On a boat in Trinidad and Lubahn calls. Lubahn calls no one and when he does...wait he doesn't. I asked him if it was an emergency. He said no so I told him I had to work and hung up on him. We are friends.

P.s. I didn't have to work.

P.s.s. I'm just kidding Lubahn.

Ok, I'm going to be a dick. I think I'm a little biiter. Maybe because I am watching the Superbowl with British announcers. Could you imagine how anoying that is?

One of my roommates reminds me of Adam Stadler. He is actually much worse. He talk constantly even when he has nothing worth saying. he knows nothing about football. And these kind of people are miserable to watch the Superbowl with.

So, to entertain myself during the 2nd quarter I thought it would be fun to document how truly awful my roomate is.... word for word.....

12:29AM
"Have you seen the trailer for the Fantastic Four sequel?"

"Does your vagina hurt?"

12:30 AM

"Milk was a bad choice!" (from Anchorman)

"SUV commercials should have more hot chicks."

"Hey Stupid!"

"Peyton is tall. That helps him see more."

12:32 AM

"Do you want to do mushrooms this weekend?"

"Well, if not, then when?"

"Whatever, pussy."

12:34PM

"I'm going to see The Killers in Paris."

"I like!" (from Borat)

12:37AM

Falls asleep.... Wow, I didn't see that coming. My other roomamte just noticed and smiled. He didn't even make it to halftime. That's awesome. Now I can enjoy the game in peace. Cheers.

Headline aimed as us?:

Bush puts 'ic' back in 'Democratic Party'

Made me think of friends. Hugs.

Bear Down.

I am drunk you idiots. I love you guys the way any drunk friend loves his friends- wholeheartedly. And without proper discretion, without any fear of seaming over sympathetic or concerned. Becaus eI am concenred.

About Clint's hair being too wavy until it joins the Gulf of Mexico.
About Lubahn's baby growing thinking snakes are heavenly and doves are evil.
About Mazur making too much crude money and forgetting that he is a painter.
About Williams dizzying himself into oblivion.
About Weiss hiding in the desert until he wakes up in 2026.
About Portillo getting married to a wicked hot girl.
About Miller ending up on the cover of Time as "A Soldier's Story"
About Dalrymple if the Bears lose.

I am not concerned about Chambers. He will be fine.

There is love. It is quite real. Mazur has it. So does Brent. I'm sure Lee has something. I think I got it too. It's not like I thought. It is much cloudier. It is not red or white or blue. It is this cloudy orangish color. It is never fully distinguishable. It is there. Rght in fornt of you, but you can't quite touch it. You can feel it, but you can never hold it in your hand. That's why it is so mysterious.

I will pass out now.

The unfortunate day has come...............

Booya7 is no longer!

Williams is doomed..............


Round and Brown,
L

When I lived by a Mosque in FW, Mazur used to make remarks when we passed it as he took me home from work because I was so fat that the bench seat in my truck collapsed and all my tires went flat. I also ate my steering wheel.

Last week, I wrote some jokes for a radio station inspired by our resident `no boundaries' jokester. Here they are, and again, thanks Grand Dragon Mazur...

- Barrack Obama got his first taste of political smear tactics yesterday, as stories circulated that he attended a Muslim extremist school in Indonesia as a child. Obama denied the story on Dateline Aljazeera.

- Barrack Obama got his first taste of political smear tactics yesterday, as stories circulated that he attended a Muslim extremist school in Indonesia as a child. Though he confirmed he did attend an Indonesian school, he said he failed Pipe Bombing 101.

- Barrack Obama got his first taste of political smear tactics yesterday, as stories circulated that he attended a Muslim extremist school in Indonesia as a child. The Obama campaign smeared back, saying that Hilary Clinton lost her virginity at Muslim Extremist Woodstock.

THE DESERT

For those still suffering from post-Chicago depression, I have a solution for you: Brian "B-Dub" Weiss, Marc "(Insert Millerism)" Miller, and Kevin "Myself" Bear all in Scottsdale, Arizona for a weekend of even more debauchery. As of now, no females will be joining us, and you know what that means,..... lots and lots of butt sex. Because these plans are kind of last minute, I am not expecting any kind of big reunion like Chicago, however, it might be best suited to call this gathering a sub-reunion trip. Think of it like Nicorette Gum - just a quick fix until the next big kick.

