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I'm needy...

http://www.hoopswriters.com/index.php?option=com_content&Itemid=2&task=view&id=97

Zzzzz....

Indulge me friends....

http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/highschool/football/cs-061103libertyville,0,2881701.story?coll=cs-hs-football-print

Love,
Tony Kornheiser

PS - Viva la Chicago - 55 days or so...Weiss, get on board

Kudos to Weasel!


As you can see Weiss does appear to have all the qualities of an MVP. The intense "I want to do bad things to this philly" stare. As well as, the index finger belt loop pull. A move patented by A Dub when thrusting girls on the dance floor.

It's nice to see you have a sex-crazed-intense guy underneath all that sugary sweet exterior.

Long live Evil Weiss.

Ghost Bar - Saturday Night

I second a few things Bear said. First that this Vegas trip was one of the best in a long time. Sorry mazur but not starting off the trip losing a lot of money put everything on the right track for me. Second, Weiss really was the MVP. For a plethora of reasons. Some of which I visually document here. Not that Miller was not wonderful. Because deciding to come up and talk shit to the people standing next to me every time he found me playing craps is cool, it's just not MVP cool. The first time was the best where after screaming "Loaded Dice!" everytime someone rolled, a guy walked up, put his money down and was getting ready to play as miller leans in and says in his ears "Get your fucking guyavara out of my face." The man turns around and tells him, "I will have you kicked out of hear so fast.". Of course one of the best thing about craps is when the entire table wins together. So nothing made that table hotter then the brotherly love brought on by the MVP runner up.

So the first photo of Weiss seen here is one of my favs.
This was saturday night at the ghost bar. The things that really make this pic happen are 1) The face- nothing more can said, 2) the double fister, you should get a making it happen award for that 3) the spill on his shirt. I never saw you spill that night weiss but we have the evidence to prove it and the best of all 4) the bouncer in the background saying "Another fucking broke ass white boy who is overly excited about getting in". Everytime I am in vegas from now on, I'm going to the Palms, gamlbing there, playing there and bringing weiss.






So I follow that shot up with the hommie on the left. This was only a rondom shot of my lady dancing. But upon further review I noticed that it show weiss in full slump beaking action. We can't see the lady he was danvcing with but unlike other clandestine photos of people on the IC, we can be 100% sure that it is not mcrea. (Mazur please tell mccrea the next time you and her IM each other that she earned 2 reference this week on the IC)

To further stroke the Johnson of B-dub I have to include this photo to the right. Nicely done weiss. The best thing about this photo is after the club we were sitting in the Palms casino (last photo below) looking at all my photos and after seeing this one Weiss asks "Oh my God! Was this tonight?" Yes that was that night weiss. It looks like the double fist did its duty.

Oh ya, and Miller was arrested on Saturday.

VEGAS TALK:

Let's see....

Thursday, November 2.

Katie and I arrive at 9:30 PM, check into the Monte Carlo. Rolling high class baby! Blackjack until about 1:30 AM, Lost $50.

Friday, November 3.

Check out of Monte Carlo at 11 AM, head to Travel Lodge arrive at 11:30. (Rollin low class, very low class)

Weiss arrives promptly at 3PM. Gambling and drinking begin.

Portillo arrives at 5PM, 8 hours later than he promised. Spurs game watching party at The Wynn Hotel. Weiss and I take Spurs -5.5 (eventhough we knew Spurs suck at back-to-back games). Spurs lose, I'm pissed, Portillo and Weiss don't care for some reason.

Megan and her boyfriend (Michael Peatross) arrive at 10PM. More drinking ensues at Travel Lodge.

Marc Miller and Mark Hagan arrive at 11 PM - bruised and battered. Head down the strip to Imperial Palace.

Stop at beer stand for $2 draft. Weiss and I "merge" in line with Katie. Metrosexuals (one who looks roided up) behind us aren't pleased. They talk shit, Weiss talks back, nothing happens. "Where is Miller when you need him" - Weiss says.

Gambling and drinking from 12-1AM. Weiss plays about 7 hands of blackjack with Whitney Houston dealer, doubles his cash, tosses a $5 token at Whitney, then leaves a winner. Puts $20 on black as he screams aloud "I always bet on black", and loses.

The 9 of us then head to Harrahs 1AM - ????. I lose about $250-$300, betting like an idiot. Weiss hits on a girl from Baylor, does well until Michael Peatross tells girl that Weiss has a HUGE cock. Blur, blur, blackjack, blur, craps, more blur, video poker, blur.

Loss of Memory. Video evidence shows: Walk back to travel lodge, Weiss breakdances as we walk by live band, seawalking included. (Portillo please post this asap)

Back at hotel, Weiss, Miller, Hagan, Katie, and I get retarded high off some weed Portillo gave me. I passed out


I am sure I left out a lot, so please feel free to add (Miller, Weiss, Portillo) I have to get back to work. I'll let someone else go over the events for Saturday (I know Weiss wants to tell us about the girl he met at The Palms). All and all, one of the best trips in recent memory.

