Corporate Lingo - These are pretty funny, as a recruiter I see/hear a lot of this and most are very true.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
12 comments:
I think "being able to multitask" means you should have attention deficit disorder.
Also, on the poll, could you add "never heard of either of them" or "don't care because ever since the filatova membership expired, internet girl watching has never been the same".
I also am anti-fake "tits". It's pathetic. All females with fake breasts are despicable. All of them. As the great comedian Daniel Tosh once said, "fake breasts are an exterior representation of the interior: Fake."
Quoting Tosh?! This is blasphemy coming from you A-Dub! Quit riding the fence like some whack ass wranglers and pick a side already.
Back to the tits. I know these three whores (not really ladies of the night but clubrats nonetheless) and after one of said females got her tits done all of the other skank friends followed suit. They make me want to vomit when we hang out. Its all about Big Naturals.
It was a joke quoting Tosh. I watched his standup, liked that line, and then he killed the joke.
:(
So close too...
Does anyone know anyone they respect with fake boobs?
I do not.
i condemned fake breasts after my mothers double mastectomy. played with some, no satisfaction.
I do not condemn fake Boobs at all. If a chick needs to get bigger boobs to help her self-esteem/body image fine. I do draw the line at watermelons, but all in all not a big deal to me.
It is no different than some vain ass dude that works out everyday to have 6 pack abs and C cup breasts IMO.
Let's head off the "well she bought them" argument now because it doesn't matter they are intended for the same purpose...self esteem, vanity, attractiveness, etc
I am in complete agreement with Lubahn. If there was a surgery that would guarantee I get laid 5x more often, there is a good chance you would find me in the doctor's office. Beats the shit out of going to the gym, especially when you don't have the time for it.
I bet no one has fake breasts in Bhutan.
fuck fake.
I have no problem if a girl has no boobs and wants boobs and therefore buys fake boobs. Thats cool with me.
I don't like the "idea" of fake boobs.
But I can't seem to stop starring at boobs- real or fake.
B2OP (Back to the original post- One day I will be famous for starting this internet slang)
Lubahn said he "see/hears this a lot." I am confident that he has also said every one of these statements. Confirm or deny, Brent?
B2SP (Back to secondary post) - I dont like fake boobies.
Brown, go get a dick implant. They do that now. They can make it longer or fatter. Completely your call. You will have to wear bike shorts out to the bars to flaunt your purchase, but well worth it.
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