REAL RECOGNIZE REAL...

That's what my crunktafarian Memphis kids used to say in reference to ``Real talk'' or flat-out honesty.

That's what I give you now, young white-collar pursuers of ``your dreams''. This is real talk. Cuz real recognize real...Ya hurd meah...?!

Here's real: My new job is Initech. Straight up. The similarities are eerie. For example, today was ``End of Summer Snack Day'' where some co-workers brought in snacks. However, because we all hide in ``morose boxes'' or cubes, there was no social interaction when we emerged from our menial tasks to eat unwanted cookie resin and sop up the goo from depreciating kiwis.

So Initech, huh? Let's compare:

1. Cube farm where you're walled in to quell potential interaction or ``talking'': Check
It's like a library. And there's sad people on the shelves. That's Nonfiction.
2. Managers that start sentences with ``I'm gonna need you to...'': Check
You know today I was handed a stack of data entry shiat and actually said ``Thanks''. Thanks for what? Tearing off a little piece of my soul?
3. Clock Watching: Check
This is my first job where I check the clock repeatedly throughout the day and actually know my remaining time amount to the minute.
4. Mass airplane-like exodus at 4:58p.m.: Check
It's only lacking the ``Bing'', seat belt sign and attendant wishing you well.
5. People saying ``Well, it's a job'': Check
Three times today. ``It pays the bills.'' So does welfare, whore. So does welfare.
6. Downtrodden, lifeless souls: Double check
I knew something was up when during my HR tour, I asked, ``Is it always this quiet here?'' Then when I met my cube neighbors, I received the ``wet noodle handshake'' or the ``Burns'' or the ``comic book reader''. You know what a bad sign that is? People too discouraged or disheartened to give a reasonable squeeze. Oh no, I thought. Oh mother fucking skank pig nipple, no.

Returning from lunch the first day, part of me expected people to yell ``surprise'' when I got back in. Like it was some sick joke and I wouldn't really be doing 11-year old mindless labor. Looks like the jokes on me.

I HAVE however, realized two truly valuable lessons:
A) People will lie to you to get you to work for them.
I sure haven't done any editing or writing.
B) Lives are wasted doing things they hate.
Not one person at my job likes their job. It's impossible. College grads sitting around silently doing mindless work all day. There's no challenge. YET, people actually do this shit. For a living. Why not? Pay is pretty good. Hours aren't bad. You cut 15 minutes off your lunch, you get half-day Fridays. Yippppppeeee!!

Thom Yorke sang ``Ambition makes you look pretty ugly'' It appears Thom, so does lack of ambition.

I guess this is new to me because I've liked every job I had. Sure they didn't pay well and one didn't offer benefits, but I liked what I did.

I've learned this week that the biggest challenge doesn't come from jobs you like. You ask me to cover a Mavs game, have three quotes and a page story in 25 minutes. Sure. Want me to get 33 black kids to listen, put their cell phones away and learn Spanish. You got it. You want me to punch meaningless data into a computer for a meaningless cause. Shit. I don't think I can. My mind won't let me.

But hey, tomorrow is Jeans day. I bet my morale will be soaring. Until I walk in.

I'm still waiting for someone to say ``Fuckin' A''.

Milton