I was making fun of Lubahn today for being an e-business major and then I got to thinking about everyone…. And how our majors relate to our current professions. People love to say your major does not matter (including myself), but I want to find out. So I’m sending out a success-rate report card after roughly 3 years since graduation. The grades are based solely on how much your degree has helped you up until this point in your life….

Business– Mazur, Brown, Williams, Lubahn

Brown and Mazur’s finance degree are serving them well as they intend to make the masses serve them well. They knew what they wanted and nabbed the degree that would take them there. Most finance majors know their degree is a secure and sound investment. But, they still studied finance during the years they should have been protesting wars and streaking…. B-

Lubahn’s e-business degree was the hot thing to do study right before the millennium. You could start a website, name it http://www.dirtydiapers.com/, but sell porcelain penguin figurines, and still make millions. Sadly the idiots of the DOT COM debacle left current e-business majors salivating over a cash cow that had starved just a few years too early. C

Can’t go wrong with a marketing degree…and a Spanish degree to boot! Unless of course you have a quarter life crisis and renounce the world of commerce and tacky grey suits for a life with a purpose. Idiot. Writing and teaching can heal the world, but your degree isn’t going to help you do it. C-

Engineering – Portillo, Chambers

These guys probably spent more hours in the library than any other major. If you get through it there is usually a sizable pot of gold at the end. So far so good for the geeks… A-

Communications- Faust, Dalrymple

I’m in television. So, I guess that’s something. But, c’mon, Radio TV Film? What a crock of shit. How that is even a major should shock you. You sit around and watch old movies and then discuss how they’ve shaped our world… yeah that’ll help you acquire marketable skills. But, I did enjoy almost all of my classes, so that counts for something. D+

KDal is doing commercial real estate, so, as an ex-RTVF major he is considered a complete an utter sell out. We pride ourselves on being better than anyone in an industry where you can actually make some money. F

You may raise your grade only through financial success and/or inner harmony... Good Luck next year and have a great summer!