FIGHT TIME
With another reunion on the horizon, it's time to get the ol' Blog kicking again. That said, with much talk about fighting, it's tourney time. Graphic Design team Faust will post an NCAA tourney style bracket the pits members of the IC in versus mode.
The tenative seeding is as follows:
1. Marcus Arelius Miller - AKA No Limit Solja
2. A ``The Incredible Pudgy Hulk' W
(Both 1&2 seeds receive byes into the second round. If you want to debate that, well, don't. We'll beat your brains in)
First Round Action:
BATTLE OF THE PLATES:
3 Seed: Lee `Japonais Chimichanga' Portillo VERSUS 10 Seed Brenton `Daddy Shin Kick' Darling.
- Portillo's fatality is petty theft (plates, cell phones, clothing, floss)
- Lubahn's fatalities are a Phone call and/or a Shin roundhouse
BATTLE OF THE BONG:
4 Seed: Bear `Rhino Calves' Dalrymple VERSUS 9 Seed: Brian `Arizona Crackti' Weiss
- Bear's fatalities are: a quick-witted Blog post, a `who kissed Katie' ass-kick, or making his opponent eat grass
- BW's fatality is injecting clorox into his opponents eyes or sensitive Message board defaming of his opponent
* BW is a dark-horse considering his partner is a blue-skinned flying Italian Dingo
WALL STREET FIGHT:
5 Seed Clint `Stock Any-ihilator' Brown VERSUS 8 Seed: Mikey `Texas Tea-Rex' Mazur
- Brown's fatalities include: Poisoning via Hair gel called the ``LA `don't' Look'', the 5AM wake-up call and, of course, the Yellow Stress-Induced Cleveland Steamer
- Mazur's fatalities include: The Pec flex to ya neck, The Scream of Terror that erupts your eardrums and the Excessive Insult, which crushes opponents souls
NATURAL DISASTER MATCH: WHEN VOLCANOS ERUPT
6 Seed Adam `0 and 8 Mate' Faust VERSUS 7 Seed Matt `Mutilating Mariner' Chambone
- Faust looks to get off the fight snide and earn his first victory with such fatalities as: Second Hand Lung Punch, The Vesuvius, where he violently tirades you unexpectedly, and/or Torture Tears, where after he listens to The Erotic Shoelaces album, he hurls poison tears at your skull.
- Chambone's fatalities include: The Rubber Band Strangler with his 41 wrist bands, the Chin Beard Rug Burn and Adderol Asphixiation, where he focuses for 11 hours on choking his opponent.
Let the games begin. Faust add pics.
Williams, get a life.
Out
11 comments:
My prediction for the first round.
Portillo over Lubahn. But Lubahn puts up a scrappier battle than expected.
Bear over Weiss. Bear is my dark horse to take the whole thing.
Brown over Mazur. Nobody wants to face Brown in later rounds.
Myself over Chambers. Maybe. It would be nasty.
Well done Mr. Williams, I haven't played this game since the famous "Steven Segal vs. Jean Claude VanDamm" discusion in the seventh grade. I love it.
Round 1:
Lubahn tricks portillo into taking excessive bong rips while following with a Bill Murry Cannonball. Unfortunately, Lubahn still has to fight him and ends up receiving a "Dirty Portillo." (similiar to a Dirty Sanchez)
Bear fights Weiss in the fight of the century. While I understand Bear's vote as the dark horse, none of you seem to be accounting for Weiss' recent pent up rage. After 24 hours of straight fighting, Bear will ask the judges for a draw while Weiss sucker punches him for a victory.
Brown vs. Mazur, lets just say no contest unless mazur calls in his wife, aka "The ringer." Then, its anybody's game.
Faust vs. Chambers, also known as as Friday Night Comedy Hour, lasts longer than anyone expects. After 30 minutes of verbal and quick witted assault by both parties, Faust finally throws a punch. Lights out, thanks for playing.
As for the bye's, I'll give it to Miller. My taxes have paid for him to be the best. But Williams, I might have to contest that one. I feel you are trying to glean an advantage considering your recent Marlboro and twinkie diet.
Dark Horse Faust?! I hope you somehow make it to the 3rd round.
Speaking of the third round, will there be 3 in the pit and only one survives? How does that work?
My predictions:
Lubahn over Portillo: Might be the upset of the century in a very very short fight. Lubahn breaks a plate over Portillo's head as they walk out into the grass before the fight even officially starts…, game-set-match.
Myself over B-Dub: Only because I will have my Ginger dog there to distract the dingo.
Brown over Mazur: This one is tough, either one can win. I see this being a fight til the end, getting overly serious at some points. Clint can be scrappy and knows how to fight, Mazur is strong like a bull and can get your head. However, Clint has watched a lot of Vampire movies, and in the end, he will become a Vampire, striking Mazur in the neck with his vicious teeth. Mazur will scream, "What the fuck was that?!" and the match will be over.
Chambers over Faust: This will be a quick one. Chambers attacks Faust to the ground, Faust takes a blow to his large head, calls a time-out and says "Im done".
Bear's assessment of the Faust/Chambers match is absolutely hilarious and dead on.....Faust has a HUGE head!
