tummy, I looked into the mirror to observe my ridiculousness.
The pants were gray and, my first thought was: ``I look like I'm wearing Raulings Little League pants.'' It was awkward. All I needed were some stirrups, Pony cleats, a `Rowdies' jersey and Big League Chew.
As I exited the room, a girlie said `How did those work for ya?'
`Not.' I said. She laughed and I said, `I don't know how guys wear those things. I was afraid I'd never get them off.'
When I looked up, I saw a guy waiting in line for the fitting room. He'd heard me. I looked at his get-up: Spiked fro-hawk, Ramones T-shirt, studded belt and of course, ripped Skinny Jeans. He tried to ignore my glare, but when he made eye contact with me, I smirked. I realized two things: A) I had Skinny Jeans 17 years ago. They were called Wrangler's and I wore them on Pizza Friday. B) He probably sits on his balls a lot.
Lastly, Kevin, you in Skinny Jeans might be the most absurd thing ever witnessed. Unfortunately for Michael Mazur and Matt Chambers, they might still look like JNCOs.
7 comments:
Nice post, mate. Skinny jeans are no longer even a fad in London. They are the norm. And since I pride myself on being the fashion guru of the earth I had to try some for myself. I tried on at least ten pairs trying to convince myself that I could pull this off. But again, I'm a relatively large dude (to the skinny Brits) with big thighs and I ended up looking like a giant carrot.
Stay within yourself when it comes to fashion. If you're trying too hard it will look like you're trying too hard. And there's nothing worse than "Try Hards." Except for maybe war and disease.
never had an interest in even trying on skinny jeans. mainly b/c i have toothpicks for legs.
chambers
Chambers, you would be the perfect candidate for skinny jeans.
Williams, I’m glad someone else was called "Tree Trunks" besides me.
Faust, you wish you could wear skinny jeans.
P.S. Relaxed Fit = Skinny Fit in my life.
I really really do.
i will buy you a pair of those jeans if you'll wear them around me.
williams remember when you were part of the tight "skinny" shirt movement for ahh........shit 3 years too many.
I know you're right how could we forget. Stay away from gardens so the bee's don't remember how sweet your nectar can be.
no hate just hugs
Love the Ocean Pacific & JNCO's reference.
I think the heroin makes your balls shrink allowing the coffee shop revolutionary anti-establishment neo nazi punks to actually be comfortable in those constrictive dungarees. I love when I see 'emo' kids shop for jeans in the women's section. I want to spit on those trustifarians and slit their throats.
BTW, and this is no joke. Eric Stack's display name on myspace is, and I shit you not, "STACKULA".
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