The date of arrival for both Miller and I is Friday, February 16 (Three weeks from today) and departure will be Monday, February 19. Even though this is last minute, Southwest Airlines does offer discount prices from now until next Friday (2 + weeks before flights), so it might be worth checking out. Scottsdale is supposed to be the place to be these days, and the weather this time of year is unbeatable. I have spoken to Weiss, and he concurs, the more the merrier. So book your flights, mark your calendars, and I will see you all in the desert!

Today the assignment in class was to create a non-family tree with images or type. My British professer said try and not use people. But I had already begun to compile, designate, and navigate through who and how we were all connected. I chose each color specifically.

I want you to know that I am quite happy here in my first month. Piper and I are getting along well and being the only American in my class has been very cool.

I am reading a good book right now called, The Sportswriter.... and when I came across this sentence on the train tonight I knew I wanted to share it with all of you.

"The stamp of our parents on us and of the past in general is, to my mind, overworked, since at some point we are whole and by ourselves upon the earth, and there is nothing that can change that for better or worse, and so we might as well think about something more promising." - Richard Ford

I love you all very much. Good luck out there...

This is the exact moment when Bear found out Katie gave Williams a little peck on New Years Eve....

HI FRIENDS

I know I post my stupid writings often, but these are somewhat of an exception. I hope that, throughout your day, when needing a cheap laugh, you'll stop by here to read a spoof story. Don't try to read them all in one sitting, for tired-head could occur. Also, I submitted them to Q101, a pretty money station here and they've been reading them in the morning. So smiles...

- Denver is the only US city that has not heard of the increased temperatures stemming from global warming. Most likely because they're under 19 inches of snow.

- After Monday’s 115-mph blizzard winds, only weeks removed from two devastating December blizzards, Denver citizens were seen doing a `Global Warming Dance’ to summon the alleged Earth warming wrath of 2007.

- In an interview Monday, Bears Linebacker Brian Urlacher confessed his concern with Sunday’s playoff game: ``Well, they have a lot of weapons,’’ Urlacher said, ``Like Shaun Alexander, Matt Hasselbaeck and Grossman.’’ A reporter answered ``But Grossman’s on your team’’, to which Urlacher asked ``He is?’’

- Still in a recovery phase after Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans residents were pleased to learn that the threat of killer bees was actually just a Wu Tang Clan reunion tour.

- Disney’s Tigger, who pimp-pawed a dorky 14-year old over the weekend, explained the battering by saying ``Thinking of all those years tormented by lame Christopher Robin really brought out the non-queer tiger in me’’.

- Governor Rod Blagojevich officially began his second term as Illinois Governor yesterday in Springfield. Despite investigations of wrongdoing, Blagojevich assured the audience he was a ``goodfella’’ and was ecstatic to be ``made’’ a second time.

- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn sat on the same row at the People’s Choice Awards Tuesday night. Sitting between them: an enormous pink elephant.

- It was rumored that actress Nichole Ritchey, who wears a size `Double 0’, was seen buying Fruit Loops yesterday afternoon. When asked if she was eating again in 2007 she replied ``No, I’m just buying some new belts.’’

- Johnny Depp appeared on the People’s Choice Awards via satellite to accept his Award as Best Male Actor. Depp was donning a velvety jacket and speaking in his new dialect: CoolMysterious-ish.

- Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Jobs also mentioned his idea for his next invention, the Idog, which combines the attributes of Lassie, Benji and Clifford in a Chihuhua’s body.

- The Malibu fires ravaged and destroyed the Oceanside home of actress Suzanne Somers, Tuesday. Just goes to show you that the old boy scout adage of rubbing two Thigh Masters together to start a fire really does work.
OR
The Malibu fires ravaged and destroyed the Oceanside home of actress Suzanne Somers, Tuesday. Just goes to show you that Thigh Masters really does make you feel the burn.

- Reality show `Armed and Famous’ is set to premiere Wednesday night on CBS. The show stars Jack Osbourne, LaToya Jackson and Jason `Wee Man’ Acuna. In a late edit, the show has been re-named `Drugs, Surgery and Midgets’.

- Robin Williams won an award for comedy with the movie `RV’, which went directly to video. Williams, who salaciously rubbed Halle Berry and Queen Latifah on his way to the microphone, spoke for five minutes of his stint in rehab and his comedic influences. There was actually a point in the speech where, if you put your ear close enough to the TV, you could actually hear his career end.