MVP: Brain "Borat" Weiss

Lesson Learned: Never stay at the Travel Lodge in Las Vegas.

Which of the items do you recognize?

Many of you were not here to witness Williams truck after the Red Dawg. It was red, and it was a truck, but that was about it. It was so small he had to cut a hole in the floor and pedal with his legs....

The popcorn, Lubahn?

The Slurpee, Mazur?

The milk, Chambers?

Carptenter posted these classic conversations in our fantasy league. I hope you find it as funny as I did....

During this past weekend, anyone who was over at Cleveland's house on Friday night got graced by Scotty G's presence. Let me tell you, it was classic. Here are how a couple of conversations went with the motivational speaker for car salesmen (that is his job now).

Nystrom: What's up Scott. Did you just get here?
Glasscock (after surveying the crowd): I am the baddest mother f-cker here aren't I?
Nystrom (completely shocked and confused): Wow

Me: What up Scotty G? What are you up to now?
Glasscock: Pretty much nothing.
Me: Wait, so you are looking for a job?
Glasscock: No, I have a job. I pretty much just sit on my couch and collect the paycheck! Me (Wanting to say, "Wait aren't you a motivational speaker for used car salesmen? Instead, walked away.)

On another side note: here is the conversation I had with Benson that same night:
Me: What up Scott? How are things?
Benson: What up Cleveland? Doing alright?
Me (deciding to go with it): Yeah, things are good.....good to see you.

The funny thing was that we were at Cleveland's house and Scott was calling me Cleveland....I guess we weren't that good of friends after all.

Who knew Carpenter was such a student of the human condition?

Alright, I've been thinking about this one for some time now. Not that I've had any awkward moments of my own lately, but, working weekends in a bar can expose you to a plethora of nauseating and painful interactions between genders.
Last night, for example, a girl was dressed as Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby. An unknown guy approached her and pretended to punch her repeatedly in the face. After a slight laugh, she realized this was his best attempt at conversation, however his Ike Turner-esque barrage continued for about 12 jabs. She looked at me (the bouncer) and said, ``Who the fuck is this guy?''.
Hearing her, he responded, ``C'mon, you know all girls like to be hit.''

She yelled ``Ugh, get the fuck away from me!'' as she stormed by. I stood awkwardly as he ``Glascocked'' his way out of it, acting as if he didn't care but deep down felt ashamed to not have anything more creative to induce conversation.

It made me think: What are the all-time most awkward/terrible moments myself or my IC friends have had with a female? I say we all give our top moment and vote on who's is the worst.

Here's mine:

Now please, this is my worst, please do not pass judgement. It actually pains me to admit this...

After a long afternoon at SMU for the Iron Skillet game, I drunk phoned Kristin, my recent ex who dumped me weeks before. After agreeing to see me, I arrived horribly drunk and stammering at her door. There, I confronted her about ``Sucking her new boyfriend's dick'' and, after crying, she called me Andrew, her new boyfriend's name. To compound one of the worst days of my life, I returned to a friend's apt and lied on the floor in tears. Passing out from the booze, I managed to write text messages to Kristin reading ``You look like you've gained weight'' and ``I hope Andrew like fat chicks''.

Yep. That's my worst. Not exactly awkward, but awful, awful, evil. Coming in a close second are:
The time Heather `Header' Zak rejected me, the time a girl accidently hit my erect member in eighth grade science or the time I told a girl I wouldn't ever hit her, but I'd ``shake the shit out of her''.

Bring it boys. Purge your worst. I think Faust made Piper throw-up and Portillo probably gave somebody a Dirty Sanchez along the way.

Also, probably a good week to keep the lady friends off the IC. But you never know, they could enjoy them...

Dubbers

i see that my lack of contribution to the blog has everyone talking politics. i don't vote, and probably never will except on a rural-municipal level. please suggest anything you fellas believe i may have some worthwhile, or facetious, whichever, opinion relevant or not to a topic. i know y'all are jock itching to read some of my ramblings.

did butz really get the boot?

it'd be cool if we could get, like, a new quote at the bottom every once in a while, even if it's still jack kerouac. chuck palahniuk's up our alley, hemingway was a drunk, etc...

john wayne gacy jr. for president...

WHY FAUST IS MOVING TO LONDON



Faust is pregnant. That's right people, Faust has a baby growing in him. Turns out a skull fuck from Kirt can impregnate a kitchen table. This is what rich people do when their children get pregnant out of wedlock (His dad owns 1,000 luxury hotels). They send them places far far away from everyone they know. God forbid some family friend see pregnant Adam walking around the Galleria shopping for maternity clothes. To spare the family name Faust agreed to move to London for twelve months where he will give birth to his and Kirt's child. The whole Piper artsy fartsy thing is a huge cover up. When Adam returns from London he's gonna tell everyone he was inspired by all the famous people making adoptions to make an adoption of his own. He's gonna name the kid Apricot Sylvester.