The seeding in this tournament is bullshit. Matthew "I'm tired" Chambers and Brian "How many clorox shots have you had" Weiss ranked above me?
I notice you didn't challenge the 6 and 8 seeds. As you know Mazur and I would squash you papa-squirrel.
My head is big. My head is big. My head is big.
How many more times does this need to be said.
i like where this is going.
BEAN-n-Cheese vs. Lubricator
After continually telling his wife to “Take care of it / Get it done / Make it happen” regarding to the knocking off of P_Dice before fight day, Melissa Lubahn realizes that B_Lazy has never taken initiative for anything ever. In a drunken rage she breaks his frail arms the night before the fight & then gives him a golden shower. Lunesta, severely handicapped & smelling like piss doesn’t stand a chance against Portalingis. As they stand face to face Padre Lubahn’s soul evades his body and ends up kicking his former body’s ass in a cloud of irony. All the while Portillo picks the biggest fucking bugger known to man from his upper left nostril. Portillo then rubs the bugger on his jeans.
Italian Stallion vs. Bear-dic
Weiss comes out from a homemade tunnel that macintosh built (it was built with weiss & bears money after macintosh demanded that they both pay for it even though neither of them wanted it) in a silk robe with French/Polynesian/Arabic rap playing in the background. Gino is following him with a litter of dead kittens in his mouth, he stops at the end of the tunnel to showcase the latest trick that his papa has taught him. Gino busts out into a 4 minute C_Walk routine. Bear & Ginger are waiting for them. Gino is quickly eliminated as he dies of boredom from Gingers lack of anything. It gets dirty, bear & weiss go to the ground. After half an hour of brutal fighting their lips accidentally meet. Bear realizes he’s in love with weiss. He just wants to hug. He hugs the holy shit out of him. Years of ground breaking/upside down/water buffalo bong rips have left weiss’s lungs unable to deal with the trauma. Bear wins, but then feels bad.
Me vs Stress induced rainbow shit boy
Don King in all his genius looks over the brackets & realizes the potential of a Mazur Williams grudge match. Greed takes over Clint Wall Street Brown & he sells out and agrees to take a fall in the match. However five minutes into the fight Grease Lighting is having his ass handed to him by me and I just end up kicking his ass on my own due to sheer badassness. After the beatdown Don King starts to promote The Mazur Williams ticket as the cock fight of the year.
Paxil vs Ritalin
(2 scenarios here based on what Faust shows up)
Scenario #1 (Ole’ Faithful Faust. He’s good for a blowup any second)
Chambers rolls in with nothing but a Hell’s Angels leather vest on. He was made an honorary member when he was spotted by the gang & they got a look at his chin strap. He lost his other clothes in a rave the night before. Faust wastes no time and throws a patented hay-maker, which he actually lands. Chambers stunned takes off his vest and is now completely naked. He falls back on his Division – IX soccer training and slide tackles faust. This proves to be a terrible move, for faust hates being on the low end of a slide tackle, legal or not, & head butts the shit out of chambers as they get up. In a strange move faust then punches himself in the mouth. There is now blood dripping out of Vesuviuss mouth and he is screaming ‘I’m going to eat your soul”. Chambers not intimidated form tackles Eruptor to the ground. As they fall to the ground Eruptor bites out an 8 inch by 4 inch section of meaty flesh above C_notes collar bone, he then swallows it. Freaked out Chambone calls Fellatio a WEIRD-O and walks away naked into the sunset while faust screams," I"M NUMBER ONE! LOOK AT MY FUCKING NECKLACE." (for those of you that don't know faust believes he is number one at everything and truely does have a necklace with a #1 medallion on it). Faust sorta wins.
Secenario #2 (Rainbow Faust. Loves everything, living or not)
Faust creepily shows up on Chambers boat with three bottles of wine and asks to see chambers cabin before they fight. Chambers agrees. They get three-bottle wine drunk. Faust has dimmed the lights, has candles lit & is whispering French in chambers ear as Alicia Keys is on heavy rotation in the background. Before chambers can realize what is happening Faust is butt-fucing him. After getting load shot onto the back of his head, chambers asphyxiates on his vomit and passes out. Faust then donkey punches him & wins & then rubs his back.
In their bye weeks miller fights a swat team & Williams digresses and eats four 1 pound bags of peanut M&M’s while watching the 11am sportscenter, but doesn’t put on any weight due to his 13 pack/day Marlboro red’s habit.
"Weiss comes out from a homemade tunnel that macintosh built (it was built with weiss & bears money after macintosh demanded that they both pay for it even though neither of them wanted it) in a silk robe with French/Polynesian/Arabic rap playing in the background."
Brilliannce.
Thank you Williams for inspiring this... we have had some of the greatest comments the IC has ever seen.
Thank you Mazur for being so disturbed.
I have been laughing all day.
I have a headache from laughing.
this blog is my blood pressure medicine...
Man do I look forward to coming home to an active blog.
And 14 second porn clips
i will chime in now. i will hurt rainbow bright. he is gay and i have a shank. game...set...match...
hell's angel renuion tour May 5-12
nothing but leather, mullets, and old saggy breasts with rose tattoos...i love it when a girl shows you her knees and boobs in one flash.
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