- Queen Latifah hosted the People’s Choice awards Tuesday night. Queen, who was voted in by the 9 people who actually watched the awards, beat out Alf in voting 5-4. Alf did however appear via satellite from Melmac to accept his lifetime achievement award.

- Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Lacking on the Iphone however: common sense.

- 47-year old man, David Sullivan, was bitten by a scorpion Monday on his flight home from Chicago to Vermont. Sullivan, who apparently refused to put his tray table up while landing on an earlier flight, shivered in terror when he learned the scorpion’s name: Karma McTrayTable.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the new Iphone, which combines the Ipod, a cell phone and Internet access. Jobs made mention of his next invention: the Iidea. Which is actually just the word `Idea’ on a post-it note. I just figured if Iput Iin front of Ianything, Iwould sell Ithousands. Im an Iidiot.

LUBAHN

So, Lubahn and I don't talk much, but we like each other. Friday he calls and leaves a sincere message, and I return the call shortly. As expected, I don't hear from him again, as his four minute phone window had expired. Why Brent do you even own a phone? You live in a drawer.

So I ask, who in this group has the oddest phone habits? Who's are the best, who's are the worst?

A) Lubahn - High, scared, or eating toast, if it's not Melissa or a weed guy from Perotti's, don't waste your time leaving a msg.
B) Mazur - Expect an enraged, screaming burst of profanity and familially charged sacreligion around 2:15 on Saturday night. As for M-F, don't call between 5am and 11pm.
C) Poortillo, Poortillo, Poortillo - He's once, twice, three times a caller. When Lee wants you, he wants you like a kid named Broderick wants hot cheetoes. Can't pick up because you're at a funeral? Portillo considers all unanswered calls a screen, so he attempts to phone bully you to answer. Like Ferris Bueller trying to wake Cameron up, ``He'll just keep calling''. He'll also call high on midday Saturdays.
D) Chambers - It's 5:11 on Tuesday. Chambers is in traffic and your phone's ringing. Nothing makes the Bone more open for convo than a little Bumper-to-bumper. This may also account for his 19 accidents, including two counts of vehicular manslaughter on a mailbox and a girl named Tim.
E) Brown - Also a traffic caller, however better known for his intense bursts of conversation during work hours. Limit work hour calls to Brown to 3 seconds. Somehow, at the end of a wound up Brown convo, you're the one sweating. Call him at a calmer time, maybe post-``me-time'' which falls, well, pretty much anytime after he ``gets off'' work. Ewww...
F) Kevin - Given our rare phone convos, I'm needing more feedback from those who chat with you more often. You don't strike me as uber-phoney (not phony) but you're quick with the text. Due to job requirements, I assume your phone habits are business oriented, meaning they have a mission and, once accomplished, Peace Out.
G) Faust - You're probably on the phone right now. This guy is gabbier than your grandma at a peanuckel party. Put the coffee on and hit mute, Faust is calling. A consistent answerer and will leave guilt-inflicting messages to inspire a return call.
H) Weiss - Is it just me or does anyone else get Poltergeist Weiss voice when you call him in AZ? Due to a defect in his abode (also known as Trail Lake fever), when he talks to you from home, his voice cracks more than when we used to say ``nards''. He is, however, available at work, a solid listener and one hell of a model Eastern European American.
H) Millbone - ``I'm not much of a phone guy''. He's not, but the boy can text. He also doesn't get to the phone much due to his commitment to slaying Jihadian carrier pidgeons named Lance.
J) Williams - Usually a return rate between 65-85%, which in IC terms, is doo-doo-teronomy. He can gab, usually about only himself, and tunes out after inquiring about the other in the exchange. He's also a ``multi-talker'' meaning he often attempts to perform other tasks while talking, such as feed meerkats, shoot skeet (get it?), and shave MC Escher images into his chest hairs.

This was fun. Lubahn is the obvious worst, but, him excluded, who do you vote for? Let's discuss. Happy Monday IC.

Chicago

TUESDAY MORNING COMING DOWN

Well, I woke up Tuesday morning, and had a nasty stinging pain, in my head,
I'd drank the night away doing pony keg stands and smoking American Spirits, in my bed.

I looked around the Hilton and saw the remnants of a weekend with great friends,
Wondering what happened to Friday and why God made Monday come to an end.

I gathered my bag and stumbled out onto the elevator, a lonely drunk looking for a smile,
couldn't help but remember a dancing Bears tailgate and aimless walking on the Magnificent Mile.

