What was widely believed as true for many years has finally been confirmed. Ray Lewis eats other people. Lewis was seen eating a Caucasian elderly lady Tuesday afternoon. Lewis evidently succumbed to his fetish while at the Baltimore Zoo. The witnesses were twenty-three second graders, their chaperons, and LeBron James. Apparently, while viewing chimpanzees, Mr. Lewis form tackled the eight-three year old into a barbed fence. The lady died from fright one second before the form tackle. After the form tackle Mr. Lewis stood over her screaming, “Get up bitch”, he then went into his “electric” dance that he regularly performs every Sunday during football season. After his dance which lasted exactly 5 minutes too long he started to eat the women’s shoulder. Two elephants and one rhino were used to apprehend Mr. Lewis after multiple attempts by every officer in the greater Baltimore police force. They also tried shooting Mr. Lewis but apparently he’s bullet proof. That’s when Rufus Cockamaney the elephant trainer suggested using the services of Long Dong and Bethsheba the elephants, and Caterpillar the Rhino. After breaking Caterpillar’s face and throwing Long Dong into the polar bear pool Bethsheba was able to handcuff Mr. Lewis by whipping him into submission with her trunk. Long Dong was later killed by the polar bears. The twenty-three second graders were witnesses to this as well.