The reason the ad for Harold Ford Jr. peaved me was that he is from Memphis and is the poor black south's Barrack O'bama (heard of him Lubahn?). I saw him speak last year and he gives a lot of hope to the Memphis slums, poverty, and other things our little prissies asses will never know about...Also, the white woman asking for his number has created a lot of inter-racial dating tensions. Oh by the way, I humped a girl named KORVETTE.

I'm interracial.

LASTLY, you want f'ed up Ads. Watch THIS ONE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9WB_PXjTBo

Family ties...

ATTACK (F)ADS NEED OUT...

http://guerillawomentn.blogspot.com/2006/10/gop-aims-sleazy-blonde-bimbo-ad-at.html

This is atrocious. How polarized is our ridiculous political culture? What happened to integrity? Attack ads are the most juvenile, pathetic and self-degrading schemes, and yet they continue to spiral downward. Can a politician not garner enough respect from being him/herself that they revert to vomit-worthy tactics that smear their party more than aid their campaign?

Let's get political. Chambers, thoughts?

GUY MOVIES at Their Best…. Can’t Miss Comedies.

The Matador – This movie was overlooked by many when it arrived a few years ago (including myslef). It is an uncomfortable comedy starring the underrated Greg Kinear, and Pierce Bronson at his personal best. It is a guy movie, but still very smart. I hate how Anaconda or Last Action Hero are considered guy movies. I guess they assume most guys are mindless boobs. A



Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – Chambers has been on me to see this one as he was very proud of his discovery. Well, the skinny kid was definitely on to something. From the writer of the Lethal Weapon, KKBB is filled with sharp dialogue and a stellar cast. Robert Downey, Jr. is one of my favorite actors of all time and Val Kilmer plays a wonderful fag. And, Michele Monahan is a striking beauty. A-

Put it on your NetFlix que or head up to your local Blockbuster (while it still exists.)

So tomorrow is day one of my latest gig: A roofer assistant for Spencer Roofs, my uncle's company.

I'm going to get hurt. But at least it's a warm 37 tonight.

Please be my best friends and read the following: http://www.jargonchicago.com/

Have a nice day in your offices gentilemen.

MAZUR, here is the post you've been waiting for: the AW gets canned post. Unfortunately, I wrote a page and a half diatribe that did not publish and was erased. I said some choice words and will now simply highlight the firing process without as much bitter disdain and rage than painted in the first post.

A) Monday, Ocotber 2: A-Chub goes to work and is three of seven members of `team' at work. Chub does reasonable amount of work. Not much, but enough.

B) Tuesday, October 3, 3:42p.m.: A-Chub is called in by boss Nurse Ratched, known for her exposed plump, milky boobs and snarling disposition. Pretty professional. Ratched says they are there to discuss ``serious matter'', A-Chub is concerned that PG-13 emails sent to girl he's been dry-humping have surfaced. Ratched is accompanied by Orphan Annie HR look-a-like.

B) Tuesday, October 3, 3:44p.m.: Chub is deemed ``Terminated'' by Ratched, citing poor work performance on previous day (again, 4 of 7 absent) and tardiness. Chub counters with justification, which, at that time is quelled by HR skank saying ``This is more of a notification, not a discussion Mr. Chub.''

Chub: ``So I can't defend my case. I signed in at 9 because I had a meeting at 8:30''

HRore: ``Again Mr. Chub, this is a notification, not a discussion.''

Mr. Chub laughs disillusioned and looks at Ratched, who will not make eye contact with the Alpha Chub. Chub sarcastically says ``Bye Heidi'' as she exits.

Tuesday, October 3, 3:54p.m.: Whorphan Annie follows Chub to his cube and watches over him as he collects his items. Chub wants to shout out and damn the conformist, dead-souled, aspirationless troglodytes of Initrode, he however, is a conformist as well, and he tucks his Rooster tail between his legs and begrudingly shuffles through the door. As he leaves, Whorphan Annie takes his Initech key card and he gives a Nixon-esque wave as the elevator doors close.

Two weeks later, the Chub has been lowered to claiming Unemployment benefits, picking up a part-time Bar gig, applying at Starbucks (no reply) and interviewing at Bubbles Baby Academy. He's humbled but durable. No calls have been made to Mom or IC friends yet. Be Afraid.

Say mahn, Lemme hold a dolla...

Portillo,

Thanks for the info on the hotels in Vegas. Looks like I will be staying at the Knight's Inn on Thursday night.

And by the way, I just got your message from last night and found out:

1.) You can't go to Vegas
2.) You girlfriend broke up with you
3.) You lost your job

That sucks, Im sorry hear about all three of those. It's also too bad you are completely full of shit. Have you ever heard the story of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'? If not, I suggest you check it out. Might be good for you.

KevinBear

The Inner Circle

Peep this deleted clip from the new Borat movie...can't wait..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQhfGniF6t0

Jagshemesh!

MY NEW JOB!

Hi friends. I got a new job. Here it is: http://www.theheckler.com/

The Make-It, Take-It story is by yours truly. Feel free to comment on the story so my editor thinks I'm a somebody.

Mitch Albom