As each floor descended, a weekend memory passed,
as I saw Michael laugh-humping Ashley, and felt angry Kevin, putting his foot into my ass.

As I walked into the foyer, alone and in stench,
I longed for Clint's giddy laugh and saw Miller mouth-spray us into a drench.

The El was no place to be a man in solitude,
where I could still feel Faust's charm, and wanted to hug Lee and say, `Hey, Sorry dude'.

I rounded the corner to my home, stopping suddenly, when I thought I saw one of my brethren,
sadly laughing to myself, knowing that I was the lone remaining member, of what had been a mighty Eleven.

I sat in my bed early that night, mourning the pain of the Tuesday evacuees,
and knew what we have is special, what we have here, as the mighty ICs.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but here on Wednesday I still mope around,
from that empty, hollow feeling, of Tuesday Morning Coming Down.

When Boise St. beat Oklahoma on Monday night, it was one of the best moments I think in college football history. For years I have been preaching against the words "Non-BCS Schools", and this game helped me solidify my argument.

Thank you Faust for not letting me go to the bathroom on 4th and 18 (the play before the Hook and Latter).

Every college footbal fan NEEDS to read this article and commit, it is a MUST-READ:

http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/sports/16373267.htm

Adam - Was there a pool at Japanaise?

Gentlemen, I will be the first to say it. I had a fucking great time this weekend. Certainly had its ups and downs but overall, couldn't have been much better.

I think the IC together on New Years needs to become an annual event. A tradition as they say here in Texas. While I probably won't be able to participate in the next one, unless it is in Argentina, I will definitely be at every one afterward. Any thoughts?

Interesting christmas present:
http://video.nbc.com/player.html?dlid=51289

Do you know your presidents?


George Washington, 1789-1797
John Adams, 1797-1801
Thomas Jefferson, 1801-1809
James Madison, 1809-1817
James Monroe, 1817-1825
John Quincy Adams, 1825-1829
Andrew Jackson, 1829-1837
Martin Van Buren, 1837-1841
William Henry Harrison, 1841
John Tyler, 1841-1845
James Knox Polk, 1845-1849
Zachary Taylor, 1849-1850
Millard Fillmore, 1850-1853
Franklin Pierce, 1853-1857
James Buchanan, 1857-1861
Abraham Lincoln, 1861-1865
Andrew Johnson, 1865-1869
Ulysses Simpson Grant, 1869-1877
Rutherford Birchard Hayes, 1877-1881
James Abram Garfield, 1881
Chester Alan Arthur, 1881-1885
Grover Cleveland, 1885-1889
Benjamin Harrison, 1889-1893
Grover Cleveland, 1893-1897
William McKinley, 1897-1901
Theodore Roosevelt, 1901-1909
William Howard Taft, 1909-1913
Woodrow Wilson, 1913-1921
Warren Gamaliel Harding, 1921-1923
Calvin Coolidge, 1923-1929
Herbert Clark Hoover, 1929-1933
Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1933-1945
Harry S. Truman, 1945-1953
Dwight David Eisenhower 1953-1961
John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 1961-1963
Lyndon Baines Johnson, 1963-1969
Richard Milhous Nixon, 1969-1974
Gerald Rudolph Ford, 1974-1977
James Earl Carter, Jr., 1977-1981
Ronald Wilson Reagan, 1981-1989
George Herbert Walker Bush, 1989-1993
William Jefferson Clinton, 1993-2001
George Walker Bush, 2001-

FLEX SCHEDULE

As part of the new "Flex Scheduling" on Sunday Night Football, NBC has announced its feature game will be the contest between the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers. Therefore, instead of the 12 o'clock time, the game will be played under the lights of Soldier Field at 7:15 P.M.

The "Flex Schedule" (which was introduced this season), has had an enormous amount of positive feedback to fans all around the country. All fans,... except the ones who have plans to go to the game. Especially the ones who have been making New Year's Eve plans for the past 2 months, especially the Bears fans who (to them) are playing a meaningless Week 17 game! These fans are taking it right up the fucking ass! Instead of having a typical noon game in Chicago, with plenty of time to prepare for the New Year’s night, these fans are going to have to sit at Soldier Field until roughly 10:30 - 11:00 PM.

I am one of these fans, and my day has just been shifted by the flex schedule. That leaves me with questions.... Will I have enough time to get to the bar? Will the bar let me in? Will I be without everyone who I want to be with (besides k. clay) when the clock strikes 12???????

Any suggestions?

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